Faux Report

Bill Clinton Takes LSD Hit Back Stage At DNC

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania – 

It may not have been obvious to everyone, but Bill Clinton was higher than a kite during his wife’s “legendary” DNC speech Thursday evening. The former president was reportedly seen taking large hits of LSD back stage before joining Hillary Clinton at the podium, where he spent several minutes spacing out, and then playing with balloons.

“I have never seen anyone drop so much at once,” said a Clinton campaign staffer, who wished to remain anonymous. “He looked right at me, offered me some, and I had to take a pass. So he just took a whole bunch himself. It was intense. We tried to stop him, but you know, he’s pretty ornery for an old man.”

Hillary Clinton appeared to ignore her husband completely while he stared at confetti being dropped from the ceiling, and while he spent several minutes playing with balloons, including carrying a large one around on stage before kicking it into the crowd.

“This night is fantastic, you’re all fantastic, and everyone is so fucking awesome, man,” Bill Clinton reportedly said to reporters after the event had died down. “I don’t know how you’re all doing that swirly motion thing with your eyes, but it’s tripping me out in so many sick ways.”

 

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Thursday, March 31, 2015

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