Tag Archives: Law

Faux Report

Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’

“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”

Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.

“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”

Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.

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Faux Report

Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’

“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”

Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.

“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”

Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.

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Faux Report

Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as a ‘Modern Day Hero.’

“Mr. Ex-President is, naturally, very excited about this outcome,” says an anonymous source. “He loves Kyle, and has consistently been referring to the teen as a ‘modern day hero’ after what happened in Wisconsin.”

Publicly, President Joe Biden has been very avoidant of commenting too heavily on his feelings about Kyle Rittenhouse’s arrest and subsequent trial. When Rittenhouse was acquitted last week, the Biden administration issued a statement simply acknowledging that “the jury system works, and we have to abide by it,” hinting heavily that he didn’t agree with the verdict. But Trump has been pushing in the exact opposite direction.

“Oh man, Mr. Ex-President is jumping for joy over this outcome,” says an anonymous source who works for Trump. “He threw a huge party the night of the verdict. It was like a birthday party for a deranged toddler – there were pony rides and balloons and cupcakes featuring little automatic rifles drawn in frosting. He even set up a ‘pin the tail on the looter’ section, with giant pictures of African American rioters hung on the wall, and blindfolded guests trying to stick them with giant pins. Of course, Trump fell asleep about 45 minutes into the party, but we still had a blast regardless. Kid Rock played. It was kind of wild.”

Another source claims that Trump and Rittenhouse have actually been texting each other since the verdict, bonding over their love for misplaced violence, a completely corrupt and failing justice system, and their mutual disregard for African Americans.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, February 22, 2021

Drama and theater! The veil is lifting. Tech giants are useful, but they seem driven by parasites. The same can be said of legislative bodies, entertainment giants, and prosecutors going after the January 6 Capitol Insurrection.

Jessica Watkins has an interesting story to tell. Her defense of January 6 could convince the public that the prosecution is over-stating its case, looking to hang anyone and everyone possible as payback for the Capitol being breached. In acquitting those who occupied their legislative floor in 2014, Taiwan’s dignity far outshines that of America’s. To the US Supreme Court: You have a higher bar to reach, so to speak.

Social media takes a bumpy turn for the better. Australia’s social media law is somewhat vague, but mainly forces dialog. As understood by the Times, the Aussie law, along with the infamous ‘Articles 11’ of the EU law, aren’t aimed at the normal guy nor the pundit. Instead, they aim at huge tech giants who use AI to aggregate enormous numbers of new stories as one more added feature of their already behemoth-sized tech services. The infamous EU ‘Article 13’ law banning memes is another story. While Europe wants to tax links on Apple and Google, then ban memes for nearly everyone, Australia just wants Facebook and Google to have a conversation when they re-post part of a news story.

While the giants fight, originality steps up. In the approaching shadow of it becoming illegal to use any old music on YouTube, the need for original music spikes. Such laws were lobbied for by big entertainment companies; ironically it is big entertainment that now faces its fiercest competition from billions of ‘little guys’—who used to be their customers.

So, to the tech giants, tech-phobic lawmakers, copyright mongers, and prosecutors: Keep overreaching. Just keep overreaching.

Trump

Sen. Lindsey Graham says he spoke to Donald Trump after his acquittal and the former President is ‘excited’ about 2022 // CNN

State & Local

Michigan restaurants push for increased capacity limits // WOOD NBC 8 Grand Rapids, MI

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer declares state of energy emergency in MI // ABC 12 Flint

Liquor licenses suspended at Michigan bar violating 25% capacity, 10 p.m. closing rules // MLive.com

Satirical billboard south of Michigan border calls Whitmer ‘Indiana businessperson of the year’ // MLive.com

Republicans

Trump-McConnell rift threatens GOP’s Senate hopes // Politico

The Birthplace of the Republican Party Buckles After Trump Nearly Blew Up the GOP // Politico

Trump declares war on McConnell, vows to back MAGA challengers // CNBC

Trump rips McConnell in lengthy statement after being acquitted in impeachment trial // CNN

Violence, Radicalism & Terrorism

Alleged Oathkeeper says she was protecting VIPs at Trump rally // CNN

Soc Media, Cybersecurity & Tech

What is Article 13 and Article 11? // IT Pro

Australia news code: What’s this row with Facebook and Google all about? // BBC News

Google and Facebook: the landmark Australian law that will make them pay for news content // Guardian

Facebook restarts talks over Australia media law // Politico (EU)

