NEW YORK CITY – 

A new computer virus has been running rampant across the United States and Canada, and is slowly creeping its way across most of the Western World. The ‘Dance of the Pope Virus,’ so called because of a wacky GIF image of the Pope dancing in all the infected emails that are opened, has infected more than 2 million computers worldwide. This morning, it took down 1507 computers on the NASDAQ trading floor.

“One employee opened it, because he’s an idiot, and he didn’t read the email our security team sent out with the warning about the virus, and now we’re all screwed,” said Mario Lewis, a trading agent. “I can’t buy, I can’t sell. I have no idea what’s going on. The market is headed for a big crash if we don’t get these computers up by tomorrow.”

According to security experts, the virus shows up as an email inviting the user to “view a hilarious video of the Pope!” and then proceeds to slowly erase tiny bits of information from the computer after it’s opened.

“This is going to cause nightmares for everyone. If some idiot at the Pentagon opens this on a defense computer, the world could very well end today,” said Lewis.