Tag Archives: transgender

Faux Report

Teenager Arrested and Expelled After Pretending To Be Transgender So He Can Use Girls’ Showers

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HORNWOOD, South Carolina – 

A student at a high school in South Carolina has been arrested and expelled from school after it was discovered that he was not, as purported, a transgender student, but was in fact just trying to sneak into the girls’ showers so he can see them naked.

As reported by World News Daily Report:

Soccamee high school officials were alarmed by the student’s indecent behavior after several students and parents lodged complaints and reported the “immoral behavior” to school administrators.

The transgender male student was recently allowed by school officials to use all female washrooms, including having access to the girl’s locker room, after he had asked to be treated as a biological female.

The transgender male student also allegedly bragged about how the school would let him take showers with the girls just because he “wore a wig” and “painted his nails” according to several students.

The student, who has not been named, was arrested after it was stated that he inappropriately touched several of the girls while in the shower, and even was found masturbating while the girls were changing.

“He always had this huge erection while we were in the shower, I never understood why the school allowed a boy to be in the girls’ shower with us,” one female student told local reporters. “And I do mean huge. It kind of made me wish that he wasn’t a she, or…whatever. I just wanted him to ask for my number. I’ve gone black, but I’d definitely go back for that.”

The student was expelled from the school, and arrested on charges of lewd conduct and sexual battery.

 

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Faux Report

Cailtlyn Jenner Says She Is ‘Bored’ Being a Woman, Plans On Transitioning Back to Being ‘Bruce’

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

The world’s most famous transgender person, and total obnoxious asshole Caitlyn Jenner, says that she has become “completely bored” being a woman, and thinks it’s time that she transitions back to a men, and goes back to being just “plain old Bruce.”

“Being a girl is fun for a bit. I have some bitchin’ tits, and yeah, I got rid of my penis, but I miss it. We were together a long time,” says Jenner. “I think I’d like to have it back. I walk through my house, and I see myself on the hundreds of Wheaties boxes I collected, and I like the way I looked then. It’s time for another change.”

Jenner says that the plan is to return to manhood after she has the nude photos done for Playboy.

“No matter what anyone says, I’m baring it all for the nude spread,” said Jenner. “That shoot is going to make me a fortune. Everyone is going to want to see that – even those bigots who say they’re disgusted by it. You know they’re going to sneak a spank to it. I’m very excited.”

After Jenner transitions back, she says she wants everything to just “return to normal.”

“I’m honestly kind of sick of being in the public eye, being on TV, being a public icon and an American hero multiple times over,” said Jenner. “It’s going to be nice to just be Bruce again.”

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Faux Report

President Trump Admits Reason He Banned Transgenders From Serving Is Because He Has Begun Transitioning To a Woman

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

President Donald Trump has admitted that the real reason he banned transgenders in the military is because he has begun his transition into a woman, and said he was “scared” he might have to serve in the military.

“I already dodged the draft, made my way through life without ever having to serve in the military, so there was no way I was going to ever have to deal with possibly engaging in real combat,” said President Trump. “It worked out that I was planning on becoming a woman, as I’ve known for some time that I was not comfortable as a man. I mean, I’m not a faggy peter-puffer or anything. I still love grabbing women by the pussy. I just like to tuck it back and throw on a nice dress.”

When he was informed that he is well past the age of being drafted in the likely case that he leads the country into war, Trump was noticeably embarrassed.

“Nobody tells me anything about how this stuff actually works,” said our Commander-in-Chief. “Either way, I cannot wait for everyone to meet the new Donald. I think I’m going to go with the name Donna.”

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Faux Report

Michelle Obama Reveals SHOCKING Secret: ‘I Was Born a Man!’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Michelle Obama has just revealed a shocking secret – one that the far-right has been hounding her about for years, but in fact, turns out to be true. Michelle Obama is transgender, and was actually born as a male.

“I was born Michael LaVaughn Robinson, and changed my name to Michelle when I was only 12-years-old,” said Obama. “I knew that it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t a boy. I never cared about doing boy things. I just wanted to be a princess, I wanted to ride ponies. When I was a teen, I realized I also liked boys. It was really a confusing, difficult time, but my parents were very supportive.”

Obama says she underwent surgery in her late 20s to begin converting to a woman, and the entire process was completed when she was in her early 30s, right before she met Barack.

