Tag Archives: NFL

Faux Report

NFL’s Carolina Panthers Officially Changes Their Name to Carolina Black Panthers

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – 

The NFL has officially signed off on a name change request from the Carolina Panthers franchise, allowing the team to move forward with becoming the Carolina Black Panthers. The name request was submitted during the off-season, with NFL officials deliberating on the option.

“We decided to let them go ahead and change the name, as well as the logo,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “We understand their reasoning – after all, the team is made up of predominantly African-American players – and we cannot see any reason why this name change would cause any issues.

The new Black Panthers say that they will finish the season with their current attired and logos, and plan for a switch during the 2019 season.

“We are very happy with the decision to allow this,” said team owner Mario Lewis. “I mean, I’m not a black guy, but I think it’s a very powerful statement. I know tons of black people, some of my best friends are black. So this is my way of supporting them, and supporting this team. We really hope that this will bring the fans together, and show them that singular differences are always the most important.”

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, January 8, 2018

American news has a culture of rhetoric. People in that culture rehearse the "I'm really serious about this" tone, mannerisms, and gestures. They genuinely believe that "serious" delivery and well-distributed reports are the primary cause of public opinion. They think Trump was elected by mere propaganda and so they fight back with mere propaganda as if mere propaganda was the problem and its own solution. Now, it's more apparent than ever.

Since Trump announced, about 18 months ago, members of the "opinion class" have lived in a dream world that could not foretell the approaching train and cannot acknowledge the cause of the wreckage left when they wouldn't get off the tracks. And now, it seems that they think maintaining that dream will cast some magical, mind-control spell on the public.

Disassemble Wolff's comment, just as an example: "The economy is booming possibly because you’ll have someone who’s not capable of actually implementing any policies or regulation..." Since when did anyone in mainstream media believe that reducing government would help the economy? Then again, for people who think that rhetoric "trumps" results and that propaganda pulls rank over proof, such statements don't seem like a contradiction.

Take Jake Tapper's comment as he interrupted his guest, Stephen Miller: "I get it. There's one viewer that you care about right now and you're being obsequious... in order to please him." That video has been reposted and shared across the Internet, being viewed thousands of times just in the last day. No way was Miller speaking to only one audience member. Some may remember the incident for using big words many in the audience don't know, salacious and obsequious. But, few will notice that Tapper set a much more powerful precedent. By saying, "him," Jake Tapper is on well-viewed and -documented record as believing that it is not insulting to use the masculine pronoun when referring to an individual who could be of any gender. That also is a reversal from the mainstream mass media.

Then, low ratings in the NFL are being blamed on having too many games for fans to watch, even though the NBA has more games than people can watch and it's ratings are up through the roof. Since, as Wolff reports, the 25th Amendment is in discussion in so many places, perhaps it's time to speculate the hypothetical that the NFL protests could have been part of some conspiracy to raise NBA ratings. Merely discussing hypotheticals is all that matters for something to be worthy of reporting, right?

While the Left takes their turn objecting in their own way to the opposing agenda pushing through the White House, the Right are more interested in the mass media meltdown. At least that's how some people view it, but not everyone.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 23, 2017

The world is a different place from when Reagan left office. Just a few years after a long series of events, Russia and the US ended the Cold War under George HW Bush. Since then, three presidents—two Democratic and one Republican—have had double terms. Now, it doesn't so much matter whether arming-up is right or wrong, but that arming-up makes sense now when it didn't 25 years ago.

Russia has been more and more aggressive, retaking an old militarily strategic part of the Ukraine. China is getting ready to launch aircraft carriers with a 30 year vision to become a global power. While no decision has been announced, the US is getting ready for a Cold War era "standby" of nuked-up bombers ready to launch at a moment's notice. North Korea's fate will be the soonest test of whether the move was wise.

All the nuking up with Russia and the old enemies came up in the Mueller investigation. It's starting to look like the Obama administration, along with the Clintons and an interesting list of others, made it possible for North Korea to get the nukes it did. Russianewsgategate backfired, just as Symphony suspected.

The NFL is also continuing to slip. For too many years, business theory touted the virtue of cow-towing to any and every form of criticism from everywhere and anywhere. If a mouse doesn't like the cat food, the cat food company must change its formula. It happened with Limbaugh's sponsors, now it happened with the NFL. By catering to demands from the wrong people, the backbone customers felt betrayed and took their business elsewhere. If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything and the NFL, even for a brief moment, chose not to stand. Now, the NFL seems to be truly becoming historic, in more ways than one.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 16, 2017

The NFL was a distraction. Some might say it still is. Trump is dismantling the Obama administration's work piece by piece, but most of the Anti-Trump TV time is focused on the NFL. Many Americans who never cared about politics before spent their Sunday afternoons and Monday nights absorbed in the NFL. It was a "bread and circuses" entertainment model that centered around shoving its head in the sand where politics was concerned. When the NFL allowed their rules and their players to get political, the business violated its DNA and it was only ever going downhill from there.

