Faux Report

Justin Bieber Signs $2M Porn Deal With Brazzers

porn

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Justin Bieber announced today that he has signed a $2 million contract with Brazzers, the adult website, with plans to complete 5 pornographic films. Sources close to the film company say one of those movies may also star Selena Gomez, Bieber’s on-again, off-again lover.

Bieber began his career in music over a decade ago, after being discovered on YouTube. Since then, he has released several extremely successful albums, and has appeared many times on the covers of tabloids throughout the world.

“Now that he is no longer selling records, and his popularity is dipping, he is desperate for money,” says an anonymous source close to the musician. “I think this is a bad decision, really. Most of his fans are young girls, under 18, and they shouldn’t be allowed to see this stuff…but you know they will seek it out. It will ruin his already tarnished reputation.”

Standard
Faux Report

TIME Magazine Names Justin Bieber’s Penis ‘Person of the Year’

bieber

LOS ANGELES, California – 

In a year that had so many extremely exciting events and focused on so many important people – from Caitlyn Jenner’s “courageous” speeches, to President Obama finishing his final term in office, TIME Magazine has narrowed done the list of the Person of the Year to one person – or rather, one part of one person.

TIME has said that they have named Justin Bieber’s penis as their Person of the Year 2015. This comes only months after Beiber’s member made its first public appearance.

“I’m extremely honored that my penis has been named Person of the Year,” said Beiber. “I kind of figured when I walked around naked outside my hotel room that people would take pictures, but I never thought I’d have so many great honors associated with it, such as this Person of the Year distinction, or all the offers of having it molded for dildos.”

Bieber says that although the honor is very important to both him and his penis, he will not be allowing it to be photographed for the cover.

“I have nothing against TIME magazine or their photographers, and I’m grateful the think my dick is this important – I know I certainly agree with them – but I need my member to have pics taken at only certain times, and I just don’t think right now is one of them.”

 

Standard