Faux Report

Tim Kaine Says He’s ‘Undecided’ About Who To Vote For

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Tim Kaine, the current Junior U.S. Senator for Virginia and Hillary Clinton’s running mate for Vice-President, says that he is still a ‘little undecided’ about who he should vote for on November 8th.

“It all comes down to who can do the best job for this country, and I’m still weighing that decision before I head to the polls,” said Kaine. “There are issues that are still up in the air, and even after watching all the debates, the decision is never an easy one.”

Kaine went on to say that Trump and Hillary are both “pretty cool people,” and that he is hoping to see a Democratic victory for the presidency, he can’t promise that he’ll vote straight-ticket during the election.

 

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Says He Has Already ‘Secured Funding’ For His Mexican Border Wall

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump has said that he has finally secured full financing for the wall that he plans to build between Mexico and the United States.

According to a Trump campaign staffer, Donald has been meeting with “powerful” people on both sides of the border, and he has finally managed to get everyone together to pitch in to what all parties seem to think is a “worthwhile idea.”

The total cost for the wall is estimated to be somewhere in the nature of $650 billion dollars, making it one of the most expensive projects ever undertaken by either country. Donald Trump himself has promised to put in almost $1 billion of his own money to make sure that the wall is built.

“I have yuge respect for the Mexicans, and the people of Mexico, and for Mexican food,” said Trump. “What I don’t have yuge respect for is illegal Mexicans skipping across our borders, coming into this country, and stealing job from hard working Americans. That’s not the kind of country I want to live in, and that’s not making America great. This wall, this yuge wall, that is what will make America great again.”

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Drops Out Of Race After Latest Polls Show Him 70 Points Behind

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WASHINGTON, D.C. 

Donald Trump has announced that he has officially dropped from the presidential race, conceding to Hillary Clinton only a few short weeks before the November 8th election date.

According to campaign staffers, the latest poll numbers after all 3 debates were completed showed Trump a staggering 70 points behind. Some polls even showed him closer to 80.

“It is with a yuge regret that I have to announce that I am backing out of the campaign,” said Donald Trump. “I know that I have many, many supporters, and I appreciate all that everyone has done. I’ve had a hell of a run, but there is no coming back from this. Blunders or not, the polls do not, and have never, lied. It’s time to end it all.”

Trump says that he was always unsure of being president, even as he was running, because it would leave a “major hole” in his $4B a year business, that he currently personally manages.

“I could never leave my business fully, because someone else would have to run it, and no one else could do what I do,” said Trump. “It was always in the back of my mind that I may have to give this up. Now that the numbers are appearing, it’s time to stop the bleeding and get back to what I’m good at, which is making money.”

Hillary Clinton will finish the race unopposed, but that does leave the door wide open for voters to write-in a third party candidate. With Trump out of the race, it’s fairly well Clinton’s to win.

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Halloween Mask Is Biggest Selling Item In History

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – 

Nevada Halloween Company, located just outside of Las Vegas, began producing a new mask this year that they dubbed “Dummy Politician.” Of course, it’s clearly a likeness of Donald Trump, even if they’re not specifically saying so. Regardless of the gag, though, the mask has shocked the world, going viral, and becoming the number one biggest selling item of all time – of and item.

“It’s not just the biggest selling Halloween mask,” said Derek Jones, president of Nevada Halloween. “We’ve sold more masks than Apple has iPhones. More than Budweiser has sold beer. We’ve sold more of these masks than anyone has ever sold of anything…ever. It’s truly a triumph for our little company.”

According to Jones, the company has sold over 7 billion of the masks, almost enough for every man, woman, and child in the world to go as a “dummy politician” for Halloween.

“It’s really astounding how many we’ve sold, but what’s more astounding is that a lot of people write in to thank us for selling such an ‘American’ product, and that they’re happy we’re doing our part to ‘Make America Great Again,'” said Jones. “I don’t get it. For one, America is already great. Saying we need to make it great again would imply it’s not currently, and that’s not true at all. And two, the mask is called ‘dummy politician.’ How stupid are these voters?”

 

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 24, 2016

WikiLeaks’ time ran out.

