Faux Report

Kanye West Announces Plans To Run For President

Kanye West Doesn’t Believe Black People Exist

LOS ANGELES, California –

Kanye West has reportedly just thrown his hat into a very diverse ring of candidates for the presidential elections. According to West, he couldn’t find a candidate in the field who was “deserving” or “cool” enough to become the next president, and that running himself was the only viable option.

“I backed Obama, because he’s my boy. He’s black, he’s a great speaker, and he’s black,” said West. “This year, there are no candidates who move me in the same way that Obama moved me. No one to get behind. No one black. That’s why I’m running myself.”

According to West, he will be running as an independent, although at this time he doesn’t have much of a platform.

“I don’t know much about the world, or the things happening in it, but I know that I can change all the bad things and make them good, just like I did to the music industry, just like I’ll keep doing with my family,” said West. When asked why he wasn’t just backing Ben Carson, who is an African-American candidate, West seemed confused. “I have no idea who you’re talking about. Is he the guy who used to cut open babies or something? Yeah, he’s a joke.”

West will make an official announcement of his candidacy on Tuesday.

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Faux Report

Kanye West Announces Plans To Run For President

Kanye West Doesn’t Believe Black People Exist

LOS ANGELES, California –

Kanye West has reportedly just thrown his hat into a very diverse ring of candidates for the presidential elections. According to West, he couldn’t find a candidate in the field who was “deserving” or “cool” enough to become the next president, and that running himself was the only viable option.

“I backed Obama, because he’s my boy. He’s black, he’s a great speaker, and he’s black,” said West. “This year, there are no candidates who move me in the same way that Obama moved me. No one to get behind. No one black. That’s why I’m running myself.”

According to West, he will be running as an independent, although at this time he doesn’t have much of a platform.

“I don’t know much about the world, or the things happening in it, but I know that I can change all the bad things and make them good, just like I did to the music industry, just like I’ll keep doing with my family,” said West. When asked why he wasn’t just backing Ben Carson, who is an African-American candidate, West seemed confused. “I have no idea who you’re talking about. Is he the guy who used to cut open babies or something? Yeah, he’s a joke.”

West will make an official announcement of his candidacy on Tuesday.

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Faux Report

Presidential Candidate Ben Carson Arrested On Fraud Charges

carson

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Dr. Ben Carson has reportedly been arrested on charges of fraud after it was revealed that the presidential candidate was not actually black.

According to reports, Dr. Ben Carson was born white, and later changed his skin tone to get ahead in his primary field of surgical medicine.

“It’s very, very easy for a black man to get a job as a surgeon, or any doctor in any field, really,” said Dr. Miles Jones, head of medicine at Cambridge. “Affirmative Action basically makes it extremely easy for anyone who is black to get a job. Employers can’t risk not hiring someone who is African-American on the off-chance that they might get sued for racial discrimination.”

While Dr. Carson has not officially made a statement, a team of democratic naysayers have reportedly unearthed Ben Carson’s original birth certificate, which lists Carson as Caucasian. Dr. Carson’s legal team, as well as his campaign team, maintain that he is, and always has been, African-American.

Carson is being questioned by D.C. Police on charges of defrauding the public and gross misuse of campaign funds, after it was questioned whether or not a white man could actually receive money if the person donating thought it was going to a black man.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 19, 2015

Registration, registration. Changes, changes. Dr. Ben Carson was registered in a small, sideline political party until almost one year ago. It will probably help him since most Republican voters vote Republican under protest. He could be the last viable RNC candidate, if the trend continues, and would be a more viable candidate on account of his former membership.

Homosexuals are announcing their status to the world, finding more and more creative ways to do it. Arguably, “coming out” on Facebook is more of a mating call than a warning to heterosexuals to keep away. “Coming out” is no longer as bold and courageous as it once was.

The courts won’t be able to be fair while differentiating the “Church of the Sword” foam sword fights from the tax-exempt Christian coffee-doughnut meetings on Sunday morning. The New Hampshire Church of the Sword will likely have copycats. The non-necessity of the Sunday morning method of Bible education and Christian friendship has been exposed.  · · · →

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