Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, November 21, 2016

Liberal leaders’ ill preparation of their voters should be cause enough for suspicion. Ongoing disappointment is one of the best-kept secret evils of the two-party system. If Liberal leaders truly cared so much for their voters as their never ending empathy implies, they would have made sure that Liberal voters were ready for the inevitable losses associated with bipolar politics. But, they didn’t. Why?

Ill preparation from Liberal leaders isn’t the biggest cause for question.

The Republican compromisers in Congress over-reached. For decades, they have condescended and lectured their voters on “why having a majority means they must lose”. They didn’t seem to realize that, while Left-wing voters were sissified and setup for dismay this past election, Right-wing voters were strengthened and beat into confidence. As Tolkein writes of Morgoth, “his cunning overreached his aim; his words touched too deep, and awoke a fire more fierce than he designed.” Had the Republican Congress not passed so many Liberal laws on the Bush agenda–stiff FDA rules, the added bureaucracy of DHS, Common Core and centralized education, the Patriot Act, to name a few–the Religious Right would have gladly accepted his brother as the likely-to-lose nominee.

But, this raises the deeper question that Liberal voters also are just now considering: Why do Republican politicians, ostensibly controlled by so-called “Big Wall St. Money”, vote for Liberal ideas against the will of their voters? Wouldn’t that indicate that the so-called “Big Wall St. Money” wants Liberal things to happen? Given the evidence in plain sight, Liberal voters have every reason to question their own political talking points because those points all agree with “Big Wall St. Money”. It’s only a matter of time before they finish mourning their first failure and realize what they already knew.

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Faux Report

Tim Kaine Says He’s ‘Undecided’ About Who To Vote For

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Tim Kaine, the current Junior U.S. Senator for Virginia and Hillary Clinton’s running mate for Vice-President, says that he is still a ‘little undecided’ about who he should vote for on November 8th.

“It all comes down to who can do the best job for this country, and I’m still weighing that decision before I head to the polls,” said Kaine. “There are issues that are still up in the air, and even after watching all the debates, the decision is never an easy one.”

Kaine went on to say that Trump and Hillary are both “pretty cool people,” and that he is hoping to see a Democratic victory for the presidency, he can’t promise that he’ll vote straight-ticket during the election.

 

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Faux Report

Bernie Sanders Plans Sex Change Surgery To Garner Votes From Women

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Bernie Sanders, who has been leading the polls against Hillary Clinton, announced today that there was one segment of the vote that he was not able to grasp, and that was the women vote.

“I’ve got the African-Americans, the poor, the white, the tall, the skinny, the fat – I’ve got it all, baby,” said Sanders to a packed town hall in New Hampshire on Monday morning. “The one thing I haven’t been able to get is the woman vote. Clinton has that locked in because she was born with a vagina, and that’s one thing I couldn’t compete with. Until now.”

Sanders went on to say that he would be undergoing sex reassignment surgery to better understand what a woman goes through, and he hopes that this will also help to get more women to vote for him.

“I can promise a lot of things, but I can’t promise that I know what it’s like to pee sitting down, or to have breasts and nurse a child, and with this surgery, these changes, I will. And by the end of the year, when it’s time to cast your ballots for president, I will be able to fully encompass all people, even women.”

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Faux Report

PLA Navy Withdraws from North Sea After Scotland’s “No” Vote

LONDON — Britain’s Royal Navy reported Monday that frigates belonging to the People’s Liberation Army Navy anchored near British waters had turned back for their home port in Qingdao after the Scottish referendum on independence returned a decisive “no” vote.

A few weeks ago, when the Scottish National Party-backed “Yes Scotland” campaign drew ahead in certain polls, China’s Central Military Commission ordered a “precautionary” occupation of international waters in the North Sea in case “this inalienable territory of a sovereign state should fall toward independence.”

“The PLA Navy stands ready to bombard Lothian, Aberdeenshire and the Orkney Islands should separatist forces prevail.”

Beijing had previously warned that Scottish independence would “set a dangerous precedent,” and pledged military support to the “rightful rulers of the Scots, i.e. the UK government” in the event of an “illegal schism in violation of the territorial integrity of what is unquestionably one nation, one people, one culture.”

“While we respect the right of the Royal Armed Forces to exercise jurisdiction in their sovereign territory, China cannot tolerate the unilateral declaration of independence by any would-be nation,” ran a press release from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs last Wednesday.

“As such, the PLA Navy stands ready to bombard Lothian, Aberdeenshire and the Orkney Islands should separatist forces prevail on Thursday.”

After the votes were tallied Friday morning, with 55 percent of the country’s voters choosing to remain part of the UK, China’s fleet was recalled, with Xi Jinping making separate telephone calls to Queen Elizabeth II and Prime Minister David Cameron congratulating them on the “continued health of the One Britain Policy.”

The Chinese president reportedly then made a call to Scottish First Minister and independence advocate Alex Salmond, inviting him to Beijing for “tea” at the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection.

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