Extraditing Julian Assange for “rape” charges to Sweden, where he can then be extradited to the US, would reduce all future “sexual” allegations to being a potential fake tool in all future cases all over the world. If the charges are real, the extradition would include clauses that he be returned to Ecuador once the case is cleared and any sentence served, but that probably won’t happen because that is probably not what is happening. As we can see with the media’s assault against Trump, sexual charges have already been reduced to a mere means of a more deeply-motivated political assault. Remember, this happened after WikiLeaks attacked the incumbent’s political party during October Surprise season—but not back in September, after the FBI revealed that Obama was chatting with Hillary pseudononymously on her server. That’s curious.

WikiLeaks may view their mission as holding governments accountable with conspiracy, which was never going to last, but the greater achievement is accountability to competence.

As with Snowden, the best response from governments would have been to ignore and deny. To attack is to notarize. Those seeking to prosecute Assange and Snowden are the real leak—proving they don’t know how to keep secrets, thinking that prosecuting the ones who outsmarted them would make up for the fact that they failed in their main task: to keep secrets secret. If the FBI director doesn’t know the simple Apple backdoor that any high school student knows, prudence says he won’t tell the world. But, we’re not looking at prudence—not from governments, not from WikiLeaks, not from anyone.

If Trump wins the White House, he should honor Snowden and Assange. Notwithstanding that they both helped him get elected, they exposed the guards of government secrets as being too out of date for the tech age. Annoying, yes, but Snowden and Assange showed the US that the digital age needs tech-savvy people calling the shots where Intelligence is concerned. Anyone who saw public statements from the brass at NIA or FBI over Snowden or iPhones knows that they are being run by tech incompetence. Due to incompetent leadership, Snowden and Assange did not have high security clearance, but were given high-access information anyway, somehow; they told the public in public; they did not tell enemies in secret; they should receive honors as Good Samaritans.

WikiLeaks, however, was never going to last. It was always going to be a kamikaze mission. It was always going to be the focus of every attack. Everything seems to become a tool of something else, these days. If WikiLeaks lasted too long, it would become a tool of conspiracy and therefore no longer be useful.

More importantly, WikiLeaks is simply no longer necessary for its own purpose. Rather than having a web space or URL, the mases can use searchable tags. Publicizing WikiLeaks—whether State-initiated attacks or the media claiming the public is not allowed to visit the site—has already turned WikiLeaks into a meme.

The entire topic opens up the discussion of news itself. Anyone can have a YouTube channel. Anyone can have a blog. Private or public, corporate or individual, anonymous or identified, hacked or honest—anyone can post information. WikiLeaks gave the public an idea, the government validated it, now WikiLeaks has worked itself out of a job.

All WikiLeaks needs now is to get shut down, thereby promoted to eternal and immutable martyrdom, and then thousands of uncontrollable, less scrupulous, dangerous, and devious copycats will spring up across the globe. Everyone got more than he bargained for. WikiLeaks’ mission will soon be over-accomplished, thanks to the incompetent fogies managing the State who seem all to willing to help WikiLeaks with that last, vital promotion to godhood. By not understanding the notoriety of martyrdom, the all-time secret that all press is good press, and the basics of how technology works, responses from the State-media duo has handed the next election to Trump on a golden platter.

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Encore of Revival: America, October 17, 2016

If the Clinton campaign is doing so well, why are they working so hard? If the media “knows” Trump will win and has totally done himself in “this time” (as in many times before) then why do they have such a demonstrable effort against him? Why is it illegal for the public to read WikiLeaks, but not for CNN? And why, if the box office is down, did “Star Wars” help the box office make so much money? Are movies from the 80’s all that people want to see anymore?

When Trump “changes his mind” from a non-teleprompter statement to a media microscope interrogation a few days later, his supporters like him more for one reason: It proves he is normal.

Americans make whimsical statements every day as they toss ideas and formulate real opinions. The small back-and-forth as real Americans—including Trump—develop their ideas in a consistent, overall direction is a stark contrast to the flip-flopping of career politicians with calculated, consulted, contrived so-called “positions” as they forget whether they are speaking to their secret donors or the voters they scam. Of course, no one has a front-row seat to this difference like the media, who seem to be so ignorant of that difference that the ignorance has become an indictment.

No one will ever trust the media after this election. They have bankrupted their “emotional bank account” of public trust.

The sad part is how many career politicians think their smooth statements are actually helpful. But, the Republican rhetoric lovers forget that the smoothest-talking presidents with the least offensive speeches have always been Democrats. Republicans who get the blue votes always make big waves.

