Category Archives: Faux Report

Faux news articles

Faux Report

Baby Born In India With Two Brains In Same Body

2minds2

From World News Daily Report:

Doctor Jagadhish Parsa, who assisted yesterday in the birth of a baby born with a rare malformation causing him to have two distinct brains crammed inside his head, claims that the newborn could be a unique case of two separate minds sharing a single head and body. Tamish and Rajiv Mukeherjee were born at 09:10 AM at the Saiffe Hospital, after a long and complicated surgical operation meant to extract them safely from their mother’s womb.

The boys are a unique case of disrosopus, a rare condition in which twins share the same body but have separate faces and brains. In the case of Tamish and Rajiv, the twins share both the same face and the same body, with each of them controlling only one side…

READ FULLY STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Man On Crystal Meth Kills 12 Neighbors, Believes They Are Zombies

meth

As Reported By World News Daily Report:

A 32-year old man went on a killing frenzy last night, after spending 36 hours in a row watching Walkind Dead while doing drugs. According to the police, Kevin Fogarty was so badly intoxicated with crystal meth, that he became convinced his apartment was surrounded by zombies.

He equipped himself with an assault rifle, two pistols, a machette and a hammer, before going outside to “kill undead…”

READ THE FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

German Scientists Are Able To Prove That There’s Life After Death

scientists-landing-page-img

As Reported By World News Daily Report:

A team of psychologists and medical doctors associated with the Technische Universität of Berlin, have announced this morning that they had proven by clinical experimentation, the existence of some form of life after death. This astonishing announcement is based on the conclusions of a study using a new type of medically supervised near-death experiences, that allow patients to be clinically dead for almost 20 minutes before being brought back to life.

This controversial process that was repeated on 944 volunteers over that last four years, necessitates a complex mixture of drugs including…

READ THE FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Edward Snowden Says Russian Hackers Rigged U.S. Election For Trump

snowden

As Reported By World News Daily Report:

Former US National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden announced this morning that he had “clear evidence” that the 2016 US election was rigged by Russian hackers in favor of Donald Trump.

“I have received confirmation through Guccifer 2.0 that malware was used in the electronic voting machines that lead to the victory of Donald Trump” Snowden told an internet conference in Berlin, speaking via a video link from Russia, where he has been living as a fugitive.

“ We aren’t surprised that the elections were rigged. Instead, we are surprised that they were rigged in favor of Donald Trump.” – Edward Snowden

READ FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Woman Has Cookie Dough Can Explode In Her Vagina While Trying To Shoplift

walmart-cookies

As Reported By Now 8 News:

An incident coming out of Greenville, North Carolina is just one example of what some people will do around the holidays when they are short on cash. A 34-year-old mother of 3 is now under arrest after a shoplifting incident turned tragic. Witnesses say Shatuanee Greene entered the North Carolina Walmart on Sunday with her three children ages 5, 7, and 8 when she grabbed a can of pre-made Christmas cookie dough. CCTV footage shows the young mother take the can to the toy aisle as her children crowded around her. Greene then lifted up her skirt and made the can of cookie dough “disappear.”

When Greene was approached by Walmart security, she told…

READ FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Coca-Cola Recalls Thousands of Dasani Waters After Clear Parasite Found In Bottles

parasite

From Now 8 News:

If you purchase/drink Dasani water you might want to listen up. There has been a major recall by the Coca-Cola company today after several thousand bottles of their drinking water was found to be contaminated with a parasite. It has sent several hundred people to the hospital and is responsible for parasitic symptoms such as fever, rash, vomiting and stomach bloating.

This comes on the heels of a recent report in which Coca-Cola admitted that Dasani is really just“purified” tap water. The corporation admitted in January that their water brand was just purified tap water dressed in a fancy looking bottle. Like many other bottled waters, Dasani is sold at a premium price, and many people perceive it to be superior to tap water – even though it actually is just tap water.

