Tag Archives: Trump

Faux Report

Clinton Campaign Says They Have Trump/Melania Sex Tape And They’ll Release It If He Doesn’t Drop Out

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager has release an email to the press, stating that they have a secret recording of Donald Trump and wife, Melania Trump, having sex – and they plan to release it “accidentally” if he doesn’t drop out of the race.

“If you think that some of the things that Trump has said and done in the past should be embarrassing, there is nothing that touches this,” read the email. “We have secured the tape through legal, legitimate channels, and we are prepared to release it to the public if Trump does not drop from the race.”

According to Trump, it is impossible that Hillary is in possession of a tape of him having sex.

“I have not had sex with my wife, or any woman, in nearly 20 years,” said Trump. “I may have implied that I had a large penis earlier in the race, and that’s true, but it’s also flaccid as hell, and doesn’t get much use. You’d think it would be obvious that a woman as attractive as Melania would be in this for the money, and the power, and not for what is hanging down there.”

The Clinton campaign says that they are not swayed by Trump’s comments, and are fully standing behind their statement that they will release the video if Trump does not back down.

Standard
Faux Report

Donald Trump Admits He Was Only Running For President To Get Hillary Elected

WASHINGTON, D.C – 

The rumors were true after all. Donald Trump has just admitted that he was a Hillary Clinton plant the whole time.

Many have suspected as much, and liberal trolls on the internet have been saying it for months, but now Donald Trump himself has admitted that he is running as a Republican to ensure Hillary Clinton will win in November. Trump revealed via Twitter that he made a deal with Hillary in 2014; this all unfolding mere days after Trump’s lock on securing the Republican nomination

After Donald Trump made this announcement, campaign manager Gerald Rogers released a press release documenting the entire charade.

“Electing Hillary Clinton, the most disliked Democrat politician in decades, would have been impossible unless she were running against a Republican that was even worse. Although, it couldn’t just be any Republican, it would have to be the absolute worst Republican in the country,” said Rogers. “It would have to be a Republican that was so bad even other Republicans would denounce them. It would have to be someone that would split the party and ensure Hillary could win the White House with only 40% of the vote.”

Trump has said now that he has gained the GOP nomination, though, he will continue to run, because “being president” is something that he says he can “really kick ass” at.

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 16, 2016

The Obama administration continues to advance its music. Most of it is song and dance, just a show to draw a reaction from the crowds. Much of it can be ignored or circumvented. Everything can be undone with the stroke of a pen via the next President’s executive order. Many are offended—many of whom think Obama’s policies have more weight than they actually do.

The situation raises many questions. Why does Obama push agendas that he does?

Almost everything Obama is doing through executive action can be outright ignored, even Obamacare. Other things could be disputed at State and local levels. Yet, few dissidents push for those options as they focus on trying to put Trump in office, mostly ignoring the Obama policies. Does Obama think that the lack of State and local action against his policies imply support? Does he think the people are too weak to stand up to him? Does he simply want to provoke his dissidents to get excited and angry, even though his policies are mostly bark with little bite? Or, is he like Plankton in SpongeBob SquarePants who doesn’t know how little he is?

At the same time, the people are getting excited about policies that really can’t be enforced. Are they late bloomers? Why didn’t they get angry when Hannity and O’Reilly tried to warn Americans about Obama’s ties to Rev. Wright? Maybe Obama’s noisy song and dance is just waking up drunk America from her slumber.

Issues are stacking up. TSA wait time seem longer than estimated at Airports. Of course, having one’s stuff together can make those times faster. TSA agents might accommodate passengers at risk of missing flights if asked nicely, with all liquids removed from baggage. But a mother with children running around who doesn’t know where her passport is may have some trouble gaining trust of the security agents. Who is to blame? Everyone needs to get their stuff together better. Those who do have fewer problems, TSA and passengers alike. Israel’s security methods have always been preferable  and effective, yet, for some reasons, Israel gets little consideration in general from Obama.

