MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin – 

According to Illuminati watchdogs, Spotify didn’t just release the Beatles back-catalog to make some money, they did it to mess with your mind.

“A subliminal message can be overlain with music so it is inaudible to the conscious mind, but still has an effect on the subconscious,” said professor John Gold at Boston’s Harvard College. “The actual effectiveness of subliminal advertising is in question, but according to conspiracy theorists, that’s just what they want you to think. In fact it is very effective, used in advertisements and propaganda all the time.”

Burnt out old hippie Harry Brown warns, “As tempting as it is to tune in, don’t do it. Big brother just wants to keep you pacified. Think about it. Everyone likes the Beatles. Almost everyone has Spotify. If I was trying to control the population, that’s what I’d do. They just want everyone to be mindless little sheep. But hell no, man. Not me. That’s why I’m sticking with my vinyl, man. Face it, MP3 sound will never be as real. You gotta stay real no matter what you do.”

Spotify did not comment on the Beatles subliminal messaging, but it has been noted that subscriptions to the paid service have gone up substantially since the catalog was released on Christmas eve.