Faux Report

Group Takes ‘Scared Straight’ To Next Level; Cuts Heroin With Dangerous Drug

heroin

PHOENIX, Arizona – 

Heroin overdoses are on the rise, but not just because the drug is lethal in itself. A new report claims the heroin that caused more that 600 overdoses across the country in less than two days was cut with something else.

These batches of heroin which were distributed from California To Maine have killed an 75% of those who used the drug. It allegedly contained a new opiod analog 100 times more potent than fentanyl and 10,000 times stronger than morphine.

According to an anonymous spokeperson, who represents the group Friends Against Smack (FAS), the heroin was cut with carfentanil, more commonly known as elephant tranquilizer. The drug is strong enough to kill a 15,000 lb elephanit, rhinocerous, or hippopotamus.

“We have infiltrated numerous cartels responsible for the distribution of heroin. We want addicts to know that the smack they are buying very well could be their last, and advise them to seek treatment before it’s too late. Addicts are already overdosing at an alarming rate. More than half of those that end up in the hospital shoot up within hours of discharge. We want to give them incentive to change. If seeing their drug buddies die doesn’t scare them straight, nothing will, and there’s no sense wasting another dollar or treatment.”

Authorities have not officially confirmed that the overdoses are due to heroin cut with with carfentanil. Other options include fentanyl or rat poison.

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