Faux Report

No Crimes Reported Anywhere In U.S. During Presidential Debate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

For the first time in almost all of recorded history, there was absolutely no crime reported anywhere in the United States throughout the hour and a half of the first Presidential debate.

According to statistics from the Bureau of Violent Crime and Police Activity, there were no crimes called into any police department anywhere in the country during the time of the first debates between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, which is an astounding statistic that experts say may never happen again.

“Over 475 million people were at home, watching the debates live on TV or on social media,” said Bureau head Fred Kahn. “During the entire hour and a half – in which there were no commercials or breaks – we found that there were no crimes committed. I’ve been running this bureau for the better part of 20 years, and I’ve never seen it. At no point in our records has something like this ever happened. It’s an anomaly.”

Kahn says that he thinks that people were just too engrossed in the debate to bother committing and crimes.

“It doesn’t matter who it is – black, white, yellow, purple. People of all races, of all types, of all kinds…they came together during this time, and they decided to stop killing and raping and stealing from each other, and they just watched that dumpster fire of a debate. Together. It’s simultaneously the most and least American thing I’ve ever seen.”

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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Cruz: Idaho, Kansas, Maine

Trump: Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Hawaii, Louisiana

Sanders: Michigan, Kansas, Maine, Nebraska

Fox Election

CNN Election

Iran tests missile, threats walk-out (Free Beacon)

Dump Trump tech-GOP meet—Apple, Facebook, Google, Tesla… Rove, Mitch, Kristol… (The Wrap)

Detroit mayor cheers Bernie, booted (The DC)

Video: Unlock any iPhone (Facebook)

…Warning: Requires old people to listen to a kid!

Video: Mom angry at Atheist son’s announcement (Facebook)

Tailspin: United’s Quest to Be Less Awful | Bloomberg  · · · →

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, February 29, 2016

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. If Trump doesn’t secure 51% of RNC delegates, and if we therefore have a brokered convention—where delegates are not bound to their votes—the establishment will turn on Trump and he will go third party. That might push Sanders to do the same thing. Then we have four main candidates for presiden—making us more like Israel in their elections.

All these donors who gave big money to people like Jeb are going to have to rethink future donations.

You read it here first: People like Trump because of what Jesus called the Kingdom of Heaven as a “kingdom of violence and the violent take by force”. Vox tries to understand it by labelling it “authoritarianism”.

Cruz and Rubio are self-destructing—Cruz like a churchboy who only knows how to be slimy in a fight, Rubio like one of the cool kids who only knows to laugh at his opponent when he’s getting his butt kicked for the first time.

The FBI, having reportedly told the county authorities to reset the iPhone’s ID, destroyed whatever way Apple had to help—including everything the FBI is asking for now. If the FBI’s incompetence is disproven, that could pave the way for a case involving obstruction of justice and destruction of evidence. But, there are many more details we don’t know. Kasich was right, this should not be discussed in public.

There is a geek factor over which Limbaugh disagreed with all RNC candidates, even Trump, on Apple, with a footnote on Kasich. So it seems, neither the candidates nor the FBI understand how much the FBI messed up and the coding abomination of desolation the FBI is asking Apple to make. Getting all the info would have been super easy had the FBI followed instructions. Then, there were extra options at the FBI’s disposal because the phone was a government phone, already providing back doors to the government that didn’t even require a warrant. But, the FBI messed up so badly that Apple would have to redirect resources to a special team to create the ultimate weapon—making Apple and the FBI a hacking target of every government and crime organization. Spare Kasich, the candidates and the FBI all come across like an adult who doesn’t know how to use a mouse. They also seem inept in business terms over the fact that no terrorist would by an “FBiPhone”. And, as Kasich mentioned, this should not be in the public eye. Now, either way, terrorists will know which phones are more and less secure. Apple’s mistake is talking only about customers, without much mention that Apple customers include governments. While the FBI lectures too much and listens to little, Apple doesn’t know enough of its own customers well enough.

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February 23, 2016

Trump calls Apple boycott over FBI (Time)

Video: Biden argued against SCOTUS nomination in 1992 (Examiner)

Video: Trump would prosecute Hillary (Examiner)

The Sanders dilemma (NY Times)

FBI makes a big deal about how it’s ‘no big deal’ (Market Watch)

FBI letter lectures Apple, but FBI can’t do it themselves (Lawfare)

FBI v Apple (Quartz)

Video: Carson meets with Cruz (Cavuto – Fox)

Forensics pathologist: Scalia could have been poisoned, but natural is the plausible explanation (NY Post)

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Faux Report

Serial Killer Leaves Saltine Crackers On White-Only Victims; Dubbed ‘Cracka-Killer’

police

BOSTON, Massachusetts –

The FBI is offering a reward for information leading to identification of the “Cracka-Killer,” who has nine confirmed kills, all of whom were strangled and found with a single saltine cracker placed over each eye. The Cracka-Killer is assumed to be an unmarried black man, age 28-40, who feels “wronged by the white man.” His victims have all been white men and women above age thirty, and were residents of Massachusetts and New York State.

According to John Douglas, a former chief of FBI’s serial crime unit, there are conservatively between 35 and 50 active serial killers on the loose in the US at any given time. Most do not leave such an obvious calling card.

As many tips are expected to flood in, the FBI reminds the public not to call in to report every gang member or man of color buying crackers.

Resident Jay-Rod Brown is offended that they assume it’s a black man. “It’s actually racist to assume the killer is a black man. Maybe he isn’t calling them ‘crackas,’ maybe his momma didn’t give him enough soup as a child. You never know what’s in a psycho’s mind. Or it’s some old cracka who wants to put the suspicion on someone else. That’s my theory.”

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December 2, 2015

Soros group banned from Russia over national security (RT)

Inside politics: Strike force, Obama, Dems, House, Pentagon, Syria, Russia, talk of nuclear threat (NR)

Record: 185K gun sales on Black Friday (USA Today)

SCOTUS to rule on Obamnesty earlier than usual: 2016 will see “United States v. Texas, 15-674” (Bloomberg)

FBI a joker in the Clinton deck (Hill)

Hillarymail: 2016 tabs at State Dept. (POLITICO)

Talk Smart: 11 Words and Phrases Successful People Refuse to Say (Inc)  · · · →

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