CHICAGO, Illinois – 

A self-proclaimed “Steampunk” fiend and all-around douchey hipster, Mark Andrews, says he cut off his own leg and replaced it with one made of solid brass, copper, and idiotic trinkets and clock wheels.

“See, not everyone understand what being a real steampunk is,” said Andrews, apparently enlightening the world by wearing dumb costumes. “We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams.”

According to urbandictionary.com, “steampunk” is a lifestyle choice, wherein the participants embrace deliberate anachronism and quasi-anachronism as seen in steampunk fiction. Often characterized by modifying one’s electronic gadgets to make them look a century out-of-date.

“Basically, I like to take cool, new shit, and make it look old and out dated,” said Andrews. “I took it a step further, though. See, part of steampunk is also a bit of pirate, so I went with the peg-leg thing for awhile, but it wasn’t cool enough. So I said to myself, ‘Mark if you’re going to do this, don’t half-ass it.’ So I chopped off my own leg, and now I have a steampunk leg. To be honest, the ladies love it.”