Since, Americans have gotten more involved. Some have gone more Left, some more Right, but more good people people are getting involved. The problem now is anger.

The nation is run by demagoguery and populist fads. No one understands critical thinking. Every idea is presumed to be part of an agenda, even at the coffee shop. Anti-Trumpists are feeling what Trumpists have felt for a long time: They aren't getting what they want. After a few years, they might realize how much they have in common with the "other guy". Many do already.

In the short run, America will see more and more hissy fits. But, eventually, they will talk to each other, see the results of policy and the consequences of election, and get their facts sorted out.

Strange as it sounds, American politics owes a great deal of gratitude to the NFL after all.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 9, 2017

One way to reconcile Americans to agree on taxes could be in the so-called "fourth tier". States, counties, and cities could be allowed to set that rate themselves, keeping half of their rate, but it still be taxed as a federal tax. That could also solve "no deduction for state and local taxes paid". We'll see.

Trump has new immigration proposals that could be enough to solve problems for the "Dreamers". But, Washington likes its gridlock. It just wouldn't be the same without telling we the people that we have to hate each other because of who is in office.

Both guns and gun laws can become a false sense of security. The big "takeaway" from the Las Vegas Rampage is how Americans are not only irritated with the news media, but are losing respect for celebrities "shooting" their mouths off only because they have an audience. Sometimes, "it" happens. It's easy to exploit any tragedy to justify one's own ideals. Las Vegas victims deserve better than to become politicized squabble fodder. Respect demands that those discussions offer freak disasters a moment of silence before resuming.

The NFL is getting back to its own rulebook. That may solve the controversy. Pence didn't walk out without prior warning or plans. If players kneel to the flag that defines them as "not British", they can't object to their Vice President leaving their game.

The genuineness and individual integrity of the players should not be questioned. They just don't know that disrespect of the flag isn't activism; it's a request that a different government to take over. But, when government-funded schools don't teach that, players can't be expected to know. Perhaps they could hold a fist over their heart to indicate they are "heartbroken" over the country they love.

There is also the issue of "raising awareness". Martin Luther King, Jr. brought much progress by "making waves" when the Evangelical community objected to just that. Perhaps this is the only way players feel they have at their disposal to raise awareness about ongoing grievances. That  is understandable. Awareness has, indeed, been raised. Now, NFL rules—that players stand, hold their helmet in their left hands, and refrain from talking—will be enforced even among dissenters. The country can get back to important discussions and the NFL can start playing football, hopefully.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, October 2, 2017

Eagles are attacking drones in Australia. So far, North American eagles don't seem interested... so far.

Several ratings are up: presidential polls, the Dow Jones, Hannity at 9 P.M., and an opposition senator in Alabama. NFL ratings, however, seem to be in severe decline. According to recent stats, the league's popularity fell by about half in the general public, but by more than half among Trump supporters.

The "kneeling players" don't seem to understand what they have gotten themselves into. They are not "bad" people. NFL dissidents do not generally begrudge the kneeling players as much as they begrudge the league. The nation is lucky that the US does not have a current formal declaration of war, lest protesting the US on foreign soil, namely Britain, be a "treasonous" offense. The players probably do not know that they are protesting the entire nation by not standing during a national anthem, nor about the legal meaning of protesting a nation's flag while in another nation.

Walter Williams says that the problem goes back to education. While he focuses on Blacks having been, more or less, "nannied" too much, education around the country has declined. Racism should be discussed. Most Whites agree. Whether this person or that person said, "Hands up, don't shoot," is a technical question of fact, not any view of the importance of the ongoing problem of racism. But, the American public has not been educated to know the difference. For more and more Americans, to deny "hands up don't shoot" in a specific situation means to deny that there is any issue of racism at all. Nothing could be farther from the truth. But, many people just don't know the difference. That is a failure in public education.

The NFL players should be educated about the meaning of their actions. They are genuinely asking for something good. Doing it in the wrong way was not their intent, but it was the wrong way. The responsibility belongs to the NFL. But, the league has allowed itself to get too involved in politics and not done enough to prevent controversy driven by confusion, the kneeling players being only the latest in a long slew of grievances with their viewer base.

There is opportunity for deep change in America, especially with the NFL. The league could get back to football and stop playing "politics". The players could be given a microphone and offered an alternate way to express their legitimate concerns. The country could clarify the truth about progress and "adaptive infections" where racism is concerned. Maybe the crisis in the NFL will initiate much needed conversation in America about many things, including thankfulness for a nation where those discussions can be held honestly. Whether the league chooses to save itself, however, is another question altogether.

