Tag Archives: idiots

Faux Report

You Won’t Believe The Scam That These People Fell For

COLUMBUS, Ohio –

Across the nation people have reported receiving scam calls that falsely suggest they are in trouble with the IRS. In a recent twist to the old scam, that most people would find ludicrous, cons are asking consumers to pay off their debt in iTunes gift cards.

Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine is warning consumers to beware of callers who claim to represent the IRS and ask for payment via iTunes gift cards, after 10 Ohioans recently reported losing between $1,000 and $11,500 to the ploy.

The victims were told to purchase iTunes gift cards, often worth $500 each, to resolve the supposed tax problem. After buying the cards, the victims were instructed to read the numbers on the back of the cards over the phone, and assured that this was a more secure method of payment because they were not giving out their credit card or checking information over the phone. Scammers then drained the cards’ funds, making it nearly impossible for the victims to recover the money.

“Obviously the IRS is not going to call you unexpectedly and demand that you pay off tax debt using an iTunes card,” Attorney General DeWine said. “This is not how the IRS operates. But some people are just dumb. We’re encouraging people with sense to talk to friends, family, and neighbors about this.”

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Faux Report

‘Gaping Mouth,’ ‘Mouth Breather’ Look Actually A Sign of Genius

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ROCKFORD, Illinois – 

Although a person who lets their mouth hang open may appear stupid or inbred, new studies suggest it may actually be a sign of superior intellect and genius.

Researcher Steven Hildebrandt claims many who let their mouths gape open show more brain activity on MRIs. “They’re using such a large percentage of their brain on intellectual pursuits that their jaws and jowls involuntarily relax.” Hildebrandt says he has found that not all mouth breathers are geniuses, and encourages people not to judge intellect based on mouth breathing alone.

Mareta Romano, the mother of a ten year old who suffers from resting-retard face says, “I couldn’t stand how she let her mouth hang open all the time. I said ‘Dora, sweetie, you look like a goddamn fool.’ After hearing about this study, I still do not feel a young lady should let her mouth hang wide open like that, but I have made her father stop beating her for it.”

Hildebrandt claims that they plan on continuing the study, examining more mouth breathers, with full findings expected to be published later in the year.

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Faux Report

Donald Trump Makes Decision To Leave Republican Party, Run Under Nazi Party

trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Donald Trump has reportedly made a switch of parties, but it’s something that most of his supporters say they didn’t see coming: the billionaire mogul has left the Republican party in favor of the New Nazi Party.

“Heil Hitler,” said Trump, greeting a slew of guests and supporters at a rally on Saturday evening with a one-handed salute. “After careful consideration, I have decided that a better party for me would be the Nazi party, and plan to remove myself from the running on the Republican ticket in favor of this new, slightly less inclusive party.”

Trump says that the Republicans seem to have “lost their way” over time, and too many Mexicans, illegals, and even African Americans are ruining the GOP.

“When I was a boy, a Mexican was sight to be afraid of, and a black guy on the street meant trouble,” said Trump. “The republicans, they seem to have forgotten what it means to be a part of the GOP – strict regulation and hating anyone not rich, white, and racist. The New Nazi Party is more my style – less trusting of new ways, and far less trusting of illegals. It’s the way things should be.”

Trump’s supporters say that they really don’t care what party he runs under, because he “speaks his mind,” so idiots that appreciate his candor plan to continue their support.

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