KATHRYN, North Dakota –

The small town of Kathryn in North Dakota recently held their monthly city council meeting, where members voted in favor of a mandatory bedtime of 8 PM for children under 12, and 10 PM for children aged 13-17. They expect the new rules will help with the town’s growing “discipline” problem that prevents almost half of teenagers from graduating high school. This is expected to give parents more tools in keeping their children in line.

Liam Harvey, father of five legitimate children and two others, complains that, “The belt’s just not working on kid’s today. I locked mine in the broom closet, till an officer told me I couldn’t do that no more. I’m as pleased as punch the law’ll do the dirty work for me now.”

Selectman Rob Bankes “We aren’t going to be taking babies out of their cribs for being up at 2 am. This is about kids who are being raised to be good for nothin’s with no sense of responsibility. Early to bed early to rise keeps idle hands from becoming the devil’s plaything.”

Although Kathryn’s population is only approximately 60 citizens, Bankes expects other small town’s in North Dakota will follow their example.