WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

A new microchip developed by NASA researchers will soon be released to market, which will allow people to keep tabs on their spouse, and receive text messages when they are cheating.

“The technology works on perspiration and saliva,” said creator Martin Deen, of NASA. “When the chip is implanted, secretly, by the spouse of a cheater, the implant will automatically pair with the person’s body, recognizing their DNA. When the chip notices that another person’s sweat, saliva, semen, blood, or other bodily fluid is recognized, then it automatically sends a text message to a programmed number as proof that the carrier is, indeed, cheating.”

So far, researchers have sold about 200 units to women and men who expect that their partner is cheating, and the results have been wonderful.

“The offending spouse never even knew how they got caught, but in the end, it always catches them red handed,” said Deen.

Deen says that the chip will work best if implanted into somewhere such as the penis or vagina, for maximum effect.