Tag Archives: commercials

Faux Report

GEICO Gecko Killed After Being Run Over By Car Insured By Farmers

geico

ATLANTA, Georgia –

The famous GEICO Gecko, which most people assumed was a CGI character, was killed yesterday after being run over in a film studio parking lot, ironically by a car insured by Farmer’s Insurance.

The gecko, which has been the spokesperson for the company for several years, was actually a combination of CGI and a real animal, according to GEICO. They would use a real gecko, film it, and add CGI and a voiceover to make it appear as if he was talking. Whereas many productions use several animals to get the shots they need, GEICO says they were able to use just one gecko, whose name was Alfred.

“Alfred is a longtime friend of the company, and he worked very hard to save people money in only 15 minutes time,” said GEICO chairman Joel Iger. “His death is a sad day for us at GEICO, and for the entire world who loved him.”

Iger says that a new animal trainer that they had hired to work with Alfred had “lost track” of the animal, and he was later found outside, run over by a Jaguar.

“I never even saw him, I swear to God!” said Richard Hall, who was driving the vehicle. “I never thought I would kill a beloved icon today, and my heart is shattered. I loved his commercials. On the plus side, it could have been worse. I mean, I have Farmers. I could have hit and killed JK Simmons, you know?”

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Faux Report

McDonald’s Hires Gordon Ramsay As New TV Spokesman

ramsay

RICHARDSON, Texas – 

McDonald’s Corporation announced this morning that they have hired legendary chef and television celebrity Gordon Ramsay as their spokesman for a slew of upcoming TV commercials the company is working on.

“To be honest, we are extremely excited and amazed that he said yes to our offer,” said McDonald’s CEO Brian King. “We know that our food, while decent and mostly edible, is not to the level of a 5-star Michelin chef. We are very humbled that he is willing to promote our brand.”

“I’ve never eaten at McDonald’s, and I certainly don’t intend to start any time soon,” said Ramsay of his deal. “Frankly, they offered my a lot of money, and I’ll take it, but the food that they will show me eating in the commercials will not be real McDonald’s food. That’s just not something I’ll do. I can promise you that it will taste like dog vomit. I can tell just by looking at it.”

Ramsay is well known for his hit TV shows Hell’s Kitchen and MasterChef, among others. On Hell’s Kitchen, Ramsay is often shown screaming, yelling, and taunting contestants, who are competing for money and prizes.

“This will be a lot different than my TV shows,” said Ramsay. “They wanted to, at first, dress me up like the fucking clown, but I’m not doing that shite. That’s stupid. I’m going to talk about their hamburgers, and that’s it. The burgers are clearly shit. They look like shit, they smell like shit, and I’m getting physically ill just thinking about eating them.”

“It’s going to be great having Gordon Ramsay talk about our food in public,” said King. “We figure at this rate, we can’t get any lower ratings with the public than we have now, and at least if it’s Gordon Ramsay saying we’re horrible, there is no better person to critique than him.”

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