Tag Archives: politics

Faux Report

Donald Trump Makes Decision To Leave Republican Party, Run Under Nazi Party

trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump has reportedly made a switch of parties, but it’s something that most of his supporters say they didn’t see coming: the billionaire mogul has left the Republican party in favor of the New Nazi Party.

“Heil Hitler,” said Trump, greeting a slew of guests and supporters at a rally on Saturday evening with a one-handed salute. “After careful consideration, I have decided that a better party for me would be the Nazi party, and plan to remove myself from the running on the Republican ticket in favor of this new, slightly less inclusive party.”

Trump says that the Republicans seem to have “lost their way” over time, and too many Mexicans, illegals, and even African Americans are ruining the GOP.

“When I was a boy, a Mexican was sight to be afraid of, and a black guy on the street meant trouble,” said Trump. “The republicans, they seem to have forgotten what it means to be a part of the GOP – strict regulation and hating anyone not rich, white, and racist. The New Nazi Party is more my style – less trusting of new ways, and far less trusting of illegals. It’s the way things should be.”

Trump’s supporters say that they really don’t care what party he runs under, because he “speaks his mind,” so idiots that appreciate his candor plan to continue their support.

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Symphony

July 15, 2015

Israel dost not approve the deal: ‘historic mistake’

Germany not happy that Israel is not happy

Mark Levin & Breitbart—the real deal on everything

Suffolk University DONALD 17% JEB 14%

1.1M fingerprints hacked: Fed workers

History of Pluto’s non-planet of love

Where no bean has gone before: Starbucks will open its first coffee shop in Sub Saharan Africa next year  · · · →

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Prophecy

The God Who Never Changes!

Every so often, usually when somebody is thinking outside the box, someone will quote the Bible that God doesn’t change, and then assert that we can’t change either. I got hit with that again this week.
We can’t think new things, because God doesn’t change, doncha know!
And there’s some truth in that: God does declare, “For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.” (Malachi 3:6)
And the New Testament declares, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
Yep. It’s true that God doesn’t change. He’s the same forever.
But that doesn’t mean that change is ungodly. Think about it:
►    That God who never changes is an unchangingly creative God!
►    He is the One who declared, “Light, be!” when there was no light.
►    He is the One who decided to create man in his own image, when there had never been anything created in God’s image before.
►    He is the One who proposed a covenant of intimate personal relationship (Ex 19:6) into a nation of slaves who knew no covenant, and who rejected his proposal outright (Ex 20:19).
►    He is the One who put on human skin, who became a living, breathing, squalling, pooping part of his creation so that he could re-offer a covenant of intimate personal relationship.
►    He is the One who is always creating something new, whether it’s manna in that generation or wine in this generation, or a new heaven and a new earth in this other generation. Or stars. Stars and planets before there were any generations.
►    He is the One who has adopted us, changing us, removing our slavery to sin and hell and making us his own children, his own heirs, and his own friends.
So yeah: God never changes. He’s always the same, always changing everything around him, always up to something new and different that we’ve never seen before, always creating new ways to bring people into his family.
This is the same God that declares, “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  (Isa 43:19)

Yeah: THAT is the God who never changes. He never stops being good, he never stops loving you and me, he never changes who he is. That’s really good.
But please stop trying to tell us that new things are evil because God doesn’t change. God is the greatest source of new things this universe has ever seen!

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Symphony

Tempo: May 15, 2015

TPP could kill American retirement. The 20 Republicrats who voted amnesty: list. China, India, together in space. Mexican candidates killed, part of a string. China cleans up on coal. Internet registration to leave US control. Photo: Protected white stork rebuilds typhoon-damaged nest in Tokushima Innovate: How To Better Predict Unicorns  · · · →

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Faux Report

Drum Circles in Hong Kong Reach Critical Levels

HONG KONG — As the democracy protests in Hong Kong enter their second week, sources say the number of drum circles in the city has reached critical levels.

Drawn to the freewheeling, Occupy-style protests, thousands of itinerant drummers have set up shop among the protesters in Wan Chai and Causeway Bay.

Initially, the tabla-toting newcomers were welcomed by protesters but their incessant thumping quickly alienated both organizers and participants. Some feared that the never-ending percussion would spark a backlash among local residents and prompt police retaliation.

