Faux Report

Michelle Obama Files For Divorce After Shocking Revelation; Barack Obama Admits: ‘I’m Gay!’

PHILADELPHIA, PA

Former President Barack Obama announced late last night that he had filed for divorce from his wife of 27 years, Michelle Obama, after he revealed a secret double life as a homosexual.

“It is with a bit of sadness and a whole lot of relief that I announce that Michelle and I have decided to separate, as I have admitted to her, as I’m doing now to the rest of the world, that I am a homosexual,” said Obama. “This may come as a shock to many, and anger others, but this is my personal business, and I would hope that everyone could respect my privacy at this time”

Representatives for Michelle Obama said that she and the former president would split amicably, and that Michelle herself was “not particularly shocked” by the revelation.

“We are very close, as close as two people could ever be, really,” said Michelle in a prepared statement. “I’ve known for many years about Barack’s secret life, and I fully support him in the direction that his life takes him. He was and is an incredible leader, a loving father and family man, and now he can go on to make some man very happy.”

Representatives for the Obama children, Malia and Sasha, could not be reached for comment, but their Facebook pages both were vacant of any comments on the split.

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Faux Report

Michelle Obama Officially Announces Her Candidacy for President

PHILADELPHIA, PA – 

Michelle Obama, the wife of former president Barack Obama, has announced that she will be running for president in the 2020 election.

“I know I’m a lot later than most people, but to be honest, there’s no reason to start running 2 years before the election,” said Michelle Obama from the family home in Philadelphia. “It’s much easier to wait until the ‘little people’ drop out, and we can see what’s left of the field. At this point, the field is pretty bland, so I’m going to come in and mow it down.”

Obama, who was highly involved in education and children’s health during her husband’s two terms, says that she plans to continue her advocacy for the young people of America.

“Kids are our future, and education and health are the most important things for the next generation,” said Obama. “I have no stance at all on foreign policy, taxes, abortion, religion, or literally anything else. My platform is the children, and between that and my name, I think I have a great shot of becoming the Democratic nominee, and our next president.”

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 21, 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuG1KwVzUeo

Trump is set to redefine historical trends. Every thumbscrew play from the political playbook has been tried on him and every single one has failed except the impeachment in progress, which hasn't failed or succeeded yet. The very impeachment process will only boost his support as already seen in Texas. It's all based on results.

Trump supporters and Conservatives—not necessarily one in the same—respond to and respond with results.

Divisions are solidifying along every line—religion, politics, social justice wars. Two people with opposing views can't reason with each other. Those on the Conservative side tend to be quiet and work and vote. Those on the Liberal side are loud and make anyone who dissents regret it.

The more these divisions and assaults build, the more we see rhetoric face off against results. Loud Liberals in America think they identify with the protesters in Hong Kong. But, it's not being outspoken that makes a protest work, it's the resolve to be left alone.

Many Conservatives would be glad to lift laws that make life difficult for the LGBTQ community. But, the social justice war now seeks to punish people for pronouns. That social justice war will likely lead to a backlash from the Conservatives who could eventually place more restrictions on the LGBTQ community than ever before. Overplaying is a danger for everyone. But, no one can be reasoned with these days.

With Senator Romney pushing against the president in his own party, a president popular among Conservatives and many Democrats, he could be paving the way for a third party two presidents after Trump.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, April 1, 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5O_s0O_9vU

The message from the EU is clear: "Join us so if you leave we can make you suffer for it." Now, Italy cozies up to China?

Boeing tried to mount too big an engine on too small a plane because the engine used less fuel. This changed the plane's aerodynamic personality; software was their solution. But, with software come bugs. So, Boeing had a warning light option if the software got too buggy. Ethiopian and Lion Air chose not to spend the $80k extra for the warning light. That cost Boeing about $40B in stock value. Now, we see that the FAA had turned a half-blind eye.

