M&M Mars Say They Plan To Release New W&W Candies In 2016

ATLANTA, Georgia –

The M&M-Mars Candy company, who are best known for their little chocolates that “melt in your mouth, not in your hand,” say that they are planning a new line of candies that will be released in 2016, called W&Ws.

“We have been making M&M candies for the better part of 100 years, and we’ve done little to change the product, except to add new things inside,” said company spokesman Joe Goldsmith. “Now, we’ve decided that we are going to shake things up, and add an entirely new product to our line. The W&W candies will be very similar to M&Ms, to the point that most people won’t tell or taste a difference. The only thing is, they will be branded with little Ws on each candy.”

Goldsmith says that the new W&W line is something the company has been working on for quite some time, but were waiting for the proper time to reveal.

“We think now, in this day and age, is the time to really push forth, and break new ground,” said Goldsmith. “We’ve always been forward thinkers and M&M, and now we’re going to prove it.”

Faux Report

Mars Rover Sends Back Images Of What Appears To Be Man Walking Through Dunes

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida –

The Mars rover has reportedly uploaded pictures to the NASA servers from Mars that show a man walking in the distance behind a line of sand dunes. The internet has become abuzz with the photo, which they say is more indisputable proof of life on the planet.

“That is definitely, 100%, a living, walking, sentient being right there,” said internet sleuth and conspiracy theorist Joe Goldsmith. “You can easily tell that this isn’t Photoshopped, because for one, it came directly from NASA, and two, who would want to Photoshop a picture like this trying to prove life on another planet? Is that something people would do? Of course not. I’ve seen plenty of ‘shops in my day, and this is definitely not Photoshopped.”

NASA scientists are still working to uncover the mystery behind the ‘Walking Man,’ as they’re calling it, but so far, they have yet to come up with any solid ideas.

“It’s not entirely out of the realm of possibilty that it could be some sort of being, but it would be odd that this is the first walking, upright, man-like being that we’ve seen since the Rover has been on Mars,” said NASA scientist Dr. Richard Lewis. “I have no idea if this is a man, or Martian, as it were. It’s probably just another case of pareidolia.”

Pareidolia is the condition found in all humans that makes our brains apply known-items to abstract shapes, such as being able to see certain figures in clouds, or faces in random designs.

“We are hoping, very much, that this is some sort of life. That is the whole reason we went to Mars,” said Lewis. “We are trying to move the Rover closer to the area, to begin looking for clues such as footprints or other signs of life, but it is a time-consuming process, to be sure.”

Symphony