“He has known from the beginning, of course,” said Obama. “I never shied away from my past, and there was no way I was going to get into a relationship with someone starting with a lie. So yes, he’s always been aware that I used to be a man.”

Michelle said that their children were not adopted, but they obviously used a surrogate, with Barack providing the sperm.

“They are biologically his children, for sure,” said Obama. “I am not going to disclose who the mother is, because it doesn’t matter. I am their mother. They know everything, and they don’t care. They see me as their mom, and always will, because that’s who I am – I’m mom.”

 

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Faux Report

Woman Says She Got Pregnant After Sitting On Target Store Bathroom Toilet

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JACKMAN, Mississippi – 

Roberta Jones, 33, says that she got pregnant a few weeks ago after visiting a local Target store and using their bathroom.

“I saw a man coming out as I was going in, but I didn’t think nothing of it,” said Jones, a cashier at a grocery store. “I thought he musta walked in there by mistake. It’s happened to us all at one point or another. But then when I used the bathroom, I did notice that there was something sticky and nasty on the seat when I sat down. I knew I shoulda hovered.”

Jones says that a few weeks later, she took a home pregnancy test, and it confirmed that she was carrying a baby.

“I haven’t had sex in over a year, and when I thought back about it, I knew it had to be that toilet. I think that man done jerked himself off in there, like a creeper, and left his little babies all over the seat,” said Jones. “Some of ’em must have flowed up in me when I was peeing. It’s nasty. But God says I can’t abort the baby, so here I go again.”

Police say they are working with the Target store security team to review footage and locate the now-expectant father.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 30, 2016

Trump, Trump, Trump. It’s the new onomatopoeia for motorcycles and politics. But there is also other news, believe it or not. US flag sales are up, helping the Chinese manufacturing industry. It’s a start at patriotism, anyway. Soon enough, Americans will learn that being patriotic means keeping jobs in the country, which means not complaining about prices so much.

You read it here first, Trump going head-to-head against the Clinton’s will show an unseen game and tip the polls. There is a lot from the Clinton years that Trump will go after as no RINO has, making the anit-Clinton crowd not only stronger, but much, much larger. Prediction fulfilled this week.

Then, there’s bathrooms. Texas and a few others filed a lawsuit against the idea that gender identity choice was intended to be part of the Civil Rights law governing the bodies we are born with. They filed in a Conservative-friendly court. The DC circuit has been inclined to hear Conservative-Texan cases, which means that SCOTUS could hear the case—which means that SCOTUS could tie the case and bump it back to a lower Conservative ruling if a new Conservative justice isn’t appointed first.

In the unlikely event that the Congressional RINOs capitulate as their broken promises show, Trump would become the last Republican to be elected as a President before a third party replaces the GOP. Though typical, it would be unlikely this time because the scenario is all too obvious to the party. And it should be obvious to Obama.

He should have known that his transgender executive orders would be met with unbeatable opposition. So, what’s his end game? Is he merely trying to stir discussion—that’s all he’ll end up accomplishing, unless he knows something the public doesn’t. As Limbaugh has pointed out, simple one-person bathrooms would solve the entire problem—and refusing that option shows that solving the problem is not anyone’s goal. The public has yet to discuss any connection to the conspiracy theories surrounding Michelle Obama. Those conspiracy theories seem more plausible in lieu of Barack’s policies as Barack’s policies would have a clear motive if the conspiracy theories were true. While no one in the mainstream press has suggested the connection, the sharks and ravens are already circling, the sun is setting on the Obama policy season, and revival has already dawned.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, May 23, 2016

Trees of our national parks, apparently, are a reminder of racism. Though the first National Park, Jellystone, was instituted over a decade after slavery ended, the trees in national parks are offensive. Nonetheless, no effort has been made to either cut down the trees or shut down the National Parks where the offending trees grow.

A poll has confirmed the obvious: The name “Redskins” does not offend Redskins. If the name of the DC baseball team, “the Washington Redskins” were to be made less offensive, it should drop the truly offensive word, just being called “the Redskins”.

A Muslim group has executed 25 people by lowering them into a vat of nitric acid. While it sounds like a high school science experiment gone bad, we should look on the bright side: At least there were no reports of referring to anyone as a “Redskin”, no trees migrated from US National Parks, and certainly no reports of telling people which bathrooms they should use.

