Faux Report

Hillary Clinton Undergoes Sex Change Operation So She Has a ‘Better Chance’ At Winning 2020 Election

hillary

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Hillary Clinton has reportedly began taking hormone injections in preparation for a sex change operation she will have this fall. The change is being performed because Hillary believes that her chances are “exponentially better” of winning the 2020 election if she is a man.

“The reason I lost the election to Donald Trump is because I am not a man,” said Hillary to a rally of nearly 11 people in South Dakota. “If I had a penis, I would have stood a chance. Being a woman has done nothing for me in my career, and it’s time there is a big change made. A big, thick, veiny change.”

Hillary’s doctor, Dr. Marvin Richards, said that he has tried to talk Clinton out of the operation, but with no results.

“She really wants to go through with this. She’s a grown woman with a lot of money, so I won’t stop her,” said Dr. Richards. “She honestly believes that if she becomes a man – even though she’ll still be her when it comes to policies and government and opinions – will help her to become president. If she thinks so, more power to her. Frankly, I think she should just cut her losses now and retire to the beach, but hey – what do I know? I’m just a voter.”

Hillary has already begun the conversion via hormones and other drugs, and the surgery will take place in the fall. She plans to “fully expose” her/his new look come January.

 

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, November 14, 2016

The hashtag #Calexit would be #Texit if the election had gone the other way. California and Texas already did secede once. Of course Washington would do something to stop it, we wouldn’t be dealing with Obama anymore. Secession is now on the table for real, thank you Californians. It’s only a matter of time. These are bad days for globalism.

Reince Priebus and Stephen Bannon will be great in the White House. Trump is the man who led and starred one of NBC’s most profitable shows, The Apprentice. He knows who to hire. This man, accused of being a woman-hating, homophobic racist has already hired KellyAnne Connway, Peter Thiel, and Dr. Ben Carson. The Anti-Trumpist retort is that they are examples of Trump operating in “rare form”.

Are the protesters in as much danger of Trump as they protest to being? Will Trump retaliate against NBC and other venomous enemies with an onslaught of IRS audits and the like? Historically, no because Trump is not a Democrat.

“Experts” in other countries, disparaged Democrat voters, members from the four corners of Congress, and media talking heads from the four corners of the moon—even Fox News Sunday and debate host extraordinaire Christopher Wallace—did not predict the 2016 US election outcome; Pacific Daily Times Editor in Chief and writer-narrator of this editorial, Jesse Steele, did in early February. The most widely-known prediction of Trump’s victory before Jesse Steele’s was from Richard Nixon’s wife, though Mrs. Nixon didn’t make a map.

A few polls got it right. Khali at Trafalgar polling found a way to get the truth from “shy” Trumpist Conservatives who think they can’t tell the truth to pollsters: “Who is your neighbor voting for?” It’s interesting how we tend to think that our neighbors think how we think.

In their ever-shifting opinions and speculations about Trump, so-called “experts” of 20/20 hindsight who park their pedestals among aftermath should cite their more accurate election maps published before February. As usual, if you read it here, you read it here first, at Pacific Daily Times.

The divide in America is between the archetypal city mice and country mice. The country mice need land to make things in factories and grow food on farms; the city mice manage the market’s business on less and more costly land, all the while consuming the fat of the land they rarely visit. Like a saddle and a horse, a saddle helps, but bareback is an option while a saddle ridden on the fence goes nowhere.

The two are naturally polarized and out of touch with each other; they have formed political right and left extremes. The country mice want production and renaissance while the city mice want fashion and manners. Being a “moderate” in the city-country conflict surmounts to mixing coffee with orange juice at breakfast—both are great, but they need different cups.

As for the controversy of the electoral college, it resurfaces in every presidential election as if it has just surfaced for the first time: It’s a newbie voter’s topic. The basic purpose is, in the event of a very close margin of city mice v country mice, the country mice will win because the country can’t function without the rural backbone. This is why a State gets just two extra votes just for being a State, and all that comes with it. This is why Alaska contributed 3 Republican votes, not just 1, and Hawaii and New Hampshire contributed each 4 Democrat votes, not just 2. That said, there have been no certified reports on how much of Clinton’s 260k vote lead came from illegal voting. We do know that Democrats openly object to measures that prevent illegal voting while moderate Republicans claim to oppose illegal voting, with little or no action to back up that claim. The policies, both actual and claimed, of both Democrats and Republicans brought the vote to what it was.

