Faux Report

Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston

BOSTON, MA

Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday.

Last week, conservative dickbag Rush Limbaugh announced he had late-stage lung cancer, and liberals across the country let out a massive cheer. In Boston, a public celebration took place during the afternoon on Friday, with an estimated 35,000 people in attendance outside of Fenway Park.

“When I heard that Rush was going to die, I couldn’t wait to celebrate,” said Rick Baker, 39, of Boston. “If there were ever a more worthless, piece of shit, talking head on radio and TV, I don’t know who it is. I heard about the party on the radio Friday morning, called out of work, and headed down to the park  to party.”

Boston Police Department say that the gathering was not authorized, but they caught wind of the party on social media, and were able to send a “significant number of police officers” to the area to keep things under control.

“We were able to keep things really under control under the conservative protestors showed up,” said Boston Police Chief Frank R. Green. “The people who were there to enjoy the celebration were great. Unfortunately, some Rush supporters spoiled the fun. In the end, we arrested multiple people and our police forces had to, sadly, beat down many protestors who did not listen to directions to vacate the area.”

Green said that none of the “Rushers” had life-threatening injuries, and that most would be out of the  hospital within a few days.

“Next time, perhaps these people will listen,” said Green. “If a group of people want to celebrate the inevitable death of a world class piece of shit, we will support that. If you want to get in the way of that, we will ensure that you’re dealt with accordingly.”

Rush Limbaugh, who for some stupid reason received the Presidential Medal of Freedom last week, ensuring that it is now 100% meaningless, could not be reached for comment.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, July 3, 2017

Since when was WWE considered violence? Perhaps CNN has rightly earned the slur “Fraud News” AKA “FNN” since the scripted, choreographed events from “World Wrestling” TV programming are now taken as legitimate “violence”. The Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press condemned Trump’s “violence”, but not WWE’s.

So, this is our world today, where “World Wrestling” is for real. WWE, renamed from WWF, is taken seriously by by the RCFP, and CNN is renamed FNN by the POTUS. How dare he! Someone call the Rock and get revenge!

Ironically, the mod video Trump Tweeted is from Trump himself pretending to beat up his billionaire buddy, WWE Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon, in a head-shave dare. In the match on WrestleMania, the official wrestlers beat up the referees as the two referees beat up each other; Trump won the dare and the WWE Chairman got his head shaved by one of the wrestlers and, of course, Donald Trump. They even used shaving cream and “Bic-ed it“.

Holman Jenkins, Jr. and Rush Limbaugh weighed in on Russianewsgategate this week. The developing theory thus far is that the Russians made a rouse by rousing that there was a rouse; accordingly and as if on cue, the at-the-time internationally viewed-as-pansy White House, along with at-the-time and on-record tech illiterate FBI Director Comey, took the bait and ran to “-itch slap” the Russians. So, that was the “Russian hack”—a rumor made by the Russians that there was a Russian hack made paranoid powers self-destruct. As Staples™ said, “That was easy.”

The “rouse rouse” tactic was also employed by Talleyrand and Fouché to bring down the paranoid French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. They simply started a rumor that they were plotting against the emperor and that was all there was to it. Napoleon freaked-out and did himself in, just as did the previous White House administration, with a little “encouragement” from the Russians and WWE Hall of Fame Superstar Donald J. Trump.

Believe it, many people take WWE videos seriously. This week, the press joined those “serious” WWE fans and took Trump’s video seriously. Since CNN and WWE are now considered equally “serious”, we ought consider Special Prosecutor Former FBI Director Robert Mueller as the referee who took over and then got his lights knocked out in the ring after the other referee, Former FBI Director James Comey, got his lights knocked out in the ring in a replay match, only this time, CNN gets its head shaved. And, just as before, Trump is piling on the shaving cream.

Now, serious questions remain about the appointment of a special prosecutor. It was a rouse rouse. What’s the point? So the developing theory goes, the only purpose of a special prosecutor is to help Russianewsgategate cover its WWE-sized fanny. While Limbaugh and Jenkins theorize that Mueller will come up with his own version of a “magic bullet theory” so that the imploding Washington establishment can evacuate the building they set afire, that won’t be all, folks; expect more.

Mark these words: A lieutenant/deputy -sized head will roll and that head will be just as innocent as it is painted, bribed, and blackmailed to look guilty, all to save the cause. That’s how the choreography works, after all. Believe it, many people will believe it.

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