Tag Archives: rapper

Faux Report

Eminem To Record Album Of Country Song Covers

Eminem Gives One Million Dollars To Homeless Man

DETROIT, Michigan

Marshall Mathers, best known by his stage name Eminem, has said that his next album will be entirely compromised of cover songs, with all of them being songs straight out of Nashville.

“I’m one of the biggest selling artists of all time, and the top selling rapper, but there are a lot of other musical genres out there that I haven’t stuck my feet into,” said Eminem. “Country is the most popular music there is. It outsells rap or rock 10 to 1. So it’s time I got in on that action, and my next album will be very country.”

Originally when it was announced, fans and reporters assumed that the album would be rap covers of country songs, but as news has spread, Eminem has clarified that the album would not be rap at all, it would be straight-up country music.

“I don’t know how to write country lyrics, because I haven’t often fucked my sister or sat in the back of a pick-up truck drinking from a red cup, but I know what loss feels like, and I know what it means to be poor white trash, so that’s why I’m going country,” said Eminem. “These will be covers of other popular country songs, and they will be amazing. You’ll see.”

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Faux Report

Actress Stacy Dash of ‘Clueless’ Fame Accused of ‘Turning Against Race’

stacy dash

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Actress Stacey Dash’s recent controversial remarks have made many say she has “turned against her race.” Dash recently denounced BET network and Black History Month, saying these institutions segregate instead of integrate, and criticized double standards that benefit black people.

Rapper Bun B made remarks on his Instagram accusing Dash of hating her black skin and heritage. He says Dash is “as whack as those white kids who couldn’t spell nigga right in their school photo.”

African-Americans who were surveyed said BET and Black History month are here to stay. “We fought for double standards like affirmative action and the BET awards. They’ll pry take Black History Month from my cold dead hands,” said Bun B.

Others say, “Wasn’t that the actress from Clueless? How is what she has to say even relevant? And who the fuck is Bun B?”

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Faux Report

Ice-T Trademarks Name, Sues Snapple and Arizona Over Infringement

icet

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

Rapper and actor Ice-T has reportedly trademarked his moniker with the intention of suing major companies who infringe upon the mark with their products. Ice-T, whose real name is Tracy Marrow, says that he has been referring to himself after the tasty summer beverage longer than many companies have been selling the drink.

“Ice-T, Ice Tea, Iced Tea – it doesn’t matter what you call it or how you spell it, the name is the same, and these companies are infringing on my mark,” said the entertainer, who is perhaps best known for his song “Cop Killer” and for playing a police detective on TV on Law and Order: SVU. “I don’t really need the money, but I also don’t want companies shilling a product that I haven’t put my stamp on. Frankly, I don’t like iced tea that much, and I’d rather them call it something else.”

T has reportedly met with lawyers for companies such as Snapple and Arizona in hopes that a settlement can be reached without going to court.

“I don’t want these companies to go out of business or anything, I just want them to change the name of the product to something else, and let me be the only T, or tea, that’s around,” said Ice-T. “I’ve made a few suggestions, such as ‘sugary shit’ and ‘lemony liquid’ that they could go by, either of which I think would easily catch on with people who like to drink that stuff.”

Representatives for Snapple could not be reached for comment.

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