Tag Archives: cannibal

Faux Report

Woman Who Ate 3 of Her Children Released From Prison After Only 2 Years

PHOENIX, Arizona – 

A 32-year-old woman, Maria Astrana, was convicted in late 2014 of cannibalizing three of her six children, and sentenced to life in prison. Surprisingly, Astrana was released from jail today after serving just slightly over two years, thanks to a bizarre technicality and typing error.

According to lawyers, Astrana’s sentenced was cut drastically short when they filed a motion to dismiss based on a typo in her official court documents.

“Ms. Astrana’s officially written sentence was typed as ‘lif (sic) without parole,'” said her lawyer, Darius Marques, Esq. “Because of this, we took her case to a new judge, who found that her sentence could not be completely verified, and as such she would be let out of prison.”

Outrage over the decision has already begun spreading across social media, with many calling out the Governor of Arizona for allowing this to happen under his watch.

“I can’t even walk across the street outside of a crosswalk without getting a ticket, and this bitch can eat some of her kids like she’s a wild animal, and only serve two years?” said Phoenix resident Alexandra Jones. “This is crazy. They might as well just do away with laws all together. The hell with it.”

Astrana says that she has already consulted with her old job, and they plan to offer to give her back her old position. She previously worked at the Lil’ Tykes Daycare center in Phoenix.

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Faux Report

Study Shows Exactly How Much Human Meat Is In A McDonald’s Burger

McDonald’s history is not a good one, and fast food restaurants are already known to have a lot of “mystery” ingredients, but this rumor tops the list. This disturbing audio admission in the youtube video below will make you cringe, as the interview between James Wickstrom and Rabbi Finkelstein discussed the gruesome practices of the type of “meat” used at McDonald’s.

 Rabbi Finkelstein says that their tradition of blood sacrifice has been going on for thousands and thousands of years. “We take the children of the enemy, which is the white race, we bring them to the basements of the synagogues where we drain them, similar to kosher butchering. Then we send them off to the meat grinders, where they end up in the McDonald’s hamburgers and sausages.”

He explains that these children are sent to meat grinder facilities and sold off to McDonald’s for a profit. Since most of these meat grinding facilities are by the Mexican border line, many of the employees are illegal immigrants and are willing to keep their mouths closed about this information because they are making a good living to send home to their families. Rabbi Finkelstein has no problem telling the interviewer, “You are eating your children every day”.

SHARE with your friends and COMMENT …. Did it really happen??

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(via: Now 8 News)

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Faux Report

New York City Restaurant Becomes First To Get License To Serve Human Flesh

skin

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

Where else but New York City? A newly opened restaurant within the city limits is boasting the nation’s first license to serve human flesh on the menu. The restaurant, simply called SKIN, received a license after petitioning the state and federal governments over laws against cannibalism.

“As a species, we are at the top of the food chain, and the only meat left to tackle was other humans,” said SKIN owner Mario Dorcy, a 4-star Michelin chef. “We battled long and hard to be able to serve human meat in our restaurant, and the government finally conceded that were were in the right.”

Dorcy says that he has been fighting cannibal ordinance laws for over 10 years, and was finally given the green-light after he promised that the meat that was used would only come from people who had donated their bodies specifically to his restaurant, knowing full well that they would be eaten.

“We have to keep meticulous records, and there is a lot of paperwork someone has to fill out before they die, and before they can be eaten,” said Dorcy. “We do pay handsomely for body donations, though, and the money can be used for anything, since funeral expenses become zero when you donate your body to be eaten.”

Dorcy says that there are plenty of dishes on the menu that do not include human meat, but those leery of the process should not order at all.

“Just like on those packages of candies with allergy warnings that say ‘the machines also are used to make items with nuts,’ our utensils are also used to cook human meat,” said Dorcy. “So don’t come in if you’re not down with what we do.”

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