Tag Archives: Zika Virus

Faux Report

Zika Virus Reportedly Fake, Harmless; Frenzy Created By Obama Administration To Secure Funding

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

The CDC, in conjunction with President Obama, have reportedly been caught in a scam, after admitting that humans are immune to the Zika Virus, which is carried by mosquitos. A whistleblowing aide from within the White House released documents proving that the CDC worked along with top White House staff to fool the public into thinking that Zika was dangerous and deadly.

“As it turns out, the virus is completely harmless to humans, and this was a tactic used to solicit government funds from other areas, that could then be used for personal and political gains,” read the documents. “Although it is possible that Obama himself may not have known about the scam, it is highly unlikely, and even more likely that he himself concocted the scheme along with his personal friend, Gary Lewis, head of the CDC.”

So far, no one from the White House is commenting on the issue, but calls from the public have been flooding the CDC offices, demanding information. The CDC has not issued a statement.

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Faux Report

Florida Conservative Group Says We Need To ‘Save The Mosquitos’

MIAMI, Florida – 

As government leaders argue over funding the Zika control effort, environmentalists in Florida are campaigning to save the mosquitos. The Florida Conservation Coalition (FCC) says the attempts to control the spread of the Zika virus by decimating the mosquito population will harm the environment.

FCC representative Matt Toole says, “Saving a few babies from a life of gross mental retardation is not worth the entire collapse of the eco system. Bats, birds, and dragon flies stand to be wiped out. And don’t get me started on fish.”

One protester, desperate to make a point, was hospitalized after covering himself in bug spray and setting himself on fire.

Most other residents of Florida could not disagree more. Swamp resident Marla Jackson says she hopes they kill every last mosquito. “If just one sweet little babe is saved, I say wipe them all out. We hate those damn bugs.”

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