Tag Archives: dick pic

Faux Report

Patient Who Had Pictures Taken Of Penis While Unconscious Says Nurse Is ‘Hot,’ ‘Doesn’t Really Mind’

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FULTON, New York – 

Kristen Johnson, 27, was ordered to surrender her nursing license today after getting caught taking pictures of an unconscious patient’s penis with her iPhone, and sending the pictures to co-workers. The Fulton-area nurse apparently was in awe of the man’s member, and felt the need to take some “dick pics.”

The patient, whose identity remains anonymous, did make a public statement to the press, in that he was “completely okay” with the incident, and doesn’t really think that Johnson did anything wrong.

“I’m huge, and I know it, and that’s totally fine,” said the anonymous man, whose only identifying feature is that he is ‘over 10 inches.’ “Besides, now that I’ve seen the nurse who took the picture, I’m not too worried about it. She’s young and hot. They could let her off with a slap on the wrist – or on the ass, even – and it would all be good.”

A judge ordered that Johnson was “morally unfit” to continue her profession, and she was ordered to turn in her nursing license, and is no longer allowed to practice in her field within the state.

“Frankly, I’m kind of turned on by the whole thing,” said the patient. “I mean honestly. If the situation were reversed, and I was a hot girl who had her picture taken by a male nurse, they’d be stringing him up by his balls right now, and he’d be in jail. This is such a double standard. Either lock her up for invading privacy, or don’t, and call it a day. Either way, she should call me. I’m single and just coming out of a coma.”

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Faux Report

Patient Who Had Penis Photographed By Nurse When Unconscious Says He’s “Cool With It” After Seeing How Hot She Is

patientpic

UPSTATE, New York – 

A nurse in New York was forced to turn in her license to practice after she took selfies and “dick pics” of an unconscious patient, and then shared the pictures with co-workers. 27-year-old Kristen Johnson was forced by a judge to give up her license after she was deemed “morally unfit” to practice.

The patient, whose identity was not revealed, did make a public statement, saying that he didn’t think that there was anything wrong with what happened.

“If she had been fat and ugly, taking pictures of my dick would have been a no-go,” said the patient. “But I mean, really now. Have you seen her? She’s a hot 27-year-old, and what better way to flatter a guy when he gets out of a coma than to tell him a hot girl was admiring his package? I’m totally cool with it.”

A lawyer for the patient was hired by the hospital, but he says that he has “no intention” of going any further through the legal system with the issue.

“If it had been a guy taking pictures of some unconscious girl’s vag, and then shared it around, people would be calling for his balls on a platter, but because this is a young, attractive girl, they’re just making her give up her license,” said the patient. “Honestly, I think she’s suffered enough. Her career is ruined, and she didn’t even get to take home the prize.”

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Tweets Nude Pic To Prove He’s Well Hung

trumptweet

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

The media has been in a frenzy the last week after Donald Trump mentioned that there were “no problems” with the size of his penis during the recent Republican debates. Although most people were in shock that such crude and asinine comments were made during a presidential race, a huge chunk of the internet started asking for Trump to prove it, using the social media hashtag #TrumpShowUsYourPenis.

The Donald, not one to back down from a challenge, accepted the outcries of the young people of social media, and today he tweeted a fully nude selfie showing how big he really is.

“You asked for it America, and here it is,” said Trump’s tweet. “I wasn’t lying about the size of my penis, and I’m not lying about making this country great again. #dickpic.” Also included was a link to the image, which is obviously NSFW.

The tweet went viral immediately, as did the picture attached. Most people were in shock when they saw how big he actually was, and still others say that they’re actually going to vote for him now.

“Before this picture and tweet, I thought he was a buffoon,” said Joelle Clarke of Lansing, Michigan. “Now that he actually had the balls – literally – to tweet a picture of his package, I believe that he has the balls to get things done in the White House, too.”

Senator Bernie Sanders, when asked about the picture, said he “hadn’t seen it,” and “had no interest in doing so.” Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton said that she had set it as her cell phone’s wallpaper, and was currently discussing with her campaign manager whether it would be a good idea to tweet a picture of her own big, ugly penis.

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