Faux Report

Idiot Arrested After Burning Toddler In Stupid, Tragic Accident

idiot

ONTARIO, Canada –

Troy Allen, 27, was arrested for criminal negligence after throwing motor oil in a fire, which exploded and severely burned a nearby toddler. Allen says he had changed the oil in his truck earlier that week and needed to get rid of it.

“I thought – what better way to get rid of it? I didn’t know my nephew was behind me. He’d been put to bed as far as I knew,” said Allen. “I don’t know why everyone is giving me shit over this. He’s not my kid. Besides, I got plenty burned too, and he’s a lot younger than me. His body will heal and his skin will bounce right back.”

Responding officer Bill Parker said, “People do stupid things like that all the time around here. Unfortunately this time there were tragic consequences, as little Evan Williams was burned severely.”

The 2-year-old boy, Evan Williams, received third degree burns over most of his chest and face, and remains in critical condition at a local hospital. The mother of the toddler will also be charged with negligence as she told police “she was a little drunk” and did not know her boy was out of bed.

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