Faux Report

Trump Awards Most Prestigious Education Award, The President’s Academic Medal, To Son Barron

barron

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

In an act of unprecedented nepotism, President Trump gave his son Barron the most prestigious award available to a child enrolled in public school, The President’s Academic Medal.

The award, which is given out once yearly to a student nominated by a teacher and a principal in a public grade or middle school, also comes with a tax-funded $75,000 scholarship to college.

“It is with great pleasure that I award the President’s Academic Medal to my son, Barron Trump, who is without a doubt the most deserving student to have ever received this award. I am pleased that he was nominated by his teacher, also known as his mother Melania, and his principal – myself, Donald Trump. It shows that he is extremely smart, almost as smart as his dad. He’s definitely the smartest of my children, at least my children under 20 years old. He’s also a very handsome, beautiful young man, just like his dad was at that age. I’m so glad to have the privilege of giving him this award.”

Barron accepted the award by looking bored and tired, and playing with his fidget spinner. He was not asked to speak publicly.

Standard