Everything, including the extra effort for Hillary, says that Trump will win November.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 10, 2016

There is a point where moot meets mud. We are almost to that point. America is in danger because of both Trumpists and anti-Trumpists.

Anti-Trumpists—except “Cruzers”—despise every political opponent Trump cut down prior to the election. What anti-Trumpist likes the Bushes or Karl Rove? What Leftist or “pro-public sector expansionist” likes the Republican agenda? There is a lot of hate for Trump from the people who hate the people whose political careers Trump permanently ruined. They are quite ungrateful for all their enemies he has knocked down when their other “favorites” never did.

Why? The best explanation to this point is that anti-Trumpists live in worlds of “theory”. They aren’t founders of small business employers. They aren’t money-making, bread-winning, hard-working vertebra of the economy’s manufacturing backbone.

Anti-Trumpists include members of third parties who support politicians who lose every election, but somehow still pay their bills with campaign contributions. They work in an office of a company created by someone who is long decease where most of their “professionalism” is tied to “tone of voice” as they enjoy someone else’s wake, thinking it is the entire lake. Or, they live and work in the world of padded furniture, complements of big education. They theorize without ever making waves themselves, without ever cutting the top off the mustard, without having to prove whether their theories even work.

For too long, too many Americans have coached from the bleachers, instructed the driver from the back seat, and commented from the show’s peanut gallery. They criticize and say, “That’s the wrong way to do it,” while seeming to forget that doing a thing the “right way” involves the thing actually getting done. Perhaps, it wasn’t the right or wrong “way” that they were concerned about, but that the thing got done at all, and the “way” was their excuse to object. Or, perhaps they didn’t care whether the thing got done at all, but only about “the right way” exclusive of doing or not doing the thing that did or didn’t get done. And, our nation-wide lack of care for whether or not things get done has brought us to this election.

Trump’s worst is what he has said and how he says it. Both Clinton’s worst is in what they have done when they said the opposite. We all know who supports who. Of all possible criticisms, anti-Trumpists choose the arguments that appear to be most contradictory. One would think one would choose arguments that might hold up better. There are better arguments against Trump than anti-Trumpists give, such as “what would happen if he succeeds”. But, maybe Trump’s “tone” so angers “tone-lovers” that they lose their composure. Anti-Trumpists might be right, but if they knew why they were right, they have kept it a better secret than the contents of emails on a scrubbed email server.

Trumpism and anti-Trumpism are two symptoms of a disease in America—a disease which causes its victims to not know how to actually make stuff work, but to keep using proven-to-fail methods over and over again, expecting success. When some of them first and finally wake-up at last, they leap to the closest go-gettter they find: Trump. And, that’s true of Christians more than any other, both the White Religious Right and the Black Church Democrats, both who support the very poster-boy politicians who yank the football every November—at Thanksgiving, safely after the elections.

Trumpists, want “anything” that might change status quo. It’s almost dangerous. The biggest virtue Trump offers is that he is “different”, the second-biggest is that he has “done” what America needs done more of, namely infrastructure and job-creation. The danger is that Trump might succeed, which means shoes too big to fill and the quick downfall of America thereafter. For too long we have cared about manner more than results. Now, we want to elect someone who will hand us what results we wouldn’t work for.

If only the anti-Trumpists now and the pro-Bushists before had a little more awareness of the real world, the country’s situation would be different. Then, neither Trump nor Hillary could possibly be on the ballot. But, America has a disease of disconnecting theory with the reality it theorizes. So, 2016 has been condemned to a Trump-Hillary ticket.

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Encore of Revival: America, October 3, 2016

The debate showed everyone whatever they were looking for. People who think that tone, speeches, and brand new plans determine good leadership loved Hillary for all those reasons. People who value portfolios more than resumes, and who don’t care much for “proper tone”, found what they wanted in Trump. Christians who test character by tone of voice didn’t like either candidate. Nearly everyone said of the debate, “See, I told you so.”

The interesting thing is the divide over conventional lines. Trump broke the mold. Now, non-Christian Liberals are voting for a non-Conservative Republican to make up for half of the Christians who don’t know what to think. The new unifying divider is the question of whether to judge by promises by portfolio or resume.

Symphony predicts Trump will win. But that is a prediction Symphony cares little about. The bigger prediction is that revival will return to America one way or another.