Facebook seems to be censoring Conservative stories. Russia complains about US defense in Europe. And many people are having to review their personal beliefs and worldviews, largely on account of needing a better set of arguments to either support or oppose Trump and Hillary.

continue reading

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 9, 2016

The Ted Cruz campaign tells much. It was the epitome of establishment Churchianity and establishment politics. In the week before he suspended his campaign, even his own father was calling for a religious-based vote. The dirty political games from his campaign are more like Sunday morning fiefdom clan wars than Clintonian dishonesty. His campaign’s epitaph will read that it is the place all liars go who tell the same lies.

The Sunday morning card can’t be played to bloc up votes ever again. Nor will establishment political parties fool the people with their games. Cruz’s campaign laid out exactly how the Republican and Democratic parties will also collapse over the next two presidential cycles. They may not be viable parties by 2024. It’s already happening with Paul Ryan. Cruz’s campaign tells much.

Cruz drew fire and hatred because he overstayed his welcome. He tried to use any and every lever he could find, probably from a genuine love for his country; only God knows Ted’s heart. During the process, he never broke rules. But, championships are not won on technical fouls alone; he never had a path to win in a democracy through actual democracy. In retrospect, he learned that those games don’t pay off.

Now, just because he played dirty politics doesn’t mean that he supported them. He will likely become one of the greatest opponents of “dirty rules” politics. Those rules didn’t help him, after all.

Cruz still manages to keep a powerful career as a loser. He doesn’t lose easily. The entire nation got a good look at what it was like to fight against him in the Senate. And he got an up-close-and-personal view of the political process from top to bottom.

By dropping out of the race when he did, he atoned for any former wrongdoing. He is clearly a fighter and a man of logic. The math told him it was over and he listened.

It is always good to recognize the right person in the wrong position. Usually, that “wrong” position helps prepare and educate that “right” person for a greater task. With Cruz’s brilliant mind, love for the values that keep nations from falling, combined with his legal, Constitutional, and political background, it is clear that Cruz can and should sit on the Supreme Court. Only a man with Cruz’s intellect could replace that of the late Justice Scalia. On the Supreme Court, Cruz would continue his amazing career, even as a loser, but he would finally lose less.

Cruz’s campaign tells much. Even when the Republican and Democratic establishments fall—even their soon-to-be-former members may have useful purposes elsewhere, Paul Ryan notwithstanding.

Paul Ryan shot his foot off by refusing to support the RNC frontrunner. Now, Palin will campaign against Ryan by helping his Republican challenger, Paul Nehlen.

And, so it begins: Trump lights into Clinton. He will likely lite into the FBI if they don’t indite her soon. Trump knows how to fire people. Dragging their feet on Hillary could be what some call a “career decision”. We’ll see.

continue reading

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 2, 2016

Ted Cruz is not doing “what is necessary to win” the election; he’s doing what it takes to divide. Watch carefully and remember.

Dividing may not be his goal. Damage is rarely a goal; it rarely needs to be. If you want to know just how “establishment” he is look at his establishment methods. By our deeds do we align ourselves.

Cruz’s strategy of winning second ballot votes seems squirmish, attempting an unrightful victory based on technicality—not only against the spirit of the rules, but the spirit of the country he alienates in the process. But, more importantly, by presuming a defeat on the first RNC ballot, he presumes defeat.

He has clearly stated that VP is no option for him. This, combined with his attempt to get late-game votes from his opponent’s delegates, has burned all bridges of having his name on the 2016 ballot. Had Cruz every intention to win, he would not have done that.

Cruz seems to have a loser complex much akin to that of Sunday morning culture: “Us four and no more—against the world.” It is as if he wakes up in the morning expecting to be hated, then schemes a way to rule a nation that hates his actions more every day.

He claims victory, then loses. He claims Christianity, yet deals his neighbor injury without repair. He says what focus groups tell him to, while claiming to be trusted.

Not only his boilerplate consultant establishment methods, but also Cruz’ presumption of losing as his career path, proves him to be the best personification of an establishment candidate our nation has seen thus far.

His epitaph should read, “Here lies Ted Cruz, king of all establishmentarians, and the place all liars go when they tell the same lies every liar tells.”

continue reading

Standard
Faux Report

600,000 People Show Up In Support of Donald Trump In Los Angeles

trump

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Donald Trump has scored the biggest and best turnout of any candidate in the history of the presidency, when over 600,000 people showed up in support of the Republican during a recent stop in Los Angeles, California.