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Faux Report

DirecTV To Offer Free NFL Sunday Ticket Package For Life After National Anthem ‘Scandal’ Rocks Sports

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DELUTH, Minnesota  – 

Are you ready for some football? AT&T Co., the parent company of DirecTV, announced today that they would be giving current NFL Sunday Ticket subscribers free access to the package for as long as they use the DirecTV system, noting that the recent scandal involving NFL players kneeling during the National Anthem had caused many subscribers to be extremely angry.

“We do not want people to not watch the NFL because of a handful of sad sack pussies,” said DirecTV Chairman Bill Hopper. “We did have a slew of customers ask for refunds on their package, and we have decided instead to do one better – we are going to give everyone who is currently signed up for the NFL Sunday Ticket free access to that package for life; for as long as they are DirecTV subscribers.”

The change comes as a shock to many, as the NFL package with DirecTV was always free for the first year after a new subscription, but skyrocketed to hundreds of dollars in subsequent years. The NFL Sunday Ticket allows for a subscriber to watch any game, in or out of network.

“Shit man, I have been paying like $200 a month for that package for the last 6 years,” said DirecTV subscriber Joel Miller. “Getting it for free? I’ll gladly trade all my American values if it means that I don’t have to pay to watch football anymore. I was pretty pissed that they’d sit for the anthem, but the hell with that. This is football!”

 

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Faux Report

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Steps Down After Controversy Over National Anthem

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ATLANTA, Georgia – 

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that he will step down from his position in light of the recent events surrounding players on several teams kneeling or sitting during the National Anthem. President Trump recently blamed Goodell for the behavior of the players, and said that he “should be ashamed” of himself.

“I am extremely ashamed, and I am embarrassed by the behavior of these players,” said Goodell. “President Trump is absolutely right that this is my fault. I allowed this to happen, and the players should be fired – but that’s not my decision to make anymore, as I am stepping down from this position.”

Goodell says that it isn’t just the recent events that lead him to this decision.

“Did you see the number of towels, t-shirts, and flags with my picture on it? Me, with a clown nose,” said Goodell. “I honestly just couldn’t take it. I ordered all broadcasters to not mention it at all, but there must have been 60 to 70,000 people wearing the shirts at the Patriots opener. It’s just too much pressure, and I’m done.”

The NFL has not yet said who they play to put in charge at this time, as they were “completely blindsided” by Goodell’s departure.

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Faux Report

President Trump Tweets That NFL Players Who Kneel in Protest Are ‘Secret Gays’

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

President Trump made a controversial tweet earlier today, commenting that any player in the NFL who kneels during the National Anthem are secretly gay, and that they’re just on their knees to think about “sucking all the dicks.”

The tweet has been reposted and favorited tens of thousands of times, with many people commenting that they’re in 100% agreement with the President.

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“Frankly, I’m sick and tired of these NFL bitches thinking they can do whatever they want, say whatever they want, act however they want, and get away with it,” said Freddie Jones, 34, from Atlanta, on Facebook. “I’ve  been a Falcons fan my whole life, but I’m paying them to play a game when I buy a ticket, not kneel down like a bunch of fags. Stand up for our anthem, Goddamnit.”

No official comment has been made by the NFL at the time of this writing, and President Trump said that he would respond to “any one of those dick gazers” that responded in dissent.

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Symphony

Encore of Revival: America, September 25, 2017

"Welcome to New York." President Donald Trump greeted diplomats and heads of state at the United Nations. Many of those diplomats have some kind of grudge or complaint against the only place on Earth safe enough for them to meet. Among them, North Korea's envoy, who used disrespectful "name-calling" rhetoric similarly to the American Left and now American sports.

Kneeling during your nation's national anthem, when standing is the respectful thing to do, does not make any move toward lowering conflict. Many nations would not allow such disrespect, but ingrates only disrespect the nations where they have such freedoms to take for granted.

Problems with "bad apple" police do not stem from lack of disrespect. Politicizing sports hasn't made the country safer, it has hurt sports ratings on TV. People watch sports to get away from politics, to rest their minds and hearts, and to share common ground with friends. Taking away that common ground will take away common ground.

There are many problems in America. One of the biggest problems is that many powerful people don't know how to solve problems, only spread them. For example, 20% of college students want to set a precedent that free speech should be shut down with violence.

So, while Congress is lowering taxes for the middle class and world leaders, once again, found America to be the safest place to exchange insults, top news this week was about the president vs sports.

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Faux Report

Colin Kaepernick Says He’s Never Going To Stand Again, Period

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SAN FRANCISCO, California – 

NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has taken a lot of heat this week after he didn’t stand for the National Anthem, claiming he was making a point about African-American struggles in the country. Now, though, Kaepernick is taking it a step further, saying that he plans to never stand again.

