Category Archives: Faux Report

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Faux Report

Florida High School Shut Down After Zika Outbreak Infects Hundreds

MIAMI, Florida – 

In the most intense infection of any recent epidemic, a Miami high school has had to shut its doors after a student who was infected with Zika spread the virus to over 100 students.

“It’s crazy how fast it happened, and there wasn’t anything anyone could do,” said Principal Jack Miller. “The student didn’t know he was infected. Apparently he got it from his family’s illegal maid. Once he came in sick, the place was destroyed faster than Europe during the plague.”

The local Miami chapter of the CDC was called in last Monday to evacuate and quarantine the building. All the students are being forced to stay home for their own safety. Of the 107 confirmed cases of the infection, 32 of the kids and teens were hospitalized. So far, none of the teachers or staff have shown any signs of infection.

The school says they may not be able to open for several months, and that many of the students will have to repeat the school year.

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Faux Report

George Zimmerman To Open Private Security Firm in Florida

MIAMI, Florida – 

George Zimmerman, the man who was found not guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin in a neighborhood shooting in February of 2012, is making waves in a small suburb of Miami, after it was announced that he had applied for, and been given, a security permit by the town and state.

According to public records, Zimmerman is planning to open a private security firm called Zimm’s Security, and has currently hired one person. The location for the business is registered at 433 Ocean Avenue in Miami, which was, until recently, a Wendy’s restaurant.

When we reached out to Zimmerman for comment, he seemed very excited about his new venture, and hoped that people would forget his past – but not completely.

“I want people to forget the hatred that was developed for me, especially by the blacks and all that,” said Zimmerman. “But I also want them to remember. I want them to remember that I stopped a vicious hoodlum from doing any harm, and I was acquitted, so there were obviously no crimes committed. I am going to take what I learned during that process, and apply it to this business.”

Currently, Zimmerman reports that his company has secured multiple contracts, and he plans to hire on at least 10 more employees by year’s end.

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Faux Report

Government To Increase Hunting Law Age To 21

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In an effort to curb the use of guns by minors and children, the government has decided to increase the legal hunting age for all animals to 21 beginning in 2017. The change, they hope, will keep guns out of hands of younger and younger kids who are “getting a feel” for weaponry too early.

“After shootings at multiple schools, including a recent one where a teenager shot and killed students at an elementary school, this change in the law was a no-brainer,” said Mark Scott, a Republican Senator. “We hope to keep guns out of the hands of young children, in hopes that as they grow up, they will be less inclined to have anything to do with high-powered weaponry.”

Currently, the lowest age allowed for hunting anywhere in the United States is 8-years-old in states like New Hampshire and Maine, where children can use rifles and bows for hunting. Sidearms and pistols are already regulated to those 21 and older.

“This law will help to curb gun violence perpetrated by children. If they’re not exposed to guns, they’ll be less prone to violence and killing, and that can save lives.”

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Faux Report

Clinton Received Debate Questions In Advance, Says Source

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

According to a source inside the Clinton campaign, not only was Hillary being prompted on the best answers to give, live during the debate via secret ear piece, but that an anonymous staffer at CNN had actually leaked the questions to her in advance.

“It was supposed to be a secret, and no one except Holt was supposed to know the questions in advance,” said the anonymous source. “That’s not even close to true. The case is, Holt had worked with other members of the CNN news team to create the questions. They were actually leaked to us at the Clinton campaign, and not only did we use the information, we actually changed some of the questions.”

The member of Clinton’s campaign said that although the debate was supposed to be on a “level playing field,” they couldn’t take any chances.

“It’s true that we’d been practicing the debates, at night, to make sure that Hillary’s health could sustain the rigorous time constraints, but we had to make sure that we had a leg-up. Why do you think all of her answers were so perfect, so concise – as if she knew what was coming. She’s failing, and it’s happening fast. Her constituents are going in record numbers. We needed to make sure Trump looked like the fool we all know he is.”

No one from Hillary Clinton’s campaign would give an official, on-the-record statement.