Pro-Lifers should be glad abortion will likely end. That was the biggest and most lasting direct result of this election, which many people have not realized, yet if ever. Perhaps Religious Right Conservative Christian Anti-Trumpist lamenters could learn a thing or two about gratitude from Liberal Democratic Anti-Trumpist protesters. Trump has managed to inspire shared hashtags for these Conservatives and Liberals. They might actually talk to each other now. That could be a longer-lasting, less direct result of this election. The way has been paved for The People’s Party.

The massive protests against Trump are the result of the country’s public education policies since the 1990’s. Students are given a trophy for showing up and recognition of winners and losers in sports is outright persecuted. Nannying and sissifying young people left the generation of first-time voters ill-prepared to deal with loss. While neither Conservative nor Liberal youth have had much experience training them to deal with the emotions of “losing” something, Conservative parents were more likely to prepare them at home for the things that school neglected. If nothing else, Conservative first-time voters had their first eight years of voting to learn to deal with loss; the Democrats did not.

There would have been protests of some kind either way. These protests are more of a “nasty” nature, involving destruction of private property with little legislative result. Had the election gone the other way, riots would have been replaced with larger, more peaceful, and yet more effective protests. Secession petitions would have been legitimate enough to provoke Congress, involve the Supreme Court, and surely military action, citing Clinton corruption and excess executive orders that Trump promised to undo. This election was somewhat of a “deal”: Get back inside the Constitutional boundaries or rip it up; the electors chose to get back inside the lines, for now. California and Texas will secede eventually, but that will require the “don’t get mad, get busy” action of sobriety and will happen only after elections and wars yet to come.

Contrary to some opinions floating around the “media-osphere”, there actually is a Constitutional basis for secession, though not stated directly. The Federal government is obligated to repel invasion, according to original Article IV. If the US is ever invaded, State secession will be as Constitutional as it is inevitable. The topic California brought up implies a warning to US enemies: Invading the United States at home would not be an act of war against one country, but against fifty. While secession is coming, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. The president elect still has not taken office, the electoral college has not voted, and the results of many States have not yet been certified by their election authorities. While some things are foreseeable from the vantage point of history, history informs foresight while the two remain separate.

The earthquakes had the final and poetic word after “US election week”: Both sides of the Pacific were shocked and shaken, and, more poetically, the shock in Christchurch started a tsunami.

continue reading

Standard
Faux Report

Yoko Ono Says She Had An Affair With Hillary Clinton

LOS ANGELES, California –

Yoko Ono shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run of Hillary Clinton and the possibility that she could become the first woman President of the United States in American history.

The artist and widow of John Lennon, who is in Los Angeles to present a collection of cups and saucers she is exhibiting at the Museum of Modern Art, totally took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times during a series of protests against the Vietnam War in New York in the 1970s but also knew her “intimately”.

The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time and acknowledged her election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America” she added.

Yoko Ono shocked reporters when she admitted to "having a fling" with the former Secretary of State after they met during a protest against the Vietnam War in New York in the early 1970s

Hillary Clinton has been hit by a series of allegations of being a lesbian in her career which could ruin her bid for the presidency, believe some experts

Yoko Ono when asked about her thoughts about Hillary’s run for the presidency completely took reporters by surprise.

“We met many times during the New York Vietnam War protests in the 1970s, and became very intimate. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in” she explained.

“We had a brief romantic fling when I lived with John in Manhattan and Hillary was studying at Yale, but eventually we lost touch. I am amazed how things are going well for her and wish her the best for her campaign” she told reporters during the press conference.

Experts believe the statement could affect the presidential candidates bid for the presidency but previous allegations of Hillary Clinton’s lesbian past have not seemed to play against the front runner for the 2016 Democratic presidential race yet.

Standard
Faux Report

Monica Lewinsky Says She Is Voting For Hillary Clinton

lewinsky

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Former presidential intern and the world’s second most famous presidential lay, Monica Lewinsky, has gone on record saying that she will be voting for her old flame’s wife, Hillary Clinton, in the next election.

Lewinsky, who is a staunch anti-bullying activist, says she couldn’t possibly vote for Trump, because he’s “the biggest bully” she’s ever seen.

“I’ve spent years trying to stop bullying, in life and online, with children, teens, and adults, so what kind of message would it send if I voted for Donald Trump?” asked Lewinsky. “I understand that there are some weird ramifications of me voting for my former lover’s wife, but you know, those were different times. That dress has long since been burned, if you know what I mean.”

Lewinsky says that she had originally thought about voting for Jill Stein, but Stein’s anti-vaccine sentiment made her think better.

