Faux Report

‘Big Fat Fabulous Life’ TV Star Has Weight Loss Journey Sabotaged By TLC

pizza

HOLLYWOOD, California –

One of the stars of the TLC TV series Big Fat Fabulous Life has come forward, saying that the cable channel completely sabotaged her weight loss goals by constantly providing her with food.

“I told producers I planned to lose weight. I was feeling horrible, fat, and unhealthy. Despite the title, being fat is not fabulous,” said Mary Lawrence, who weighed 297 pounds when she started filming the show. “I wanted to get down to around 165. I started talking to my doctors, and they were going to help. TLC seemed supportive, but then their wallets got the better of them.”

Lawrence, 28, says that TLC began sending her baskets of food, restaurant gift certificates, and they cancelled the personal trainer they said they’d help pay for.

“They really just wanted me to stay fat, because it is good for ratings if I’m huge,” said Lawrence. “I couldn’t help myself. When someone sends you a basket of cheeseburgers from In-and-Out, you have no choice but to devour them all. In one sitting. By yourself. While watching My 600lb Life.”

TLC representatives could not be reached for comment.

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Faux Report

New TV Show Will Highlight Competitive Dumpster-Diving

dumpster

LOS ANGELES, California – 

A new TV show to air later this year on TLC will highlight competitive dumpster-diving, which has become one of the most “extreme” new sports-slash-competitions in recent years. The series, which has been picked up for one season to start, will be called Garbage Games, and will follow multiple people in their quest to find the most valuable item in their town’s dumpsters and trash cans.

“I got into dumpster diving when I was a kid, because we were poor, and it seemed like a good hobby,” said Mark Ryan, who is featured on the show. “I’ve found everything from extremely valuable paintings to old antique toys to more ‘useful’ things, like unopened packages of food. I think I’ll really have a good leg-up in the Garbage Games.”

TLC president Phil Moss says that he is “extremely excited” for the show to air, and thinks it could be a great competitor to shows like Hoarders.

“I love shows about trash, whether it’s trashy people like Honey Boo-Boo or trash in someone’s home like Hoarders, so I think this show will be great,” said Moss. “I’ve seen the first few episodes, and there are some really, really fun and exciting things that people find in their trash. America will love this show.”

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Faux Report

Netflix Picks Up ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ As New Original Series

honeybooboo

ATLANTA, Georgia –

Netflix has been creating waves with their original programming, and even this week started the revival series Fuller House, a new version of the popular series Full House. It seems that Netflix is continuing with the trend of picking up old TV shows, as they announced today that they are in production on a new season of the former TLC series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

“We absolutely loved the show, Honey Boo Boo, and all the other characters that millions of people watched every single week,” said Netflix production manager Joel Hodgkins. “It’s not Honey’s fault that her mom was sleeping with a pedophile, and that the show got cancelled as a result. So, what we’re doing is bringing the show back for a new season, but this time, it will all be Honey Boo Boo, no Mama Jean.”

According to Netflix, the show will begin filming in summer of 2016, and will follow the adventures of Honey Boo Boo as she starts 4th grade.

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