News Law – Facebook Australia // australia.fb.com

Space

Mars landing team ‘awestruck’ by photo of descending rover // Phys.org

NASA Mars Perseverance rover has successfully landed // CNN

Mid East

US sanctions inflicted $1 trillion damage on Iran’s economy: FM // Aljazeera

NATO Focus

UPDATE 1-White House says U.S. not inviting Russia to G7 // Yahoo News

U.S. enters NATO meetings: China and Russia threats, Afghanistan war drags // CNBC

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Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

Parent Company of Corona Beer Sues China Over Bad Press During Their Coronavirus Scare

MEXICO CITY, Mexico – 

Anheuser-Busch InBev, the parent company of Corona brands of beer, has announced they are filing suit against the Chinese government, after the massive Coronavirus scare in that country has caused a mass panic and multiple deaths. AB InBev claims that the bad press of deaths, mixed with the satiric natures of internet memes connecting “coronavirus” with Corona beers has caused them a loss of tens of millions of dollars.

“Anheuser-Busch InBev feels that the Chinese government is solely responsible for putting the bad taste in people’s mouths regarding the name Corona,” said AB InBev spokesman Rick Barker. “The lack of their medical care, the lack of their preparation, has lead to a massive outbreak of the Coronavirus in China, and as such, has lead to a massive souring of our brand here in the United States.”

The lawsuit, which claims nearly $200 million in damages, was filed in a superior court in Beijing, and names several specific government officials and medical personnel.

“While Corona beer has never been particularly popular in the United States with anyone, outside of those who hate the taste of good beer so prefer swill that you have to add fruit to in order to drink it, but that’s not the point,” said Barker. “We are already feeling the pinch of this Coronavirus, and sales figures are dwindling daily. It’s only a matter of time before the connection becomes a total mixture of truth and reality, and people stop drinking Coronas all together because they think they’ll get sick from it. They will, but that’s because it’s garbage beer, not because it’s got any virus in it.”

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Faux Report

Parent Company of Corona Beer Sues China Over Bad Press During Their Coronavirus Scare

MEXICO CITY, Mexico – 

Anheuser-Busch InBev, the parent company of Corona brands of beer, has announced they are filing suit against the Chinese government, after the massive Coronavirus scare in that country has caused a mass panic and multiple deaths. AB InBev claims that the bad press of deaths, mixed with the satiric natures of internet memes connecting “coronavirus” with Corona beers has caused them a loss of tens of millions of dollars.

“Anheuser-Busch InBev feels that the Chinese government is solely responsible for putting the bad taste in people’s mouths regarding the name Corona,” said AB InBev spokesman Rick Barker. “The lack of their medical care, the lack of their preparation, has lead to a massive outbreak of the Coronavirus in China, and as such, has lead to a massive souring of our brand here in the United States.”

The lawsuit, which claims nearly $200 million in damages, was filed in a superior court in Beijing, and names several specific government officials and medical personnel.

“While Corona beer has never been particularly popular in the United States with anyone, outside of those who hate the taste of good beer so prefer swill that you have to add fruit to in order to drink it, but that’s not the point,” said Barker. “We are already feeling the pinch of this Coronavirus, and sales figures are dwindling daily. It’s only a matter of time before the connection becomes a total mixture of truth and reality, and people stop drinking Coronas all together because they think they’ll get sick from it. They will, but that’s because it’s garbage beer, not because it’s got any virus in it.”

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Faux Report

Gizmo Files Lawsuit Against Disney Over ‘Baby Yoda’, Claims Company Stole His Likeness

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Gremlins star Gizmo has filed a lawsuit in a Los Angeles superior court against Disney over their latest viral property, “Baby Yoda,” also known as The Child, from the hit Disney+ series The Mandalorian. Gizmo claims that Disney stole his likeness when they created the cute, cuddly character.

“My client is clearly the basis for the new Disney character affectionately known as Baby Yoda, and designers at Disney knew exactly what they were doing when they developed The Child’s final form,” said lawyer Chris Dante, who is representing Gizmo. “We are seeking damages for the extreme distress, loss of work, and emotional turmoil that Baby Yoda has caused my client. I am confident we have a strong case.”

Lawyers for Disney could not be reached for comment, but an anonymous employee who works on The Mandalorian said that there were draft notes that indicated Disney executives “very much” wanted to have a new character that “was 50% Yoda, 50% Gizmo, and 100% adorable.”