Trump, who has long been leading the republican ticket and is more than likely going to receive his party’s nomination towards the general election, visited the state last week, at a rally that was only expected to have a turnout of around 18,000 people.

“Somewhere along the line, Trump supporters started coming together. We had people driving in from 3 or 4 states away, packing cars, and coming together. They just wanted to be here,” said Trump campaign manager Kyle Carson. “It brought tears to me eyes that so many people were here to listen to what Donald Trump had to say.”

The candidate says that he is not surprised, although is extremely overjoyed, that as many people showed as they did.

“My message is being heard loud and clear by the American people, and that message is that we want to make America great again,” said Trump. “They are slowly coming around, because they, too, want to be great. They miss the times when it was, and we are working to get it back.”

The previous record for a crowd of people gathering to hear a candidate was for President Obama in 2008, when he had 80,000 people show up for a speech in Chicago, Illinois.

Standard
Faux Report

Trump Buys Land On Mexican Border To Begin Constructing Wall

trump

NOGALEZ, Arizona – 

Presidential candidate Donald Trump has said that if he is elected president, he will force Mexico to build a wall between the countries to keep immigrants out, but apparently he is starting earlier than expected. According to land-purchase agreements, Trump has reportedly begun buying massive amounts of land throughout Texas and Arizona, with teams hired to begin building the wall – on his own dime.

“Mr. Trump hired my firm to begin building a wall out of hardened concrete, which he has specified will need to be at least 20 feet wide and at least 75 feet tall,” said Carl Groves, owner of Groves Construction and Concrete in Nogalez, Arizona. “He’s asked us not to disclose the amount he’s paying, but it is a fairly large figure, I will confirm that.”

So far, according to paperwork filed with the towns, Trump has purchased over 200,000 acres of bare farmland directly on the border of Mexico, and according to insiders in his campaign, he plans to purchase at least another million acres over the remainder of the year.

“Mr. Trump wants to get a jump start on this process, so that when he is elected, the wall is already being worked on to completion,” said Rebecca Heartwell, who works on the Trump campaign. “Although he was planning on making Mexico pay for it, he realized that having a significant portion worked on would help to entice both the US and Mexican governments to pick up the slack when he becomes Commander in Chief.”

Standard
Faux Report

Donald Trump Says That ‘Trannies Don’t Need To Use Public Bathrooms’

trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

After a wildly public debate about transgender bathroom laws breaking out all over the country, Donald Trump has apparently chimed in on the issue after hearing about a recent boycott of Target, who are allowing people to use whichever bathroom they choose based on how they self-identify.

“Trannies don’t need to use the bathroom in Target, in public, or anywhere other than their own home,” said Trump to a gaggle of supporters. “If a man wants to use the women’s bathroom, then whatever. I’ve had to run into the women’s room when the men’s was filled. What are you going to do? But some nasty halfie, some man in a dress, pretending to be a woman? That’s disgusting, and should definitely not be allowed.”

Naturally, the LGBTQ community reacted in outrage do Trump’s comments, despite it not being even slightly out of the ordinary that he would believe something like that. A new trending topic on Twitter, #BoycottTrump, replaced the previous #BoycottTarget within an hour.

Standard
Faux Report

7-11 Convenience Stores ‘Happy For Endorsement’ From Donald Trump

trump

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

During a recent speech, candidate Donald Trump made what his camp is referring to as a “slip of the tongue,” and referred to the tragedies on 9/11 as “7-11.” Although the mistake could have happened to anyone, that fact that it happened to someone as nefariously incompetent as Donald Trump made the internet go wild – especially 7/11 Stores.

“We are extremely happy that Mr. Trump is endorsing our stores,” said 7-11 spokesman Brian Jewel. “Although we really wish that it had been someone like Bernie Sanders, we are elated to be a part of the conversation. We would like to say, though, that we want everyone to know that we do not sponsor any one, particular candidate, but, that doesn’t mean that we won’t enjoy when a specific candidate promotes us.”

In response to Trump’s comment about the stores, the entire 7-11 chain is offering one free Slurpee to any customer who comments as “Trump sent me.”