“It’s definitely a woman’s place to be in the Oval Office, behind the resolute desk, and I don’t just mean on her knees,” said Lewinsky.

Standard
Faux Report

K.D. Lang Claims She Had Affair With Hillary Clinton

kdlang

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Musician K.D. Lang shocked reporters yesterday when she responded to a question concerning the presidential run of Hillary Clinton, and the possibility that she could become the first woman President of the United States in American history.

The singer-songwriter, who is in Los Angeles shooting a role for a TV series, took reporters by surprise by admitting she had not only met the former First Lady at various times, but also knew her “intimately”.

“We met many times during some protests after the Vietnam war, probably 1979 or 1980. I was only about 19 at the time, but Hill was beautiful, and I became enamored. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in,” she explained.

The celebrity admitted laughingly to having “a fling” with her at the time, and acknowledged her winning the election “would be a great advancement for LGBT and Women rights in America.”

“I’m just glad that she’s out there, doing her thing,” said Lang. “I just wish she’d call once in a while.” 

“Hillary Clinton has been hit by a series of allegations of being a lesbian many, many times in her career, which you would think would ruin her bid for the presidency, but apparently not,” said political pundit Michael Ross. “The more often it comes up, the more people start thinking of her as a real person, instead of some odd-ball robot or a soulless devil, as they usually do.”

Standard
Faux Report

Hillary Clinton Says She Wants Her Picture To Be Featured On $20 Bill

hillarycash

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Hillary Clinton says that she “firmly believes” that she should be featured on the $20 bill, which has been being looked at by government officials to be changed to a strong woman from history. Currently, people have been voting for major game-changes such as Harriet Tubman or Rosa Parks, but Clinton said that she would be the “best choice.”

“I have overcome so much, between my political and personal career, and yet here I am, still ahead of the game, working towards becoming the first president,” said Clinton. “There is a good chance that I will go down as history when I win the election in November, so between that and my history as a stand-up woman, I honestly feel I would be a good choice.”

Clinton went on to say that standing by her philandering husband, former president Bill Clinton, was one of her “proudest moments,” and just another reason that she would be perfect to be featured on the money.

“I could have left him when he was getting his member rubbed by any greasy whore who walked into the Oval Office, but I didn’t,” said Clinton. “That shows that I’m a proud woman, who can forgive, and not at all a total fool who was made to look like an idiot in the public eye.”

Clinton says she hopes that the members of the US Mint will consider making her the new face of the $20 bill in place of Andrew Jackson.

Standard
Faux Report

Bill Clinton Hospitalized After Being Attacked By Bernie Sanders Supporters

empire-news-bill-clinton-hits-talk-show-circuit-to-promote-new-white-house-themed-erotica-novel

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Former president Bill Clinton was hospitalized today after being attacked on the street by protestors who were rallying in support of Bernie Sanders. According to police, the attack was provoked by comments that Clinton made recently claiming that Sanders supporters wanted to shoot people on Wall Street.

“Former president Bill Clinton was airlifted to a local hospital after being beaten down by a group of Bernie Sanders supporters,” said police chief Walter Richards. “According to bystanders, the group were enraged by comments Clinton made about their tendency to want Wall Street members to be shot and killed.”

Ricky Carson, a Sanders supporter who was arrested in the assault, is facing 20 years in prison for the attack on a former President, but says he would do it all over again if he had to.

“Bernie Sanders is a man of the people, and those people are rallying behind him, in support. I am one of those people. We don’t want anyone dead, and I swear to God, I will beat the ever living shit out of anyone who disagrees with that, or with Bernie,” said Carson.

Police arrested a total of 9 assailants in the attack, and are still seeking 3 more who may have been involved. Ironically, Clinton had allowed his security team the day off so that his wife, Hillary Clinton, could have more security during her time in New York.

Doctors say that Clinton may suffer mild brain damage, but that it’s doubtful anyone would notice.

Standard
Faux Report

Presidential Race Starts To Get Bloody After Sanders Challenges Opponents

bloody

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In an attempt to secure the sick and desperate demographic, Bernie Sanders donated blood plasma to help those afflicted with problems ranging from Kawasaki disease to hemophilia. He called for other candidates to take a break from campaigning and do the same.

Plasma donation is more time-consuming than giving blood, in that the blood is drawn from one arm and channeled through an automated machine that collects plasma and returns the red blood cells. The screening process is also more difficult, baring donors from having tattoos or piercings.