Sources say the cacophony in Wan Chai has reached 1.6 zuccottis and continues to build.

Indeed, Hong Kong Police Commissioner Andy Tsang told reporters Thursday, “We tolerated the establishment of a lending library, but if this arrhythmic banging continues we will forcibly clear the affected areas.”

“It’s disturbing the day traders,” Tsang added.

But the freestyle jam sessions show no sign of abating. Sources on the ground say the cacophony in Wan Chai has reached 1.6 zuccottis and continues to build.

On the same day as Tsang’s press conference, state-owned newspaper People’s Daily published an editorial that denounced the unrest and pointed to the drum circles as clear evidence of a Western conspiracy.

“The Chinese do not percuss,” the author wrote. “These can-banging insurgents want to destroy China and turn it into one giant Burning Man.”

At press time, protest leaders attempted to use the people’s microphone to debate the necessity of drum circles, but their arguments could not be heard over the din.

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Faux Report

World Leaders Applaud China for Not Killing Anyone Yet

BEIJING — This week, leaders from around the world applauded Chinese President Xi Jinping for showing “extraordinary restraint” in dealing with the ongoing chaos spurred by democracy protests in Hong Kong.

U.S. President Barack Obama was one of the first to praise the Chinese leader, thanking him for “responding with tear gas and pepper spray instead of, you know….”

The American president trailed off before adding, “Just don’t go all Ferguson on them.”

Russian President Vladimir Putin marveled at Xi’s “grace under fire” and said that Russian paramilitary forces would be happy to help put down protesters “should [Xi] change his mind.”

“Not that you need any help with that,” he added.

“Just don’t go all Ferguson on them.”

The leaders of Egypt and Turkey, along with Ferguson Mayor James Knowles III, expressed pleasant surprise that Beijing had not yet ordered police to use live ammunition or called in the People’s Liberation Army to forcefully crush the protests.

“Hurry up and call in the tanks,” joked Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. “You’re making the rest of us look bad.”

For his part, Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi asked Xi “what [he was] waiting for.”

When Xi expressed reluctance to use military force, Sisi assured the Chinese president that “it’s easier the second time around.”

Putin, Erdogan and Sisi, along with Knowles, told Xi that they would stand with him in solidarity when the time eventually came to violently remove the protesters.

“There’s no shame in using disproportionate force to maintain stability,” Sisi reported said to Xi. “We’ve all done it.”

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Faux Report

PLA Navy Withdraws from North Sea After Scotland’s “No” Vote

LONDON — Britain’s Royal Navy reported Monday that frigates belonging to the People’s Liberation Army Navy anchored near British waters had turned back for their home port in Qingdao after the Scottish referendum on independence returned a decisive “no” vote.

A few weeks ago, when the Scottish National Party-backed “Yes Scotland” campaign drew ahead in certain polls, China’s Central Military Commission ordered a “precautionary” occupation of international waters in the North Sea in case “this inalienable territory of a sovereign state should fall toward independence.”

“The PLA Navy stands ready to bombard Lothian, Aberdeenshire and the Orkney Islands should separatist forces prevail.”

Beijing had previously warned that Scottish independence would “set a dangerous precedent,” and pledged military support to the “rightful rulers of the Scots, i.e. the UK government” in the event of an “illegal schism in violation of the territorial integrity of what is unquestionably one nation, one people, one culture.”

“While we respect the right of the Royal Armed Forces to exercise jurisdiction in their sovereign territory, China cannot tolerate the unilateral declaration of independence by any would-be nation,” ran a press release from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs last Wednesday.

“As such, the PLA Navy stands ready to bombard Lothian, Aberdeenshire and the Orkney Islands should separatist forces prevail on Thursday.”

After the votes were tallied Friday morning, with 55 percent of the country’s voters choosing to remain part of the UK, China’s fleet was recalled, with Xi Jinping making separate telephone calls to Queen Elizabeth II and Prime Minister David Cameron congratulating them on the “continued health of the One Britain Policy.”

The Chinese president reportedly then made a call to Scottish First Minister and independence advocate Alex Salmond, inviting him to Beijing for “tea” at the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection.

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