But, many other warnings have been ignored. America is polarizing. The only things deeper than the deep pockets of the US Treasury are the Left's demands for spending. Senate Democrats silently watched the "Green New Deal" go down in flames. Cities may follow. When the going gets tough, the Right gets working while the Left gets burning hot mad.

Immigration is broken, not just in America, but everywhere. We need a proper on-ramp for good foreigners to enter any country. But, vitriol doesn't make reforms. There is a difference between vitriol and a "tantrump". Trump has achieved far more in two years than Obama did in eight. Still the Left stays vitriolic. That's their only strategy, it seems.

The Left doesn't want the Right to survive. The Right wants everyone to have the room to work and thrive. Neither will back down.

Peggy Noonan wrote in the Wall Street Journal:

It’s not enough that contraceptives be covered in the government-mandated plan; the nuns must conform. It’s not enough you be sensitive to the effect of your words and language; you must be punished for saying or thinking the wrong thing. It’s not enough that gay marriage is legal; you must be forced to bake the cake. It won’t do that attention be paid to scientific arguments on the environment; America must upend itself with green new deals or be judged not to care about children.

Yes, America is polarizing more than ever before. Who wins? We'll see.

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Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, January 21, 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O64jVjaO7cs

The US government shutdown is stalling Beijing's action against Taiwan. With the US slightly less-able to respond and prepare, Beijing has an opportunity to bide time and grow its military. No doubt, Beijing will see advantage and seize opportunity.

At the same time, the US has zero intent of appeasing Beijing's hopes for Taiwan. Whatever signals the US sends elsewhere and otherwise, the US government shows no respect for China and China shows a slow learning curve on understanding just how little respect it has thus.

The evermore desperate fight inside Taiwan continues. Taiwanese rally around their defiant president. Taiwan's government is reaching for any friends it can find anywhere in the world, while policing dissidents and sources of pro-Chinese opinion within its borders. No doubt, Taiwan is headed for what Winston Churchill said of Great Britain, "this was their finest hour." Though history has not written the end of that hour, the time is fast approaching.

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Faux Report

Michelle Obama Says She Plans To Run Against Trump in 2020 – With Barack As Her V.P.!

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In a shocking move, Michelle Obama says she is ready to begin campaigning for a shot at the White House in 2020. The announcement comes after several months of speculation, but with Michelle always saying it wasn’t going to happen. The news also includes a shocking running mate – Michelle’s husband, former President Barack Obama.

“We had to look into the legalities a lot, because we were not 100% sure it could happen, but it turns out, everything is in order,” said Michelle Obama in a statement. “Barack finished his two terms as elected President, but would be allowed to serve two more terms as Vice President, were he able to get elected with a running mate who is eligible for the office. I believe I’m more than qualified for the job.”

When questioned about the issue, though, that if something were to happen to her after election, Barack would become President for a third term, Michelle smiled slyly.

“Yes, well…you do never know what the future holds,” she said.

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Faux Report

President Trump Readies Deportation of Melania After Huge Fight At White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump says he is beginning the preparations for deporting his wife, Melania, back to “whatever third world shithole she comes from,” according to official White House documents.

According to reports, Melania and President Trump had a bitter argument in the middle of the Oval Office, although the stories differ as to what caused the argument in the first place, with most sources stating that President Trump dislikes being referred to be his wife as “President Cheeto.”

“Frankly, I think it’s a sweet term of endearment from a wife to her husband,” said one anonymous staffer. “He really is taking it the wrong way. Now, of course, when she refers to his penis as the President’s ‘little Cheeto Puff,’ that might be crossing a line. But still – they’re married, you’re supposed to work these things out.”

President Trump said that he has been married enough times in his life, that “ditching one more won’t make much of a dent” in his life.

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Faux Report

BREAKING: President Trump Gives Full Pardon to Bill Cosby

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

President Trump has reportedly offered comedian Bill Cosby a full pardon, after the fallen star was found guilty of sexual assault and sentenced to 3 to 10 years in prison. Cosby, who is a lifelong friend of President Trump, could have spent his final days in prison had Trump not stepped in.

