Faux Report

Russian Tiger Released by Putin Swims to China

Kuzya, a Siberian tiger released into eastern Russia by President Vladimir Putin in May, has swum across the Amur River into China. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people.

“Its penis is mine.”
“I’ve been saying for years that we need a 3,600-kilometer-long border fence. Now who’s crazy?”
“These undocumented cats are coming for our jobs.”
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