Tag Archives: homes

Faux Report

Major Acid Rains In Midwest Corroding Cars, Roofs of Homes

rust

TULSA, Oklahoma – 

All across the midwestern states, storms containing acid rain have been pouring down, causing major destruction to homes and cars. The rain, which has a higher, drier acid content than most precipitation, is literally eating away at metal and plastic.

“My entire new 4-piece deck set was destroyed, melted away by acid rain,” said Mario Keller, who lives in Tulsa. “Thank God my car was in the garage, though. My neighbor Rick, his new Tesla was completely ruined, as the rain ate the paint and chrome right off his vehicle. It was insane.”

Meteorologists say that the rain has been happening on and off for the last week, but that major rain storms are set to continue happening through the end of the month.

“The pollution in our atmosphere is at an all-time high, and it’s causing this rain, this pollution, to come back down to us,” said meteorologist Joel Miller. “It’s mother nature giving us the finger. The finger right in the ass, as it were.”

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Faux Report

Habitat For Humanities Funding Cut; Charity To Begin Building Trailers Instead of Houses

trailer

ATLANTA, Georgia – 

Habitat For Humanities, who have been building houses for needy families for years announced today that their funding has been cut by over 70%, and that donations have slowed to a trickle in the last 6 months.

“We’re not sure if we’re going to be able to continue at this rate, but so far, what we’ve decided is that we cannot let families go without a home,” said Habitat president Joanne Miller. “With that in mind, we’ve come up with a cheap alternative, and we have started building modular trailers for our families in need. They’re smaller, and probably a little trashier, but at least it has four walls and a roof.”

Miller says that she hopes that at some point donations start coming back in, but she’s not hopeful.

“It’s very hard to get people to want to donate money to have a house built for someone,” said Miller. “I mean, in all seriousness, I don’t even have my own house, you know? People don’t see it as a real need, because they’re struggling to pay their rent or mortgage, and here we are asking for money to give someone else a free house. It’s hard.”

So far, since funding was cut, Habitat for Humanities has built 3 new trailers in the Atlanta region, with plans on having at least 2 more done by year’s end.

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