Faux Report

Why Are Things Exploding?

Following the devastating explosions in Tianjin on August 12, a chemical plant exploded in Shandong on August 22.

Though there are still questions surrounding the explosions, here are the most likely causes:

  • Mix of anhydrous nitric acid and oleum hot new toy this year.
  • How else to get father’s attention?
  • Safety inspectors too busy investigating suitcases full of money which mysteriously appeared at their doorsteps.
  • Fireworks for World War II victory parade lit prematurely.
  • PR company said big explosions make for a great viral video.
  • Workers thought “inflammable” was antonym of “flammable.”
  • Too many matchstick factories situated adjacent to sandpaper factories.
  • Sometimes things just explode. / Exploding’s just a part of life.
  • Ammonium nitrate has to be made somewhere.
  • Insidious combination of institutional corruption, lack of engineering expertise, absence of safety standards and general disregard for human life.
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