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Faux Report

Woman With Concealed Carry Permit Kills Would-Be Robbers, Saves Multiple Lives

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VIRGINIA – 

A woman in Virginia is being hailed as a local hero after she was able to shoot and kill 3 would-be robbers at a department store in her hometown.

Liza Horris, 36, has had her concealed carry permit for more than a decade, and says she “never goes anywhere” without a weapon.

“In all my years of having and firing guns, I’ve never had to shoot at another person,” said Horris. “I hoped that I never would. But, the reason I carry is to protect myself and others, and that’s just what I had to do.”

According to police reports, Horris was shopping at a local department store when three intruders entered the store, and demanded that people “get on the ground.”

“They were waiving around their guns, and I had no idea if they planned to use them – frankly, I didn’t even think. I just reacted,” said Horris.

Police say that Horris, who is an expert marksman, fired only 3 shots, and killed all 3 of the intruders instantly. There are no charges being filed. Horris’ weapon was confiscated at the scene, and returned to her a few days later.

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Faux Report

Facebook Announces Ban On All Religious Posts, Images

SANTA BARBARA, California – 

Mark Zuckerberg announced this morning during a public forum that Facebook, the world’s number-one most trafficked website, would be soon putting a block on all religious-themed material, including posts, videos, images, and more.

“We are working diligently to keep Facebook a trigger-free zone,” said Zuckerberg. “We’re starting with religion, because as everyone knows, that is the cause of all the world’s problems. After we square that away, we will start removing posts about other triggers, such as feminism, rape, workplace issues, college, bad music, bad TV, bad movies, and so on.”

Zuckerberg says that his plan is to make a website that is so stale and boring, that its users are forced to enjoy it, in what he calls “twisted logic.”

“You see, when a user comes to the site now, they are usually angry. They come to make posts about their bad day, the horrible TV show episode from last night, the new movie trailer they can’t stand,” said Zuckerberg. “We will be taking all of that away. It will be the world’s safe space.”

 

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Faux Report

Samsung Develops New TV Set That Will Literally Babysit Your Children

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JAPAN – 

Samsung International has announced a new television set that they plan to release sometime in the first quarter of 2017, and they say it is “revolutionary” in its abilities.

“For years, parents have used the television as a babysitter for their children,” said Samsung developer of Product Toshiro Hokinama. “Whether they were too lazy, too tired, or too interested in where to get their next fix, parents have been plopping their annoying children in front of the screen since the 50s. Now, we’ve taken the idea of a TV as a babysitter and shot it into the 21st century.”

Hokinama went on to explain that the TV would be fixed with cameras in the front and sides, and would allow parents to monitor their children from mobile devices anywhere they could get WiFi of 4G connections. Going a step further, though, was the televisions ability to interact with the children themselves.

“The TV will talk to your child. It will ask him or her what they want to watch. It will show them colors and shapes and beautiful images whenever an actual program is not airing,” said Hokinama. “It will also be able to sternly discipline your children when they are not listening or if they start to wander off. We are considering developing robotic arms for higher-end models that would actually be able to deliver a swift slap to the bum of your child, if it’s needed.”

 

 

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Faux Report

CONFIRMED: Hillary Wore Secret Ear-Piece During Debate

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NEW YORK – 

It has now been confirmed by an anonymous staffer on the Clinton campaign, that Hillary broke debate rules by wearing a secret ear-piece so that she could be fed information on the fly.

“Because of her failing health, we were extremely worried about the answers she might give, or that she would get confused about the questions,” said the staffer. “Yes, the internet is right – she is, of course, wearing a mic pack under her jacket, as was Trump. But tied into that, we also were able to wire in a thin, flesh-colored ear piece so that we could feed her the answers.”

According to the staffer, whose story has been confirmed by at least 3 other members of the Clinton campaign, Hillary hired a team of more than 20 people to sit at a remote location just about a mile away from the debates, where they were watching both via cable and live feed, and could prompt her with responses as needed, as well as pull up information “in which to bash the hell out of Trump.”

So far, the Hillary camp has not commented on the ear-piece, or given any response to the internet firestorm.