“Bill is absolutely and without a doubt, innocent on all charges,” said President Trump. “I understand very well how our court system works. I probably understand better than anyone, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I have met with Bill, we have spoken at length about the accusations against him, and I don’t believe a word of them.”

Over 60 women came forward to say that Bill Cosby had assaulted them, with many being drugged and raped while unconscious.

“We all know women like to gab, and this is a perfect example of why I plan to lower the crimes associated with assault or rape,” said Trump. “It’s obvious in this case that Bill had consensual sex with a woman who later regretted it, and then accused him of rape. Afterwards, of course, dozens of other women knew they could also try and make a dime off the publicity, and accused him as well. It’s sickening – truly sick – how some people think.”

Cosby, 81, will be allowed to leave prison on Monday as soon as the pardon is signed.

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Faux Report

BREAKING: Donald Trump Secretly Hired Illegal Immigrants To Start Building Border Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Top secret documents leaked to the press by a White House staffer showed that President Trump ordered the hiring of over 2,000 illegal immigrants to begin working on his border wall between Texas and Mexico. The documents, released to the press only hours ago, also stated that he was prepared to offer each worker upwards of $40 an hour.

“This is a goddamn outrage,” said construction worker Chris Thomas. “I have been bidding for the border wall job for nearly a year, and it’s the goddamn illegals that get the job? Isn’t the whole point of the wall to keep these sand people out of the fucking country?”

Trump released a statement on Twitter, stating that “all suspicion of illegals being used for labor at the border are false.” He went on to say that “Fake News” had struck again.

“I would never hire undocumented workers,” tweeted Trump. “The Fake News Media has struck again, and you’re all buying it. We don’t have any staffers in the WH that would leak that news, even if it were true.”

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 28, 2018

Charlie Cook now says what Symphony has said for weeks: Republicans look more and more like they are headed for an unusual midterm upswing. The part you won't read is how much it looks like a Democrat conspiracy to get Republicans elected—because, if reverse psychology were the plan, Democrats played every note on cue and in key. There's no evidence of this at all, other than how incredibly flawless the execution seems to be. Either it is a conspiracy for some crazy cause or the current Democrats in office are just as stupid as the Republicans during Bush's second term.

The general political trend over the weekend was the correlation between society and meteorology. The day after a civil protest occurs, the weather goes nutso. If the government "zaps" publication of the courts, lightning strikes sixty thousand times. If a mob floods the streets one day, a flood floods the streets the next. Now, a hurricane is on its way to Florida. Make sure, if you plan to go golfing in the afternoon, don't express any objections outside any government buildings in the morning. Your T-time might get rained on.

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Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, March 5, 2018

China's changes include finances as well as politics. As the US unrelentingly inches toward absolute denuclearization of North Korea—one way or another—China delays solidarity at the UN. China has no lack of mixed messages in other areas, such as Taiwan.

Stepping up military drills near Taiwan while becoming more economically friendly to Taiwanese isn't exactly something that causes democratic voters to fall in love with a nation without elected official term limits. Some Taiwanese will take advantage of the economic favoritism, but those will probably be the kind of companies run by bosses who have a moderately high turnover rate coupled with complaints about overbearing, old school Asian leadership style. When China suddenly changes colors again, they could lose their companies, all depending on what Chinese "national security interest" needs arise with the sun. That will become an unanticipated economic edge to "isolationist" companies that remain in Taiwan and prefer a "flattened-out" administrative structure. Notwithstanding, experts claim it could all backfire.

Then there is Korea and Vietnam. China won't need to worry about US intervention stealing its customers in North Korea much longer since that customer will soon cease to exist. Calling off a potential meeting between Pyongyang and Washington officials at the Winter Games involved Kim Jong Un's sister being present. It indicates paranoia; Un is evidently concerned about a coup. He should be. Many of his officials had just jumped decades forward in time travel, also called "crossing the border", when they saw the life, joy, happiness, technology, and pleasures of the modern world. Top North Korean brass will pine to return and Un's sister knew they would. Calling off the meeting only alerted the world to Pyongyang feeling threatened.

