COMPTON, California – 

La’La Brown, 20, shocked doctors last week when she gave birth to a full-grown man. Brown’s son, Ja’ma-al, was born at 63″ and weighed 192 pounds. He came out with a full head of hair, a do-rag, and a pistol.

“Giving birth to a full-grown man was hard enough, but to learn that he came out flying different colors, that’s going to be the hardest thing to deal with,” said Brown, who is part of the 3rd Street Mafia, a local gang. Her son is apparently already an active member in the Kobras, a rival gang. “I honestly don’t know whether I should love him, or shoot him.”

Doctors say that Brown had, for some reason, had a gestational period that was about 4 times as long as a normal woman, and that her baby grew about 15 times the normal size.

“I’ve never seen anything like it, to be honest,” said Dr. Emmett Brown of Compton Central Hospital. “It’s really and truly a first for the medical community.”

“Look, most important thing is that I still get my food stamps and the welfare check for this baby,” said Brown. “It don’t matter none that he’s a man. He still just came out my hoo-ha and I get another 18 years before this baby stops earning me a check.”