FULTON, New York – 

Kristen Johnson, 27, was ordered to surrender her nursing license today after getting caught taking pictures of an unconscious patient’s penis with her iPhone, and sending the pictures to co-workers. The Fulton-area nurse apparently was in awe of the man’s member, and felt the need to take some “dick pics.”

The patient, whose identity remains anonymous, did make a public statement to the press, in that he was “completely okay” with the incident, and doesn’t really think that Johnson did anything wrong.

“I’m huge, and I know it, and that’s totally fine,” said the anonymous man, whose only identifying feature is that he is ‘over 10 inches.’ “Besides, now that I’ve seen the nurse who took the picture, I’m not too worried about it. She’s young and hot. They could let her off with a slap on the wrist – or on the ass, even – and it would all be good.”

A judge ordered that Johnson was “morally unfit” to continue her profession, and she was ordered to turn in her nursing license, and is no longer allowed to practice in her field within the state.

“Frankly, I’m kind of turned on by the whole thing,” said the patient. “I mean honestly. If the situation were reversed, and I was a hot girl who had her picture taken by a male nurse, they’d be stringing him up by his balls right now, and he’d be in jail. This is such a double standard. Either lock her up for invading privacy, or don’t, and call it a day. Either way, she should call me. I’m single and just coming out of a coma.”