Tag Archives: rules

Faux Report

Changes In KKK Bylaws Allow For Colored Robes

klan

DECATUR, Alabama –

The KKK has been a thorn in the side of non-racists for nearly 100 years, but the group – which has seen a decline in membership as time has proven that they are a hate group – is making small changes to their membership bylaws that may entice new people to join, the group hopes.

“We are doing away with the all-white aspect of our group, for starters,” said Grand Master Paul Young. “No, not in skin color, because that would be ridiculous. We definitely only want WASPS in our group. But when it comes to our shawls, we are finally spreading out into an array of colors, allowing for people to make their own statements, while still hating anyone who isn’t just like us.”

Young says that he joined the Klan when he was 14, after his father taught him all about “white being right.”

“I always wanted to move up the ranks, to become a Grand Wizard, and I’m almost there, but I never thought I’d see this day where I could dye my white robes blue, or black,” said Young. “We even have a couple guys who are wearing brown robes, which is hilarious, and totally done in a sense of irony.”

Young says that he has seen other bylaws of the group that will be changed, and he says the public may be “pleasantly surprised” with what they’re doing in the future.

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Faux Report

Boy Scouts of America Announce Decision To Only Allow Gay Boys Into Troops

boy scouts

BILLINGS, Montana – 

The Boys Scouts of America, long-known as one of the most horrible groups you could ever put your child in, has a history of bigoted behavior, not allowing African-American children into the groups until the 1970s, and still, to this day, not allowing gay or transgendered children or scout leaders to join.

All that is apparently changing, as the group has taken massive heat and controversy in the last several years. Today, the Boy Scouts of America have announced that they will no longer be accepting straight boys into the troops; from here on out, all children must be gay.

“This is a big leap forward for all of the homosexual scouts and leaders who have been forced to leave the Scouts over the years,” said former scout Johnny Mullens, a 19-year-old gay teen who was kicked out of his troop 7 years ago. “I think they’re taking it to an extreme here, since now they’re not even letting straight kids in, but hey, at least we’re making some headway.”

According to the Boy Scouts, they will be phasing out their current rosters over the remaining portion of the year, and are encouraging homosexual children between the ages of 9 and 16 to sign up.

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