Hilary Clinton tried, in an attempt to follow Sanders’ lead, to give plasma but was not able to make a donation due to the small tattoo on her buttocks that says “Bill.” She reportedly told the nurse, “I was going to say I never regretted getting that tattoo more, but that’s untrue. There was another time I regretted it more…”

Trump’s campaign managers say he will not be donating plasma, as Trump cannot be sure his donation wouldn’t be given to affluent white males or attractive women.

Standard
Faux Report

SHOCKING! Hillary Clinton Having Secret Affair With Bernie Sanders

sandersclinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In what seems like a story straight out of the mind of a political satirist, Senators Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are reportedly engaged in a “very torrid love affair,” according to insiders.

In emails possibly more damaging to Clinton than Bengazi, a series of love letters, sexual fantasies, and nude selfies were leaked to the internet on Tuesday morning, reportedly exchanged between Clinton and Sanders. Although the two have become bitter rivals on the campaign trail, the emails show that most of what happens on stage and on TV during the race is mostly for show.

“I’m so glad to feel your ‘bern,'” said one email sent by Clinton to Sanders, along with a nude picture taken in a full-length mirror. “Bill has been looking past me for months. I needed someone to come along like you who can fulfill all my real needs. Can’t wait to see you out there, baby.”

There were multiple responses from Sanders as well, most of them filled with too many sexual expletives for printing.

Both candidates have denied any wrongdoing, and say that there is decidedly no “affair” happening between them. The emails were reportedly leaked by a Sanders staffer who used a laptop with the account left open by Sanders himself.

Standard
Faux Report

Donald Trump Tweets Nude Pic To Prove He’s Well Hung

trumptweet

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

The media has been in a frenzy the last week after Donald Trump mentioned that there were “no problems” with the size of his penis during the recent Republican debates. Although most people were in shock that such crude and asinine comments were made during a presidential race, a huge chunk of the internet started asking for Trump to prove it, using the social media hashtag #TrumpShowUsYourPenis.

The Donald, not one to back down from a challenge, accepted the outcries of the young people of social media, and today he tweeted a fully nude selfie showing how big he really is.

“You asked for it America, and here it is,” said Trump’s tweet. “I wasn’t lying about the size of my penis, and I’m not lying about making this country great again. #dickpic.” Also included was a link to the image, which is obviously NSFW.

The tweet went viral immediately, as did the picture attached. Most people were in shock when they saw how big he actually was, and still others say that they’re actually going to vote for him now.

“Before this picture and tweet, I thought he was a buffoon,” said Joelle Clarke of Lansing, Michigan. “Now that he actually had the balls – literally – to tweet a picture of his package, I believe that he has the balls to get things done in the White House, too.”

Senator Bernie Sanders, when asked about the picture, said he “hadn’t seen it,” and “had no interest in doing so.” Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton said that she had set it as her cell phone’s wallpaper, and was currently discussing with her campaign manager whether it would be a good idea to tweet a picture of her own big, ugly penis.

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, February 15, 2016

Senior Supreme Justice Scalia died days after ruling against Obama. Cause of death is presumed and unchallenged, similarly to the legacy Obama wants. There will be no autopsy. There will be questions. One should pray for the health and safety of one’s adversaries in order to reduce questions. Obama wants to uphold the Constitution in appointing a nominee; will the nominee?

Sanders argues Constitutional compliance in the president appointing the next Supreme Justice. Does he know that he is a Democrat? If Sanders wanted to be fair and get rid of the 1% control, why did he choose a political party that gives extra delegate votes to the 1%? He won New Hampshire, but gained fewer delegates because of the system in the so-called “Democratic” party, having “superdelegates”. The Republican party treats all votes equally, and has given at least lip-service defense of the Constitution in a day when the Constitution seems to have many adversaries.

Perhaps someone should inform Homeland Security that Obama and Sanders have become sudden advocates of the Constitution. But, that would raise more questions.

You already read it here first: Sanders will lose to the Clinton machine. Sanders and his supporters asked for the superdelegate problem when they chose the so-called “Democratic” party. Smart people tend to win at things; not-smart people tend to not win. Frankly, serves them right. But, no one should be surprised that none of them figured out that this would happen ahead of time.

Liberals  can’t tell the difference between opinion and fact when their own opinions are involved. In this, they are unabashed as much as they are unaware. Conflation of opinion and fact, leveraging bully pulpits to impose bias, shamelessness—these are all indications that one has lost the argument and hasn’t yet figured out that one does know it.