The homosexual pastor confessed to fabricating the writing on the cake. This brings up many other issues. After his very convincing emotional performance, he gave everyone outside the Transgender-Homosexual Rights movement permission to suspect and disbelieve anyone who claims to be offended. But there is an even bigger problem: Heterosexual parents already recognize those kinds of emotional outbursts as phony—because their own children perform with those phony emotional outbursts all the time. Homosexuals don’t have biologically natural children by definition. Accordingly, very few of them would know how to recognize that “gay” (though unhappy) lying pastor looks like just another whining child who didn’t grow up and is willing to tell any fib and shed any amount of phony tears to get his way. He and those like him don’t have the personal life experience to know how obvious their phony performance is to the rest of us.

To quote Laura Ingraham on Congress’ response to the 2005 “build a fence” complaints from the public, “Perhaps they fell in love with their own rhetoric and forgot how it sounds to everyone else.”

Why would anyone lie about an injury? He raised questions about whether his cause is legitimate in the first place. And, now, that “crying, sobbing, ‘bloody-murder'” trump card can’t ever be played again. Whenever people that performance, they will be reminded of “the birthday cake”. By lying about an offense, he gave more power to his opposition than he knows.

At this rate, how can revival not return to America!?

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Faux Report

Target To Add ‘Gender Fluid’ Bathrooms To All Stores

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CARSON, Georgia –

Target has announced that they plan to add a gender-fluid bathroom to every store in the United States, after a boycott cost the company over $14 million in sales in only a week’s time. The company says that making it public that they allowed transgender people to use whatever bathroom they were most comfortable with while shopping in Target stores caused an outrage, and a new change had to be made.

“Despite the fact that there has never, ever been a law about who can use what bathroom when out in public, we thought were were doing the right thing when we announced that we wanted every shopper to use the bathroom the identified with. Boy, were we wrong,” said Target spokesman George Michaels. “You see, a man can go into a ladies room if he wants, or vice-versa. There is literally no law anywhere in the country that says that they can’t. It’s societal norms that dictate this stuff, not laws. We just wanted to make a point, and we lost millions because of it.”

As such, the company says they will now be adding “gender fluid” or “gender neutral” bathrooms to all stores, so that a person – no matter how they identify – can use the bathroom in piece. All the bathrooms will be single-use only, allowing only one person in at a time.

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Says That ‘Trannies Don’t Need To Use Public Bathrooms’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

After a wildly public debate about transgender bathroom laws breaking out all over the country, Donald Trump has apparently chimed in on the issue after hearing about a recent boycott of Target, who are allowing people to use whichever bathroom they choose based on how they self-identify.

“Trannies don’t need to use the bathroom in Target, in public, or anywhere other than their own home,” said Trump to a gaggle of supporters. “If a man wants to use the women’s bathroom, then whatever. I’ve had to run into the women’s room when the men’s was filled. What are you going to do? But some nasty halfie, some man in a dress, pretending to be a woman? That’s disgusting, and should definitely not be allowed.”

Naturally, the LGBTQ community reacted in outrage do Trump’s comments, despite it not being even slightly out of the ordinary that he would believe something like that. A new trending topic on Twitter, #BoycottTrump, replaced the previous #BoycottTarget within an hour.

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Faux Report

Transgender People Not Allowed To Use Any Public Restroom In Georgia Thanks To New Laws

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ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Following a very divisive ruling in North Carolina that makes it so that a person’s birth gender is the one they must identify with when using public restrooms, Georgia has created their own new laws, which make it so that people who are transgender are not allowed to use public restrooms at all.

“Trannies are nasty, and we don’t want them to use either bathroom when they are in public,” said Georgia state senator Luke Davidson. “If you are a tranny, you must use your own bathroom, or a bathroom in another private establishment. In public, you are not allowed to use a bathroom, because we don’t trust you not to molest our kids or rape someone.”

Davidson says that the North Carolina ruling made it “very easy” for Georgia to create their own laws, and that it is a major step in the right direction, but transgender people in the state say that the law is too discriminatory.

“I have no desire to molest your children, and I am definitely not a rapist,” said transgender man Ricky Law. “I just have to take a shit sometimes, like anyone else, and I need a bathroom to do it. This law is outrageous, and there are a lot of us that will fight it all the way to the damn White House if we have to.”

“I don’t care what some nasty dickless man says, it’s not right for someone to use a bathroom if they can’t even decide what sex they are,” said Davidson. “Obviously everyone within the state agrees, or we never would have gotten these laws to pass. Sorry trannies, just stop being weird, and you can start going again like the rest of us.”

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