A 19-year-old from Jiangsu was taken to the hospital after chopping off his left hand in an attempt to cure his Internet addiction. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
 |
“This only works if you’re not also addicted to masturbation.”
|
 |
“Talk about an addiction getting out of hand.”
|
 |
“You can still play League of Legends with one good stump.”
|
A Chinese woman has been arrested for chopping her husband’s penis off twice after discovering he was having an affair. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
 |
“This story would be a lot funnier if his last name was Wang.”
|
 |
“Incidents like these are exactly why we have double jeopardy laws.”
|
 |
“The lesson is clear: never cheat on your wife unless you have three penises.”
|
An Inner Mongolian man wrongfully executed for rape and murder 18 years ago has been exonerated. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
 |
“So long as it’s only happened this once.”
|
|
“What if he really is guilty? A wrongful exoneration would be even more embarrassing.”
|
|
“I bet the cops who tortured this guy to extract a confession are feeling pretty silly right about now.”
|
Last week, the State Administration for Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television ordered media to cease the “irregular and inaccurate use of the Chinese language, especially the misuse of idioms.” Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
|
“I guess you could say the government is done wordplaying around.”
|
|
“What is the, ahem, punishment for disobedience?”
|
|
“I guess the Chinese government is finally watching its language, but it sounds more like character assassination.”
|
In a recent speech, Chinese President Xi Jinping urged a stop to the construction of “strange-looking” buildings that have proliferated around China. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
 |
“There goes that SOHO building shaped like a vulva.”
|
 |
“Looks like some people just can’t handle a little postmodern deconstructivism.”
|
|
“I don’t find a building shaped like a golden penis strange.”
|
Kuzya, a Siberian tiger released into eastern Russia by President Vladimir Putin in May, has swum across the Amur River into China. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
|
“Its penis is mine.”
|
|
“I’ve been saying for years that we need a 3,600-kilometer-long border fence. Now who’s crazy?”
|
|
“These undocumented cats are coming for our jobs.”
|
The owner of a restaurant in Yan’an admitted to garnishing his noodles with crushed poppy buds after a patron tested positive in a routine drug test. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.
|
“Routine drug tests ruin everything.”
|
|
“If this a ploy by the British to get us all hooked on opium again, it’s working.”
|
|
“Looks like it’s back to sprinkling crack onto noodles for me.”
|