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Faux Report

Trump Donates $130k To Organization Founded By Westboro Baptist Church

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Richard Young, a spokesperson for Faith Among Nations, has confirmed to reporters that his organization recently received a donation in the amount of $130,000 from republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

Faith Among Nations is a non-profit organization currently overseen by Paul Addison, however was originally founded in 1999 by Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. In 2001, Phelps resigned from his position at Faith Among Nations and appointed Paul Addison to take his place as the organization’s president.

The organization claims to help wounded soldiers, wayward children, and victims of natural disasters through monetary donations while promoting traditional Christian values, however the non-profit is widely viewed as an “untrustworthy organization” and has been known to funnel money directly to The Westboro Baptist Church.

Many believe that Faith Among Nations is nothing more than a shell corporation set-up by Phelps to assist in the funding of Westboro Baptist Church business expenses such as travel expenses including air fare, hotel accommodations, and gas expenses. In 2004, the organization was slapped with multiple hefty fines when it was uncovered that upwards of $600,000 worth of Faith Among Nations donations were used to pay Westboro Baptist Church salaries.

When asked directly about the Faith Among Nations donation, Trump told reporters, “Unlike my opponents, I donate to many non-profit and charitable organizations, next question.” Many believe that Trump was unaware that his seemingly massive donation would be used to fund the questionable activities of the Westboro Baptist church, however, many others are of the opinion that Trump knowingly supported the organization.

Trump’s $130,000 donation to Faith Among Nations, is the second controversial donation that the presidential nominee has made this year. He received heavy criticism for a donation of $100,000 that he made to the Greenwell Springs Baptist Church whose interim pastor is Tony Perkins.

(via: The Boston Tribune)

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Faux Report

No Crimes Reported Anywhere In U.S. During Presidential Debate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

For the first time in almost all of recorded history, there was absolutely no crime reported anywhere in the United States throughout the hour and a half of the first Presidential debate.

According to statistics from the Bureau of Violent Crime and Police Activity, there were no crimes called into any police department anywhere in the country during the time of the first debates between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, which is an astounding statistic that experts say may never happen again.

“Over 475 million people were at home, watching the debates live on TV or on social media,” said Bureau head Fred Kahn. “During the entire hour and a half – in which there were no commercials or breaks – we found that there were no crimes committed. I’ve been running this bureau for the better part of 20 years, and I’ve never seen it. At no point in our records has something like this ever happened. It’s an anomaly.”

Kahn says that he thinks that people were just too engrossed in the debate to bother committing and crimes.

“It doesn’t matter who it is – black, white, yellow, purple. People of all races, of all types, of all kinds…they came together during this time, and they decided to stop killing and raping and stealing from each other, and they just watched that dumpster fire of a debate. Together. It’s simultaneously the most and least American thing I’ve ever seen.”

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Terrorist Plot Thwarted During Presidential Debate, Secret Service Captures Attempted Bomber

NEW YORK – 

FBI investigators have confirmed that a large-scale terrorist threat was thwarted on Monday evening, only a short time before presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were scheduled to take the stage to begin one of the most historic debates of our time.

According to FBI spokesman Mario Givens, an unnamed Caucasian man, who “pledged his allegiance” to ISIS, had made his way through security at the event, and was planning to detonate a large bomb.

“The man, whose name we are currently not releasing, was able to make his way through security with a suitcase, which is supposed to be strictly forbidden at these events,” said Givens. “We were able to stop the attempted massacre thanks to the quick-thinking and efforts of an incredible police and security detail.”

Donald Trump was quoted as saying that he was “extremely grateful” for the work done by the security teams at the event, and that he is hopeful for a much safer future.

“It’s clear that anyone looking to bomb this event, they were doing it because of Hillary,” said Trump. “Obviously her supporters are whackos, and these people, these whackos, they usually don’t get the upper hand. The police, FBI, and my private security did an amazing job tonight.”

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Encore of Revival: America, September 26, 2016

The Obama administration finally creates a “cease fire”, and within weeks the other side has a strong case made for new war crimes. Omitting other examples of oxymoronic results, it is ever bit as true that Obama is the number one reason Trump will win 2016 as W Bush was the number one reason Obama won 2008. As with Clinton v HW, and W v Clinton, winning presidents have pit their campaigns against the lame duck for the last 28 years.

