WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump announced this morning that he plans to “open the vault” on government secrets that have, until now, only been available to presidents and high-ranking officials.

“As a thank you to the American people, who have worked so hard to get me into this position, I will be releasing some of the world’s greatest secrets, in full detail. Information that was all a part of the President’s Secret Book, as it were. Things that even I, as a billionaire, didn’t know about our country. The stories are amazing.”

Trump says that he will start with some of the biggest “conspiracy theories,” such as who really shot John F. Kennedy, as well as the secrets to the faked moon landing.

“That one is incredible, truly incredible. There are a lot of theories out there, and a lot of people who truly believe we landed on the moon,” laughed Trump. “Everyone will find out soon enough the truth, and they will have their minds completely blown.”