So much said in a denial. US Congress unanimously passes the "Taiwan Travel Act", essentially allowing every diplomat even up to Trump and Tsai to meet face-to-face, in public, in celebratory AKA "respectful" conditions. But, the US media—always asking for bipartisanship—doesn't care to report the passage of the unanimous bill. That means that the bill may actually accomplish something, and that is why China is furious, depending on the occasion of course.

The US sending 5,000 troops to stop in Vietnam for the first time in 40 years should be more disconcerting to China that the passage of any bill or the blockage of any trade ships with North Korea. Of course, China says that they have no interest disturbing the international status quo and they respect other countries, albiet the "Xi Thought" includes, more importantly than removal of term limits, that the entire world is China's responsibility.

While the West would paint China as a villain, nothing could be farther from the truth. After all, a police officer didn't even need permission to catch a girl falling from the forth floor. Her grandmother had locked herself outside of her own apartment and the key smith scared the girl into climbing out the window. The police officer caught the girl, both were hospitalized. And, of course, ruling party officials from China made sure to visit and congratulate the officer for such quick thinking.

Then, we have Google and Apple courting more favor with China. Maps and Translate are back, with a China-controlled remix, of course. National security is vital. But, therein lies a cloaked warning. China is already under attack by the West. Soon-to-be non-Communist and united Korea, US-Friendly Vietnam, soldiers waiting to flex their muscles in India, diplomatic visits to Taiwan, not to mention the ever pro-US Japan—China is surrounded.

This is dangerous. All that needs to happen is for China to send out its military like King John's Crusade, then Apple and Google will have no opposition re-educating China's population, without soldiers to protect what's happening at home. It would be best for China to refortify and give Apple and Google the boot, but who is the West to give China any suggestion. The West has money and power, so they clearly don't understand.

We live in historic times.

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Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, March 5, 2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsWh6tDFmoM

China's changes include finances as well as politics. As the US unrelentingly inches toward absolute denuclearization of North Korea—one way or another—China delays solidarity at the UN. China has no lack of mixed messages in other areas, such as Taiwan.

Stepping up military drills near Taiwan while becoming more economically friendly to Taiwanese isn't exactly something that causes democratic voters to fall in love with a nation without elected official term limits. Some Taiwanese will take advantage of the economic favoritism, but those will probably be the kind of companies run by bosses who have a moderately high turnover rate coupled with complaints about overbearing, old school Asian leadership style. When China suddenly changes colors again, they could lose their companies, all depending on what Chinese "national security interest" needs arise with the sun. That will become an unanticipated economic edge to "isolationist" companies that remain in Taiwan and prefer a "flattened-out" administrative structure. Notwithstanding, experts claim it could all backfire.

Then there is Korea and Vietnam. China won't need to worry about US intervention stealing its customers in North Korea much longer since that customer will soon cease to exist. Calling off a potential meeting between Pyongyang and Washington officials at the Winter Games involved Kim Jong Un's sister being present. It indicates paranoia; Un is evidently concerned about a coup. He should be. Many of his officials had just jumped decades forward in time travel, also called "crossing the border", when they saw the life, joy, happiness, technology, and pleasures of the modern world. Top North Korean brass will pine to return and Un's sister knew they would. Calling off the meeting only alerted the world to Pyongyang feeling threatened.

So much said in a denial. US Congress unanimously passes the "Taiwan Travel Act", essentially allowing every diplomat even up to Trump and Tsai to meet face-to-face, in public, in celebratory AKA "respectful" conditions. But, the US media—always asking for bipartisanship—doesn't care to report the passage of the unanimous bill. That means that the bill may actually accomplish something, and that is why China is furious, depending on the occasion of course.