Standard
Symphony

Cadence of Conflict: Asia, April 18, 2016

Historically, Socialism has been great until the State runs out of other people’s money. In the case of China, it will continue to be great until China’s banks run out of their own loans. China’s debt-driven “miracle” is a bubble expected to pop somewhere just over the horizon.

China doesn’t mean to burst Trump’s bubble, but when bubbles are bursting, the more the merrier. While the international spokesmen (AKA pundits and news writers) tell readers what they want the readers to know they should believe, China understands two things: 1. Trump’s ideas are unconventional, 2. US election rhetoric is usually “trumped” up. Economics will likely shift across the Pacific due to a plurality of causes. China says everything will remain more or less the same. So, everything remains more or less the same.

North Korea gears up for a fifth nuke test. The South sees it as more of a power move in lieu of Northern isolation. Russia and the US clashed sheathed sabres; China piped-in as was opportune. The Japanese had some of their own problems, though none them nuclear, which is more than can be said for Korea. Japan’s earthquake was the largest since 2011 and seemed to coincide with Ecuador’s broken record of 1900. This was definitely a week of shake-ups.

continue reading

Standard
Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, April 18, 2016

Drama and theatrics! Trump and friends complain about the Colorado results long after those results were foretold—August. Generally, Americans have only responded to problems after the fact, never when those problems clearly loomed on the horizon. Trump at Colorado was no exception. Either Trump is incompetent or only complaining after the inevitable results was a brilliant staging of theatrics.

Cruz’s theatrics took their own form this week. In a display that many still can’t digest, once dinner was served, Cruz gave a boilerplate speech for any occasion, after Trump and Kasich gave NY-specific speeches before dinner. His mic kept working at the event, but the live video switched to a house mic, making him difficult to hear. Later, more sound cut out. Yet, not even Cruz’s own campaign chairman pointed out what happened. “Some mic problems” was his dismissive concession when he should have objected. All the brilliant experts had the same false analysis—rather than reporting that the dinner plans and microphone disrupted Cruz, the as-if-choreographed coordinated-like response of the media is that Cruz was wilfully ignored by the dinner audience.

Again, Americans don’t complain at foresight, only in hindsight. Trump and Colorado’s rules, Cruz and dinner being served—everyone acts as if the obvious results were a total surprise. If truly surprised, these news pundits and personalities should resign to make room for better men than they. Conspiracy theories fly, but there is always more going on.

Consider the other conspiracy theory favorites: a staged 9/11 attack, the false Obama birth certificate… While reports of controlled demolition-style explosions and reported evidence of Thermite at Ground Zero seem convincing, the alleged pre-reporting of the second impact by Sky News and the trail of JPEG artifacts behind a plane in the video make it look more like the conspiracy was that a conspiracy be perceived. If Obama’s PDF birth certificate is valid evidence, then the IRS won’t need paper prints for tax audits anymore—unlikely as much as suspicious. But, the presence of PDF layers makes it seem as if someone at the White House wanted it to look like a fake. Once a conspiracy theory includes such obvious blunders, it is no longer valid. Either the alleged conspirators are totally incompetent—and therefore need not be so feared as theorists propose—or there was no conspiracy, only the appearance of one to serve as a rouse.

So, with Cruz and with Trump, such obvious games beg the question: What is everyone up to? Why did Cruz prepare a bland speech for an event where he wouldn’t be heard, where he was reported as being ignored as if he could be heard? Why did Trump act as if what everyone knew from August would happen in Colorado wouldn’t happen?

Consider Paul Ryan: Cruz worked to oust John Boehner. Former VP nominee Paul Ryan “didn’t want” to be Speaker, but is anyway. Now, Boehner recommends Ryan, who “doesn’t want” to be President… and the only reason people are talking about it is because Cruz won’t quit when he’s losing.

The only sure conclusion thus far is: Trump is a master at winning by losing while Cruz continues to be a master at winning by losing while pretending to try to win. That qualifies Trump amongst the most brilliant Commanders in Chief, right up there with wartime presidents W and FDR, who also roused the nation to war after their respective foreseeable attacks. As for Cruz, he is perfect to stay in the Senate. It seems that’s what he wants, whether as Ryan’s VP or as a Senator who continues to help Ryan by losing more battles during a Trump administration.

continue reading

Standard