READ THE FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Melania Trump Files For Divorce: ‘I Didn’t Sign Up For This’

melania

Reported By Now 8 News:

The world is in shock over the weekend after sources close to Donald and Melania Trump confirm that Melania filed for divorce over the weekend. The Slovenia born model has voiced concerns over her role as the First Lady of the United States, claiming that she “Didn’t sign up for this.” Sources close to the couple say Melania is not prepared to be ridiculed for the next four years over her immigration status, accent and her husbands infidelities.

“She’s been very upset ever since Donald announced he was running for president last year,” said a woman close to the family. “She wanted a role as a kept woman, not as a woman in charge of being a role model in this country. She is also not prepared to leave her luxurious lifestyle to live in a home as old as the White House. She thinks that the decor is despicable and beyond repair.”

This comes on the heels of Donald Trump’s announcement that he only wants to live in the White House part-time, in a desperate attempt to save his marriage.

READ THE FULL STORY HERE

Standard
Faux Report

Postman Found To Have Over 1100 Illegitimate Children, DNA Test Proves It!

Screen-Shot-2016-03-08-at-4.20.18-PM.png

via NOW8NEWS:

An 87-year-old Nashville retired postman has been proven to have fathered over 1,300 illegitimate children after a private investigator hired by a Tennessee family discovered the shocking truth. The investigation that has gathered thousands of DNA samples and testimonies over a 15 year period ultimately proves the man is the father to literally thousands of illegitimate children in the region.

“Contraception wasn’t very popular in those days,” he told local reporters in his defense. “I have nothing to be ashamed of. The 60s were the good old days and I did a great Johnny Cash impression which played out real good with the ladies. Some even thought I was Johnny Cash for real. I don’t know if they really believed it or if they were trying to convince themselves, but who was I to say no to a quickie.”

READ THE REST HERE

 

Standard
Faux Report

Psychiatrist Says That He Has Discovered ‘Cure’ For Depression

depression

BOSTON, Massachusetts – 

A psychiatrist in Boston says that he has found the perfect cure for clinical depression, and it will get many people off their lifelong medications.

“I have discovered that the cure is quite simple,” said Dr. Marvin Leroy, of Boston. “When I have a patient come in and tell me they’re feeling depressed, I simply tell them to cheer up, and stop being such a Debby-Downer. As of right now, I have a 100% success rate, as not a single patient of mine returns for a follow-up visit.”

Dr. Leroy says he plans to publish his findings in the next Harvard Medical Journal, which is published bi-yearly.

Standard
Faux Report

Man Who Died In Haunted House Not Discovered For Weeks – Everyone Thought He Was ‘Very Realistic Prop’

Man Dies In Haunted House, Mistaken For Prop For Almost 2 Weeks

CONCORD, New Hampshire – 

An elderly man who died while visiting a New Hampshire haunted house almost a month ago was not discovered until last night, after a young child was brave enough to walk up and touch what he thought was a dummy.

“Brian was trying to be brave, because we told him the house was just in fun, no one was really dead and it wasn’t real scary stuff, just pretend,” said Maria Downs who, along with her husband Michael, were taking their 7-year-old son to his first haunted house. “He saw the man in the corner. We thought it was a dummy, so we laughed. Brian bravely walked over to touch it, so he could see for himself that it wasn’t real. As soon as he put his hand on him, Brian turned and ran out of the house screaming.”

When the Downs family took a closer look, they realized that their son had just touched an actual dead body.

According to police, Phil Richards, 80, had gone through the house by himself during early October, and had apparently died of a heart attack.

“No one realized, because he looked kind of plastic and fake,” said police chief Mario Jones. “The owners never saw it; they didn’t go through the house themselves as they were too busy working the front, and the guests all thought the smell was from the fog machines pouring through.”

The owners say that they will be “more vigilant” in checking for dead bodies next year, but they are planning on offering a discount on Halloween night to anyone who wants to go through their haunt and see where the body was.

Standard
Faux Report

POLL: 98% Of Hillary Voters Are Lying, Too Embarrassed To Admit They Support Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

According to a recent, anonymous poll, nearly all of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are actually in favor of Trump being the next president, but are to embarrassed to admit it.

