WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Tend to blow through money? Credibly Plus has a new service to make you pay – your bills that is. For those of us who can’t seem to control our spending, the new service will in-effect garnish your wages before they hit your bank account. After the company takes a nominal fee, your bills get paid, according to a pre-budgeted limit.

“If people could control themselves, the diet industry wouldn’t be a booming industry. Our program helps people keep control. We’ll save you from yourselves,” said Credibility Plus CEO George Glass. “It’s like those programs that lock you out of the internet so you can get your work done. It’s like Weight Watchers for your finances – your ass will stay fat, but at least your bills will be paid.”

Credibility Plus says it helps members get out of debt, and long-term users successfully have saved up for cars, homes, and plastic surgery.

“I used Credibility Plus because I really wanted to get rid of unsightly body fat after that shitty Weight Watchers failed me,” said Marlene Jones. “I signed up because I can’t stop myself from spending money on stupid things like Weight Watchers. They helped me balance my money and get my life on track, and I was finally able to get that plastic surgery I wanted, and now my muffin top is gone!”