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Faux Report

‘Dance of the Pope’ Computer Virus Running Rampant, Ruins NASDAQ Computers

Pope Reveals Catholic Religion Is 'Hoax That Got Out of Hand'

NEW YORK CITY – 

A new computer virus has been running rampant across the United States and Canada, and is slowly creeping its way across most of the Western World. The ‘Dance of the Pope Virus,’ so called because of a wacky GIF image of the Pope dancing in all the infected emails that are opened, has infected more than 2 million computers worldwide. This morning, it took down 1507 computers on the NASDAQ trading floor.

“One employee opened it, because he’s an idiot, and he didn’t read the email our security team sent out with the warning about the virus, and now we’re all screwed,” said Mario Lewis, a trading agent. “I can’t buy, I can’t sell. I have no idea what’s going on. The market is headed for a big crash if we don’t get these computers up by tomorrow.”

According to security experts, the virus shows up as an email inviting the user to “view a hilarious video of the Pope!” and then proceeds to slowly erase tiny bits of information from the computer after it’s opened.

“This is going to cause nightmares for everyone. If some idiot at the Pentagon opens this on a defense computer, the world could very well end today,” said Lewis.

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Faux Report

Snopes.com EXPOSED! You Won’t BELIEVE Their Hidden Agenda!

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ATLANTA –

Snopes.com, which has long been one of the internet’s go-to websites for fact checking about far-fetched or incredible stories, was exposed by a group of Anonymous hackers who were able to break into the website’s files, and steal pertinent information about their secret agenda.

“As it turns out, the creators of Snopes are actual Reptilians, who are using their long-running website to spread misinformation and push their secret, hidden, commercial and business agendas,” said a posting made to Reddit by Anonymous. “Although it would seem that much of the information they provide is true, it is actually leading you away from the real truth, to cover for major conspiracies.”

According to Anonymous, the creators of snopes have “no background” and “no history” before the website was created, and indeed have no web presence outside of their names listed on the website. A full background check was completed, and the names were not listed anywhere before 1996.

“We’re still checking into who these people ‘really’ are, and what their full plans are. We’ll get them,” said the posting.

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Faux Report

Trump Donates $130k To Organization Founded By Westboro Baptist Church

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Richard Young, a spokesperson for Faith Among Nations, has confirmed to reporters that his organization recently received a donation in the amount of $130,000 from republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

Faith Among Nations is a non-profit organization currently overseen by Paul Addison, however was originally founded in 1999 by Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. In 2001, Phelps resigned from his position at Faith Among Nations and appointed Paul Addison to take his place as the organization’s president.

The organization claims to help wounded soldiers, wayward children, and victims of natural disasters through monetary donations while promoting traditional Christian values, however the non-profit is widely viewed as an “untrustworthy organization” and has been known to funnel money directly to The Westboro Baptist Church.

Many believe that Faith Among Nations is nothing more than a shell corporation set-up by Phelps to assist in the funding of Westboro Baptist Church business expenses such as travel expenses including air fare, hotel accommodations, and gas expenses. In 2004, the organization was slapped with multiple hefty fines when it was uncovered that upwards of $600,000 worth of Faith Among Nations donations were used to pay Westboro Baptist Church salaries.

When asked directly about the Faith Among Nations donation, Trump told reporters, “Unlike my opponents, I donate to many non-profit and charitable organizations, next question.” Many believe that Trump was unaware that his seemingly massive donation would be used to fund the questionable activities of the Westboro Baptist church, however, many others are of the opinion that Trump knowingly supported the organization.

Trump’s $130,000 donation to Faith Among Nations, is the second controversial donation that the presidential nominee has made this year. He received heavy criticism for a donation of $100,000 that he made to the Greenwell Springs Baptist Church whose interim pastor is Tony Perkins.

(via: The Boston Tribune)

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Faux Report

16 Members Of Japanese Whaling Crew Eaten Alive

A Japanese whaling crew has fallen victim to a dramatic full on assault by a school of killer whales, killing no less than 16 crew members and injuring 12, has reported the Japanese Government this morning.

