Tag Archives: film

Faux Report

‘Mein Kampf’ Copyright Runs Out January 1st; Slew Of Filmmakers Ready To Tackle Story

mein kampy

HOLLYWOOD, California  – 

The copyright held on Hitler’s manifesto, Mein Kampf, runs out on January 1st, 2016, and there are already a dozen filmmakers readying their big screen version of the leader’s book.

Stephen Spielberg, who is best known for his films Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List, says that he has been working on a screenplay for the big screen adaptation of Mein Kampf for over a decade, merely waiting for the copyright to expire so that none of Hitler’s relatives would be able to profit from the book.

“Oh yeah, I’m a big fan of Hitler,” said Spielberg. “I mean, I made Schindler’s List because I was really interested in that time period, and in Hitler specifically, but I couldn’t make the movie I wanted to make back then. The studios were definitely not letting me make a Mein Kampf film. They were never going to purchase the rights. Now that the copyright is expiring, I can make it a great, huge, holiday film.”

Other directors, including Kevin Smith, John Waters, and JJ Abrams are also in the process of writing screenplays based on Mein Kampf. Smith, who is known for his satirical and comedic films, says that he is planning on titling his film Mein Kamfy Chair, and telling the story of Hitler’s favorite Lay-Z-Boy.

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Faux Report

‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Becomes First Film To Make $100 Billion Dollars At Box Office

star wars

HOLLYWOOD, California – 

Star Wars fever has hit the world hard, after the latest installment, The Force Awakens, has crossed the $100 billion dollar mark in worldwide grosses, blowing away the previous box office champ, Avatar, which grossed only about $2.5 billion.

“Honestly, I’m shocked that the movie did so well,” said the director, JJ Abrams. “No one seemed to care too much when I reinvigorated Star Trek, so I didn’t have super high hopes for Force. Plus, all we really did was remake the first film, so seriously, it’s crazy that people are plopping down money to see it 15 or 20 times.”

Based on worldwide grosses, the studio behind the film, Disney, says that they estimate that every single human being currently alive on the planet has seen the film at least once, and that several babies – who won’t even be born until the new year – may have already seen it as well.

“It’s really the only way the film could have done so much money,” said Disney CEO Mike Laird. “I mean, think about it like this. Titanic was the number one film at the box office for almost a dozen years, at just over 2 billion dollars. Then Avatar knocks that out with just under 3 billion. And now, here comes Force, which brings in a whopping $100 billion? I mean, that’s insane, right? There are 8 billion people in the world, and with average ticket prices at around $12, that means everyone, everywhere has seen the movie.”

Although those numbers add up, that’s likely not the case, according to box office analysts.

“More likely, it’s the same handful of nerds who’ve gone and see the movie 40 or 50 times in IMAX, which have ticket prices closer to the $20 range,” said Box Office Mojo writer Gil Morrison. “I can honestly say I haven’t seen it, and probably never will. I mean shit, who cares?”

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