Gizmo first rose to fame in 1984 with his starring role in the Christmas-themed horror film Gremilins. 

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Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, September 30, 2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPuDM3m0-Kk

The Hong Kong law currently going through Congress essentially de-escalates, yet therefore intensifies the Hong Kong issue. Rather than prescribing punitive measures if China escalates Hong Kong into military conflict, the law reassesses the unique standing that made Hong Kong so special in the first place. According to these new laws, if China asserts a policy that "Hong Kong is China" too much, then the US will agree and, more or less, remove the diplomatic relationship with Hong Kong. Then, Hong Kong would truly be "China" and no longer valuable to the world.

As for the Human Rights issues, Congress would need no extra law to intervene. The UN and the US already have enough on the books. And, Trump told Xi in no uncertain terms that there would not be a Tienanmen Square Part II.

Through it all, Western globalist fools are being exposed for what fools they are. While Beijing Communists plot the Sinicizaiton of the world, globalists believe that they must keep doing business with China, otherwise their incomes could be cut in half. They never consider that China's goal of growth is not to grow the incomes of globalists, nor to cut incomes in half, but to take all the globalists' money away, then brainwash them into Mandarin-speaking Communists.

For the globalists to rebuke Trump for his trade war would be like telling Moses to continue Israel's slavery in Egypt so that Pharaoh doesn't double their slave-labor workload. The Israeli slaves in Egypt didn't need lighter slave work loads; they needed freedom. Some globalists still haven't figured that out, but they will, thanks to China.

But, none of that will matter inside China, not this week anyway. Tomorrow, the Chinese will look at evidence of their perfection and greatness—a specific kind of evidence that persuades the Chinese more than anything else. In the midst of protests and trade wars, China is having a parade; and that is why China wants you to believe China should rule the world.

continue reading

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Faux Report

President Trump Set To Legalize Marijuana on a Federal Level

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump announced earlier this morning via Twitter that he would be legalizing marijuana on a federal level, which would automatically lift restrictions in every state, even those that have yet to set up legalization and retail options.

“At this point, there’s really no reason to continue classifying it as a Schedule 1 drug,” tweeted President Trump. “Everyone smokes it, or eats it in delicious little pastries and candies. Frankly, edibles are the only reason I can sleep at night myself. It’s been a long battle with wasted trillions of dollars, and I want it to stop.”

The President went on to say that the influx of tax revenue at the state and federal levels would be astronomical.

“Colorado can buy whatever they want, because it’s huge out there,” said Trump. “They can pay for education, healthcare, new roads, whatever. They can do that because of weed taxes. This is going to make the American people rich. Now we will be able to start building that wall!”

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Faux Report

California Passes Law to Completely Ban Cigarette Sales

SACRAMENTO, California – 

Lawmakers in California have passed a new law through the House that will completely abolish the sale of cigarettes throughout the state, according to reports. The new regulation, which will cost the state billions in tax revenue, will supposedly save upwards of 2 million lives per year.

“We have known forever that smoking is stupid shit, so why are we still selling cigarettes? Why is this still a thing?” said Representative John Lyman – D, California. “There is absolutely no reason to smoke. None. It doesn’t have a single actual benefit. It’s not like smoking weed, which, let’s face it, is awesome. Banning the sale will save lives, and help children not pick up the habit.”

The law will not go into effect until January of 2020, but Lyman says he hopes that many stores stop selling before then.

“I doubt they will, but it really is something we’re hoping the public helps us with,” said Lyman. “I mean shit, this isn’t Alabama. We’re a lot more sophisticated here.”

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Faux Report

After Record Number of Children Disappear, Man Arrested With 47 Kids Found Locked In His Basement

MIAMI, Florida

A Florida man has been charged with felony kidnapping and attempted murder after authorities discovered 47 missing children locked in the basement of his home.

According to police, more than 50 children have been reported missing in Miami since last Monday, and police were at a loss about the disappearances, until a tip lead them to the home of Mario Wilson, 50. Police say that an anonymous call led them to them.

“We have no idea who made the call, or how they knew where to find the children, but we are grateful,” said police chief Mitch Rogers. “We have found 47 of the 52 children reported missing. We are still hunting for the 5 remaining children, and at this point, we have no reason to consider them anything other than ‘missing.’”

Wilson reportedly was luring children into his home with the prospect of watching an unreleased Pokemon movie, to which every child gleefully ran into the home. Inside, they were disappointed to find that it was just a VHS tape of old recorded episodes.

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