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Faux Report

Op-Ed: ‘Joe Biden Just Ruined My Anti-Biden Business’

Editor’s Note: This opinion piece was penned by a longtime Empire News reader, and submitted to our op-ed department.

In 2020 when our nation’s savior, Donald Trump, had the election stolen from him by ol’ Sleepy Joe, I was incensed. I voted for Trump. Everyone I know voted for Trump. It was clear that nobody had voted for Joe “Older than Dirt” Biden, and that this entire election process was a farce, and the nation was having the wool pulled over its eyes by a demonic Democratic left.

With that in mind, I did what any patriotic American nationalist would do, and I started an online business selling Anti-Biden merchandise. My best seller has always been the “F— Joe Biden” t-shirts with a picture of Biden’s ghost-like face being slapped by the mighty hand of President Donald J. Trump. But that’s not the only item I had in my store, not by a long shot. We sold “F— Biden” mugs, “F— Biden” hats, and even had a pretty decent seller in “F— Biden” teddy bears for the kids. I was really raking it in.

Had Biden continued his bid for re-election, I could have easily expected another 6 months of sales, at a minimum. When Trump takes office after this election, I could have even gotten another few months post-transfer of power, if Trump had beaten Biden. Now that is all thrown out the window. He’s not beating Biden anymore, and with his announcement about dropping from the race my sales have gone from over $175 a day down to literally zero. I’m sick over this.

I’ve already sunk tens of thousands of dollars into my “F— Biden” merchandise, and it’s not even possible for me to return it to the Chinese manufacturer who produced it for me. My simpleton of a wife suggested I just cross off Biden and write Harris, but that would be dumber than my decision to marry that bitch in the first place. If I wasn’t busy trying to find a lawyer to sue Joe Biden over dropping out and ruining my livelihood, I’d be looking for a good divorce attorney. But I digress…

Whenever someone says to me that Joe “The Jerk” Biden has helped build the economy up since Trump left office, I seethe to the point of drooling all over myself with anger. Yeah, Biden has done so much for the economy that he has literally killed my business. Good job, Joe, you piece of wrinkly old paper.

There’s clearly only one thing to do this November, and that’s not vote at all. No, that’s not a mistake. I mean I can’t vote for Trump again – he’s the oldest candidate in the history of the country, and he’s already been shot once. He’s not making it four years, and then we’d be stuck with that absolute bell-end of a baby, J.D. Vance as our president, and I’d rather slice open my own testicles and eat the innards than have that happen. We know I can’t vote for Harris, because she’s a black woman and even if her policies make sense in almost every instance, that goes against everything I stand for as a mostly-racist, white, Sunday Christian who works a blue collar job while wearing a red hat in middle America.

So thank, Joe Biden, you old ass bitch. You ruined my business, you ruined my country, and most of all, you’ve left me with $135,000 worth of “F— Joe Biden” teddy bears.

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving a club in New York City with SNL cast member and comedian Pete Davidson.

Momoa and Bonet had been together for over 16 years, but didn’t marry until 2017. The couple announced an amicable split on social media which immediately was picked up by the AP, but nobody thought they’d see Momoa out with anyone new quite so soon. Davidson, who has been romantically linked to nearly every woman on the planet, most recently Kim Kardashian, has reportedly swooped in quickly to get in on Momoa’s hunky, manly body.

“The dude is fucking awesome in Aquaman,” Davidson told a reporter for TMZ. “I’ve never felt super into dudes, but one look at Jason with his shirt off throughout the entire runtime of that movie, and I challenge any man not to get erect. It’s just not possible.”

Davidson is known for his whirlwind relationships, and friends of Momoa are already concerned for his well-being.

“Jason is one big, badass dude,” said friend Timothée Chalamet, who recently starred in the epic film DUNE with Momoa. “Nobody is saying that Jason can’t take care of himself, but on the inside he’s a big soft teddy bear, and I just hope that Pete doesn’t screw around with his feelings.”

Momoa and his reps could not be reached for comment. According to sources, his ex Lisa Bonet – best known for her role as Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show – is “completely broken up” about Momoa being seen out so soon with someone new.

“She knew he’d eventually start seeing someone else, but didn’t know it would be this fast,” said a friend of Bonet’s who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, Jason could have any woman on this planet, and Lisa knows that. Hell, God knows I’ve jilled-off to thoughts of him before. So Lisa expected someone to come along eventually, but I think we’re all surprised that it’s Pete Fucking Davidson.”

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Faux Report

Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’

“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”

Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.

“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”

Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.

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Faux Report

Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’

“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”

Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.

“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”

Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.

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Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

Trump To Host Massive ‘I Beat Impeachment’ Party at White House This Weekend

WASHINGTON, D.C. 

President Trump has decided to throw a massive “I Beat Impeachment” party at the White House, which is slated to kickoff around 6PM on Saturday, with plans to run until the early morning hours on Monday.

“This is going to be the biggest, and best event that the White House has ever seen,” said President Trump. “When you’re the best, you want to have the best parties, and invite the best celebrities, and it’s going to be huge. Just huge. I’m very excited to have people join me for this mega-rager.”

Trump went on to say that several celebrity guests were scheduled to appear, including Eli Manning, Rush Limbaugh, Ted Nugent, and a “variety of Playboy Playmates” from the last several years.

“Oh man, the amount of planning this has taken is immense,” said a White House staffer who preferred to stay anonymous. “When the President parties, it’s a big deal. We need to include a barrage of cocaine and alcohol to keep the guests happy, and I’ll tell you right now – if you think the impeachment was a waste of taxpayer money, the cost of this party is going to put that to shame.”

Musical guests scheduled to perform include Kanye West, Dire Straits, and The Jesus and Mary Chain.

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Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

Trump To Host Massive ‘I Beat Impeachment’ Party at White House This Weekend

WASHINGTON, D.C. 

President Trump has decided to throw a massive “I Beat Impeachment” party at the White House, which is slated to kickoff around 6PM on Saturday, with plans to run until the early morning hours on Monday.

“This is going to be the biggest, and best event that the White House has ever seen,” said President Trump. “When you’re the best, you want to have the best parties, and invite the best celebrities, and it’s going to be huge. Just huge. I’m very excited to have people join me for this mega-rager.”

Trump went on to say that several celebrity guests were scheduled to appear, including Eli Manning, Rush Limbaugh, Ted Nugent, and a “variety of Playboy Playmates” from the last several years.

“Oh man, the amount of planning this has taken is immense,” said a White House staffer who preferred to stay anonymous. “When the President parties, it’s a big deal. We need to include a barrage of cocaine and alcohol to keep the guests happy, and I’ll tell you right now – if you think the impeachment was a waste of taxpayer money, the cost of this party is going to put that to shame.”

Musical guests scheduled to perform include Kanye West, Dire Straits, and The Jesus and Mary Chain.

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