Tag Archives: Mexicans

Faux Report

Taco Bell To No Longer Allow Trump Supporters In Their Restaurants

taco bell

IRVINE, California – 

Taco Bell, a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, has announced today that they will no longer be allowing Trump supporters into their restaurants, based on vile hate speech that the candidate has made about Mexican immigrants.

“Taco Bell does not support hate against anyone, of any nationality, and we cannot continue to allow people who agree with such people and such views, into our establishments,” said Taco Bell spokesman Joel Silver. “Signs have been posted at each location, including franchise locations, to let people who support Trump know that they are not welcome.”

Silver says that the company has received almost nothing but support after making the announcement this morning via social media.

“There are plenty of people who support Trump, and that’s depressing,” said Silver. “We cannot, in good conscience, allow that kind of people to eat in our restaurants. Our food is a staple of Mexican-American cuisine, and to talk badly about the people who make and have created our foods is not something we support.”

Signs posted in the stores indicate that Taco Bell “stands with their fellow Mexican restaurants.”

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Faux Report

As Summer Nears, Children Ready To Play Hottest New Swimming Game, ‘Marco Rubio’

marco rubio

MIAMI, Florida – 

For years, a popular swimming game for children – or adults pretending to be children – has always been Marco Polo, where one child closes his eyes and yells out “Marco!” while other children scream “Polo!” in return. This year, though, a group of children in Miami have upped the game, swapping out Marco Polo for Marco Rubio.

“The game basically plays the same as Marco Polo always did, except now we scream back ‘Rubio!'” said Freddy Johnson, 9. “I don’t really know anything about politics, but my dad says that Marco Rubio is a huge joke, and that all he does is play games, so this is a fun way to include him in our playtime!”

Many parents are happy that their children are taking to the new, family-friendly game.

“After the huge fiasco that my family had trying to play Trump-Twister, this is so much easier,” said Mary Lambert, 43, and mother of 3 small boys. “With that game, you have to spin the wheel and whatever random lie or racial epithet pops up, that’s where you have to put your hand or feet. There are so many racist remarks, we all fell down into one giant pile almost right away. ‘Left hand…Mexicans are dirty! Ugh. Horrible game.”

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