The US sending 5,000 troops to stop in Vietnam for the first time in 40 years should be more disconcerting to China that the passage of any bill or the blockage of any trade ships with North Korea. Of course, China says that they have no interest disturbing the international status quo and they respect other countries, albiet the "Xi Thought" includes, more importantly than removal of term limits, that the entire world is China's responsibility.

While the West would paint China as a villain, nothing could be farther from the truth. After all, a police officer didn't even need permission to catch a girl falling from the forth floor. Her grandmother had locked herself outside of her own apartment and the key smith scared the girl into climbing out the window. The police officer caught the girl, both were hospitalized. And, of course, ruling party officials from China made sure to visit and congratulate the officer for such quick thinking.

Then, we have Google and Apple courting more favor with China. Maps and Translate are back, with a China-controlled remix, of course. National security is vital. But, therein lies a cloaked warning. China is already under attack by the West. Soon-to-be non-Communist and united Korea, US-Friendly Vietnam, soldiers waiting to flex their muscles in India, diplomatic visits to Taiwan, not to mention the ever pro-US Japan—China is surrounded.

This is dangerous. All that needs to happen is for China to send out its military like King John's Crusade, then Apple and Google will have no opposition re-educating China's population, without soldiers to protect what's happening at home. It would be best for China to refortify and give Apple and Google the boot, but who is the West to give China any suggestion. The West has money and power, so they clearly don't understand.

We live in historic times.

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Faux Report

Trump Begins Waging Battle Against The ‘War on New Year’s Eve’

cigs

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Now that President Trump has successfully won the War on Christmas, he is setting his sights on another age-old advisory: The War on New Year’s Eve.

“It’s despicable that there are so many people wishing each other a ‘Happy New Year,’ when they have no idea if I believe that next year is going to be better than this one,” said President Trump. “Liberals like to push their agenda, they want you to have a happy 2018. Well that’s not right, that’s not going to work for everyone. 2017 was a big year. The biggest year. I’m not saying 2018 can’t be a big year, but we can’t just go out assuming it’s going to be great, it’s going to be happy.

Trump said that he has begun wishing people a “decent New Year” or an “Okay New Year,” and on at least one occasion, a “shitty New year.”

“I have no reason to wish that specific person a Happy New Year, and I don’t particularly want them to have a Happy 2018,” said Trump, not mentioning the person by name. “Frankly, though, this entire happy nonsense has got to stop. I’m officially declaring it dead, and killing this war on New Year’s. 

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Faux Report

Trump’s Secret Addiction EXPOSED! How The President Has Gone BANKRUPT Over Secret Purchases

trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump has made a big deal about not showing his taxes, trying desperately to hide his actual income and net worth from the public. The reason why, many have speculated, is that he not only has cheated on his taxes, but that the forms would reveal how little he actually has in income. As it turns out, that is partially correct.

Although Trump has made a fortune selling his name and branding buildings, it was also recently discovered that the world’s most powerful leader is completely and totally flat broke.

“The President has a rather extreme, but somewhat relatable addiction to buying and collecting movies,” said a source from inside the White House. “I know that seems kind of bizarre, but Trump is like a big man-child, and his love of movies is vast. He has dedicated an entire wing of the White House to his DVD and Blu-ray collection. He has approximately 89,000 movies. It’s a full time job for a team of 3 people to organize and alphabetize his collection.”

According to the source, Trump spends nearly $30 million a year on his movie collection, and lately that number has increased, as he spends more and more on high-priced, out of print collectible copies, and on newer and more expensive titles, such as those that are being released in 4K high definition. For someone who was reportedly worth billions only a decade ago, the collection has slowly killed his net worth.

“The President has a problem, and it’s coming to a point where someone needs to have an intervention with him, but no one knows how,” said the source. “He’s out of control. On Black Friday, where sales are at their best, he went out and bought almost 100 new movies in one day. Then, just because that kick-started the buying bug, he ordered another 270 movies on Cyber Monday. The guy has a problem, and it’s killing us all.”

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