WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Public records indicate that former president Bill Clinton has filed for divorce from his wife, current presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton, citing “irreconcilable differences.”

A lawyer for Ex-President Clinton said that he had “no comment” at this time, but said that Clinton himself had issued a partial statement on the matter:

For those who are wondering, yes, I have decided to leave Hillary after decades of marriage. The reasons are personal and, well – actually, a lot of the reasons are very, very public, too – but most of them are personal. I like having sex with multiple women, and Hillary likes to control everything, including me. It’s become too hard to live with such a maniacal, egotistical woman, and when she becomes president, it will ruin this marriage even further. We cannot see eye-to-eye, and so it is time for me to end this. I do not want to have sexual relations with that woman.

According to a lawyer, who does not represent either party, a divorce with this much equity, real estate, and other massive-ticket items, could take some time to sort out. It’s entirely likely that the pair will still be legally married until well after Hillary is sworn into office.