The crew of the MV Nisshin Maru (日新丸), Japan’s primary whaling vessel and the world’s only whaler factory ship, was forced to leave the deck temporarily as a gas leak was detected within the ship’s processing factory that resulted in the ship being temporarily disabled all while continuing to carry approximately 1,000 tons of oil.

The resulting panic lead members of the ship to jump off the boat before proper emergency procedures were taken and lifeboats had been set to sea.  The swimming crew members were then ferociously attacked by a school of killer whales, that decimated a large number of the crew within moments. “It was horrific” claims Asuka Kumara, a mechanical engineer who witnessed the gruesome  scene. “The water was red with blood, there were bodies everywhere” he recalls in tears.

The incident occurred in the Southern Ocean Whale Sanctuary, near the South Eastern Coast of South Africa, a controversial area to be whaling as a recent international court ruling has ordered the country to ends its whale hunt in the Antarctic. The East Asian nation halted its annual Antarctic whaling mission after the U.N.’s International Court of Justice (ICJ) ruled last march the hunt violated an international moratorium on commercial whaling.

“It seems Japan just doesn’t give a damn about international law” explains environmental activist and spokesman for Greenpeace Canada, James Ben Shahali, based in Vancouver. “The waste of life is always a shame, but the whales are not to blame here, they were only doing what they are born to do: kill for food” he adds.

Some Greenpeace supporters have even celebrated the incident as a victory for the fight against whale hunting worldwide

Japan has slaughtered over 6,000 whales since commercial whaling was made illegal by the International Whaling Commission (IWC) moratorium passed in 1986.

(via: World News Daily Report)

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Study Shows Exactly How Much Human Meat Is In A McDonald’s Burger

McDonald’s history is not a good one, and fast food restaurants are already known to have a lot of “mystery” ingredients, but this rumor tops the list. This disturbing audio admission in the youtube video below will make you cringe, as the interview between James Wickstrom and Rabbi Finkelstein discussed the gruesome practices of the type of “meat” used at McDonald’s.

 Rabbi Finkelstein says that their tradition of blood sacrifice has been going on for thousands and thousands of years. “We take the children of the enemy, which is the white race, we bring them to the basements of the synagogues where we drain them, similar to kosher butchering. Then we send them off to the meat grinders, where they end up in the McDonald’s hamburgers and sausages.”

He explains that these children are sent to meat grinder facilities and sold off to McDonald’s for a profit. Since most of these meat grinding facilities are by the Mexican border line, many of the employees are illegal immigrants and are willing to keep their mouths closed about this information because they are making a good living to send home to their families. Rabbi Finkelstein has no problem telling the interviewer, “You are eating your children every day”.

SHARE with your friends and COMMENT …. Did it really happen??

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(via: Now 8 News)

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New Video Proves Police PLANTED Gun At Scene of Charlotte Shooting

Do you need any more proof that Keith Scott was murdered? A cell phone video made by the wife of Keith Lamont Scott as he was fatally shot by police shows the moments before and after the episode, including the wife’s pleas to her husband to get out of the truck, and her pleas to the officers not to shoot him. But what we are now seeing in the video below is frame by frame movements of what really happened at the scene.

 The video below shows the officer, dressed in a red shirt, place the gun down on the ground where Keith Scott was laying. If you watch the footage in the beginning, there was no gun on the ground! But as the video plays on, and is slowed down frame by frame, you can see the police officer setting a gun down on the ground next to Keith Scott. The photo below shows a gun laying next to Keith Scott. But watch the video below to see how it got there!

Keith Scott was murdered! And this video proves it!

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The video below shows the officer, dressed in a red shirt, place the gun down on the ground where Keith Scott was laying. If you watch the footage in the beginning, there was no gun on the ground! But as the video plays on, and is slowed down frame by frame, you can see the police officer setting a gun down on the ground next to Keith Scott. The photo below shows a gun laying next to Keith Scott. But watch the video below to see how it got there!

(via: Now 8 News)

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