As for the irony of Tulsa v Charlotte—why one city prayed while the other was invaded by outside rioters—there is too much going on behind the scenes for any easy explanation. To claim Soros’ funding of outsiders’ protesting is a drastic understatement. Newspapers profit more from hate than peace. Justice and press-release protocol is always too sluggish. Too many cops would rather study donut menus than smart practice—but, not the good ones, of course! White guys say, “Just follow police directions,” to people whose skin they’ve never tried on. Black guys say, “I can’t follow police directions perfectly enough when we’re both scared out of our boots!” Perps feign injury by definition; no one knows who to blame.

Obama has had 8 years of speeches to resolve conflict into peace, but instead—intentionally or incompetently, but no less narcissistically—he kept talking while he kept losing, and thus rolled out another red carpet for the pending Trump victory. It’s almost enough to make one believe in trans-presidential conspiracy. Between HW, Bill, W, Barry, and Trump—there we have a all star lineup. But, who knows and who cares!?

Most of the real news gets unreported anyway. This week’s Syrian atrocity happened to make headlines. But, Russia could not be nominated as a war criminal if ISIS—the dominant sprawling force in Syria—didn’t exist in the first place. The players going home before the clock ran out, leaving behind tanks and trucks and whatever weapons still in the bubble-wrap for “whomever” came along to prize… Who made that call? And, who started in the first place? ISIS was Obama’s score with the Bush family assist, and the man who objected from the beginning, now sporting two assists from the Clinton family, is about to defeat them both and become the next decision-maker. Putin has been on the court longer than any of them. No wonder cigarettes and painkillers are in a dead heat.

If we find favor upstairs, our Texan will get to play longer than even Putin. Cruz finally came around. Trump may give him SCOTUS, not for making an endorsement late or early, but for Cruz being so evidently conscientious. America’s memory of conscience is long overdue.

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Encore of Revival: America, September 19, 2016

The November election is becoming, in a word, “suspicious”.

A few weeks ago, DHS announced out of the blue that the elections needed its help. Obama has spoken nothing but calm, passive-aggressive condescension that angers his opponents and enrages his supporters, while continuing to destroy every scope of American government he “helps”. Why would DHS ever think elections would need help keeping the peace with Obama making such valiant effort?

Hillary stumbles as security are “too late” to hide her from the high-quality, well-placed camera at the scene. It’s not like the Clinton’s didn’t know how to “rope” the press in the 1992 election. Flash back to the Clinton opponent in 1996, Bob Dole falling from a stage. He fell, then did his polls. Funny, Hillary has had the same problem. And, why hasn’t she blamed her security as she used to? Perhaps she’s just too busy. Failing campaigns tend to be that way. Her long-time health questions are making headlines. But, why did all of this come out just in time for “October surprise” season?

In lieu of the low-tide swell in the shadow of the tsunami just before it strikes—at the last minute, just as polls are clearly taking a turn and he needs to change nothing for his victory, Trump suddenly drops his “birther” conspiracy position with no explanation for the change in rhetoric, only the fact of his position and that the discussion is closed. Did someone in a high office decide he was sure enough for victory to explain leadership 400 basics: Never criticize your own office’s predecessor, not matter how wrong he was. Trump is a self-made man. Even in his 70’s he’s never been a successor to anyone since he’s made every company he runs. He would never know those rules of succession and leadership unless someone “e’splained” it to him. And, this week, it seems that “someone” decided he finally had a good reason to.

What in the world is going on? Don’t think for one moment that it’s all a conspiracy—though someone is always trying. The deeper cause for quick changes and unexplained shifts is the greater shift: Revival is returning to America and, accordingly, everyone is in “rare form”.

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Encore of Revival: America, September 12, 2016

It’s been 15 years. And more than ever, we live in weird times. No one “wants” Trumps on the ballot.

Of course “donkey Democrats” support the face they’ve known for 25 years. They hate Trump because he doesn’t talk like a Democrat. But, ironically on the Conservative wing, it seems not a single Trump supporter is glad about the circumstances that make Trump’s candidacy even possible. Even the most avid “Trumpists” would gladly put Cruz or even Jeb on the ballot if the times were as such that they would have a viable run.

But, we aren’t in ordinary times. Instead, we live in such interesting times that Donald J. Trump is racing against Hillary R. Clinton for the nuclear codes. This election will be more like a trip to the doctor and the car mechanic than the usual errands for groceries and the post office; we’d all rather have stayed home.  · · · →

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