While Pacific Daily Times will continue to interact with Quartz articles, because they have good quality writing, nonetheless bias and open about it, we now know with certainty that it is a Liberal blog. Breitbart, openly Right Wing establishment-ish, and The Blaze, more pure Conservative, are banned from the Times because of heavy website load times and for no other reason.

Perhaps Liberal blogs operate at a profit loss while Right Wing sites use establishment advertising methods that bog-down web resolve times. It’s a shame, what all periodicals involve. But, it indicates a shakeup and, among other things, that revival is returning to America.

You read it here first: Trump in New Hampshire, Trump is positioned to get some of the Sanders vote in the general.

Nation to State, the Federal Justice department is suing Ferguson, MO. This sets a precedent for the next White House to sue Chicago over corruption. North Korea is also cracking down on its leaders; one general was reported executed. Such are the ways of top-down politics. The high GOP turnout in New Hampshire is a bottom-up phenomenon. That’s the difference.

continue reading

Standard
Faux Report

Hillary Clinton Announces Her Plans To Drop From Presidential Race

clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton has announced that she will be stepping down from the campaign trail, suspending her plans to become the next President of the United States. The announcement comes after a loss in the New Hampshire primaries earlier this week, to Democrat Bernie Sanders.

“New Hampshire has successfully chosen the president for the last several decades. If you win in New Hampshire, you’ve won the vote,” said Clinton. “I can’t compete with Bernie Sanders, anyway. He has secured the young vote. He has the blacks and the Latinos. He has everyone, and he even has most of the woman vote. He cannot be stopped. Even I’ve started to Feel The Bern.”

“I am glad that she has stepped down. It clears the way for a Sanders victory,” said New Hampshire resident Joe Goldsmith. “I voted for Bernie in the primaries, as did everyone else. Hillary is soulless, and would never have won. Have you looked at her eyes? They’re empty. There’s nothing behind them. It’s like that Stephen King movie The Dead Zone. She’s evil incarnate.”

Standard
Faux Report

Hillary Clinton Plans To Make Bill Clinton Her Running Mate If She Wins In Primary

clintons2

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Although he has already served a full two terms as president, nothing is stopping Hillary Clinton from making her husband, Bill Cinton, her vice-presidential running mate should she win during the primary elections; an act she says she is planning on doing.

“Bill has already been there, and he’s already seen what a presidential seat can do to a person, and there is no one better to join me at my side, and in my cabinet, than him,” said Hillary Clinton. “I am officially planning to recognize my husband, Bill, as my running mate if I am to take the primaries.”

Members of Congress say that there is no reason that Bill Clinton cannot serve as vice president, but there are issues were something to happen to Hillary if she were elected, such as a death, or a scandal or other measure that forces her to resign.

“If she were to be elected with Bill Clinton as her vice president, we are unsure, at this time, if he would be able to take over the roll of president as would normally be the case,” said congressional member Richard Doorer (R-Iowa). “As he has already fulfilled his duty as president, and completed two full terms, he is not eligible to run again, but that doesn’t necessarily negate that he could be president again in that sort of situation. We’ll take it as it comes, if it does indeed arise.”

According to an anonymous source inside the Clinton campaign, the entire race has just been one big ploy to get Bill Clinton back into the oval office, with Hillary planning on winning, and immediately stepping down, allowing for her husband to take over.

Standard
Faux Report

Hillary and Bill Clinton Paid Daughter Chelsea To Have Babies

clintons

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Hilary and Bill Clinton allegedly paid daughter Chelsea, 35, to start a family. Chelsea is expecting her second child. Charlotte, now 16 months old, was born in September of 2014, about a year after Chelsea received a two million dollar incentive to start a family.

Not only did Hilary and Bill want grandbabies, they thought it would look good for the campaign. “The Clinton campaign wanted Hilary to appear to be a hard politician, which they have seen in her career as senator and secretary of state, while also retaining a warm, motherly aspect. Obviously Hilary Clinton’s womb has long ago dried up, and Chelsea is far too old to be cute. Voters like babies. Two is the optimal number. This definitely helped her win the Iowa caucuses,” says campaign analyst Greg Edelman.

Chelsea’s husband, Marc Mezvinsky says even though this ended the freedom the couple once enjoyed, he is happy they decided to take the money and conceive. “I am very lucky to have my kids and such generous inlaws. Sure, we don’t have the same freedom as before, but we’re set for life. And whatever helps Hilary win is good for our family and good for the nation. Clinton for president. All hail Clinton.”

Standard