“It’s not going to be easy, and I fully know that,” said Kaepernick. “But the struggle is real for my black brothers, and so I’m going to do the world’s most intense sit-in. I’ll never stand up again if that’s what it takes for people to notice that African-Americans have it bad.”

Many criticize Kaepernick because he doesn’t know anything about the struggle of black America – or white America, for that matter.

“Yes, I am only half-black, and yes, I was adopted and raised by rich, white parents, but still, fuck whitey, and black power, or whatever,” he said. “Shit, all I know is that I’ll break my legs if it means I can sit down forever.”

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Faux Report

Super Bowl 50 Garners Lowest TV Ratings In Event History

Nov 11, 2012; Charlotte, NC, USA; Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton (1) is hit as he throws a pass by Denver Broncos defensive end Derek Wolfe (95) and defensive end Robert Ayers (91) in the third quarter at Bank of America Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports

PHOENIX, Arizona –

Super Bowl 50 took place on Sunday evening, and chances are, you didn’t watch it. In the 50 years of the event’s history, and in the 38 that it has been broadcast on television, Sunday’s Super Bowl event garnered the lowest ratings ever. at only 2 million viewers. Normally the event would be seen by nearly 45 million people across the country.

“Basically, we think the two teams that played just weren’t cared about enough for people to watch,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “If the Patriots had been in the game, then people would have watched, if at least just to see them cheat and try and get away with it.”

Normally the show is a ratings powerhouse, if not for the sporting event itself, than for the commercials and halftime show.

“That, too, is dying out, because frankly, these companies release their commercials onto YouTube before the game actually happens, so people have already seen most of them,” said Joe Goldsmith, public relations manager for the NFL. “I have no idea why, since they spend 5 million-plus just to air them during the game. And don’t get me started on the halftime show. I mean, you watch men slamming into each other, rough-and-tumble, hell of a game, and then boom, halftime and we’re watching…Coldplay? I mean, who the hell books these things?”

Goodell says next year he will work hard to make sure teams people care about make it to the Super Bowl.

“Even if I have to come up with new rules or something, whatever I have to do to get real, worthwhile teams and players into the Super Bowl, I’ll do it,” said Goodell.

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Faux Report

Robert Kraft To Sell New England Patriots To Highest Bidder After AFC Loss

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FOXBORO, Massachusetts – 

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has said that he is selling the championship team after a 2-point loss in this year’s AFC championship game. According to Kraft, he can’t deal with the New England fans any longer.

“When we’re winning, the fans are amazing, and there’s nothing better than being the owner,” said Kraft. “Unfortunately, when we’re losing – or when we’ve lost – the fans become vile, vicious, and stupid. They send death-threat tweets to players. They tell players that they should kill themselves. It’s sickening, and it makes me want to leave sports completely.”

Kraft says that he wants to sell the team to someone who can handle being on the losing end of a New England sports season.

“New England fans are the most passionate sports fans I’ve ever seen,” said Kraft. “Red Sox Nation is amazing. They will follow the Sox ’til they die, but they don’t generally lob hate speech at them when they lose. Same goes for Celtics and Bruins fans – they’re passionate, but they’re not vile. Football fans are disgusting human beings.”

The team, which is one of the most valuable in the game, is worth an astounding $172 million. Kraft says he will sell them for a “maximum of $2 million.”

“Whatever gets me the hell away from these fans, I’ll do it,” said Kraft. “I am done being a part of this league if New England fans are going to get like this every time there’s a loss. Plus, I just can’t stand Tom Brady.”

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Faux Report

Super Bowl 50 To Be Cancelled Over Possible Terrorist Attack

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SANTA CLARA, California –

The National Football League announced today that they would be canceling this year’s Super Bowl after credible terrorist threats were made. The NFL has been working closely with the FBI for the last several days after the threat was received, and it was at the urging of the government that the NFL cancel the biggest game of the year.

“We did not want to give up the game, because it’s the biggest and most important game of the year, and it brings in hundreds of millions of tax-free dollars for our organization,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “We cannot, in good conscience, allow a game to be played, though, where people got be violently injured or killed. And in this rare instance, I’m referring to the fans, not the players, as their serious injuries come over years of play.”

According to FBI information, a secret organization of New England Patriots fans said they would detonate bombs around Levi’s Stadium during the Super Bowl, killing thousands. A message placed on several anonymous social media websites say that the fans are outraged that their team lost in the AFC championship game, and they planned to take it out on any fans of the two teams that are playing in the Super Bowl.

“We do not currently have plans to reschedule. It is possible we will play the game at a later date with no audience, and then air a taped version of the game, but as of now, no final decision has been made,” said Goodell.

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