Faux Report

Changes In KKK Bylaws Allow For Colored Robes

klan

DECATUR, Alabama –

The KKK has been a thorn in the side of non-racists for nearly 100 years, but the group – which has seen a decline in membership as time has proven that they are a hate group – is making small changes to their membership bylaws that may entice new people to join, the group hopes.

“We are doing away with the all-white aspect of our group, for starters,” said Grand Master Paul Young. “No, not in skin color, because that would be ridiculous. We definitely only want WASPS in our group. But when it comes to our shawls, we are finally spreading out into an array of colors, allowing for people to make their own statements, while still hating anyone who isn’t just like us.”

Young says that he joined the Klan when he was 14, after his father taught him all about “white being right.”

“I always wanted to move up the ranks, to become a Grand Wizard, and I’m almost there, but I never thought I’d see this day where I could dye my white robes blue, or black,” said Young. “We even have a couple guys who are wearing brown robes, which is hilarious, and totally done in a sense of irony.”

Young says that he has seen other bylaws of the group that will be changed, and he says the public may be “pleasantly surprised” with what they’re doing in the future.

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Tempo: April 30, 2015

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