“We have found that, when people know their answers will be kept confidential, that they admit to voting early for Trump, or that they plan to vote for him,” said Mark Domino, who conducted the poll of over 25,000 people personally over the last 6 months. “Based on my calculations, the number of Hillary supporters who ACTUALLY wants her to win is only about 2%.”

To back up his research, Domino recorded every single response, blurring out the faces and changing the voices of the people he spoke to.

“I absolutely want Trump to win, but I can’t say that publicly. I’d be shamed out of my job, maybe out of my marriage. I’d lose everything,” said a man in Duluth, Mississippi.”I’d never vote for someone like Hillary, who lets people die and does nothing, then denies it. It’s disgusting.”

According to Domino, the answers from people are relatively the same no matter where he went.

“People want Trump – in a landslide,” said Domino. “This information might actually help some of these people to be able to come out in support of Trump, since they now know EVERYONE wants him, and they’re not alone, nor are they deplorable.”

Standard
Faux Report

Mt. Dew Proves To Be ‘Extremely Good’ For Premature Babies

ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Doctors in Atlanta and Marshall Research Hospital have discovered that PepsiCo.’s product, Mt. Dew, is “extremely good” for babies, with 8 out of 10 premature infants in the study reacting positively to heavy doses of the soda, including quicker growth spurts, quicker time removed from respirators, as well as teaching them how to “suck, swallow, and breathe” faster.

“Most premature babies cannot suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time, which is why they spend months in hospitals, learning how to eat and drink without choking,” said Dr. Emmett Brown, who headed the study. “When we switched their normal formula, which is fed through a tube for most preemies, to Mt. Dew, we saw excellent and noticeable improvement within days.”

Of the 1,000 premature babies that were studied, Dr. Brown says that they had a “100% survival rate,” with 85% of the babies going home before their due date, which is unheard of in standard medical practice.

“We are looking at how Mt. Dew has helped these babies, and the reasoning behind it,” said Brown. “We may also start to try other drinks as well, such as RedBull, to see the effects there. We have high hopes.”

Standard
Faux Report

Trump Says When He Wins Election He’ll Continue Living In Trump Tower, Open White House To Area Homeless

trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump says that ‘when’ he wins the election next week, he plans to not move into the White House, and instead will reside at Trump Tower in New York, and allow D.C. area homeless to occupy the White House.

“This is a huge deal for them, and will guarantee a safe place for these people to live for the next four years,” said Trump. “And, considering how much time I will need to fix the mistakes of the current President, it’s likely that the people chosen can live in the White House for 8 years.”

Trump says that of the 156 rooms in the White House, he will have 150 of them “transformed” into full, tiny studio apartments – at his own expense.

“There is plenty of room in most of these massive rooms at the White House to make small studio apartments. A toilet, a sink, a refrigerator, and a bed – I’ll pay for all the remodels, and we can really start to clean up the D.C. homeless problem.”

Standard
Faux Report

Parents Die After Not Checking Child’s Halloween Candy For Poison, Eating It Themselves

GARDINER, Georgia – 

A couple who ate some of their child’s Halloween candy without checking first to see if it had been tampered with died after they both ate chocolates that had been injected with rat poison.

Mary and George Richards, both 33, of Gardiner, Georgia, took their 4-year-old son, Michael, out trick or treating on Monday evening, and when they arrived home at around 8PM, they sent Michael to bed.

According to their Facebook page, they were planning on sneaking some of Michael’s candy, and had a status saying that they “hoped he wouldn’t notice.”

“Michael got so much candy tonight, I think George and I are going to take a bunch for ourselves,” read Mary’s status. “Isn’t that what Halloween is all about?”

Police say the two were discovered dead only 45 minutes later, when a neighbor came by to hang out.

“It was gruesome,” said the neighbor. “They were both bloated and foaming at the mouth. I called 911, but it was too late.”

Despite urban legends to the contrary, this is the first case of Halloween candy poisoning in all of recorded history that wasn’t perpetrated by a friend or family member of the victim.

Standard